The Ballad of The Middle Child

Funny story of the day.

I was at work which is where I spend the majority of my time unless I'm in bed. As I was delivering food to patient when I ran into one of my parents long ago friends from High School. You know the type that knows you but you have no idea who they are? Yup. This is one of those friends.

As we were making casual conversation about what everybody was up to it got rather awkward. After discussing the princess completing the iron man, the nip and the momma running a marathon and my father the crazy bike rider,and my stepfather's crazy outdoor adventures. They paused and looked at me as if to say "What do you do?"

So I told them.

I lose weight.

Gained it right back.

and blog about it.

Like a normal person.

Where is You Gone? And Can I Come?

(I give to you the FARR ugly Christmas sweater picture of 2008!)

I have realized that the weather outside is out to get me. Before you start calling mental health police the last few days when ever I wake up I declare "I will go Christmas shopping!" then the "weather" or as I like to call it the wet sticky stuff that blocked my car in and designed by "Satan" gets in the way.

This is the point you may ask why not just buy all your Christmas presents online? The problem is I end up doing the buying way too much for me! Oh well. Tis the season!

Next year I m using all the money I would have spent on Christmas presents and donating it to Charity. Thus selfless and innovative no?

Going to the Chapel..

When the Princess and I were little this was one of our favorite movies. Every weekend that this movie was out in theaters we would beg our dad to go see it. (Don't ask me I was 7 we all go through phases. ) Then it came out on video and we begged to get it. We watched it over and over again. Why?

Perhaps it was Martian Short in his classic almost award winning award wining performance as Fronk the wedding planner. (Fwather of the Bwide? anyone? No? Perhaps it was just me then.) Or the classic scene in which Steve Martin freaks over the ratio of hot dog buns versus hot dogs. When I had throw my own BBQ I realized this is a serious dilemma for the ages but that is a blog post for another time. It was on the 220th viewing that I was forced into a marriage that lasted until 2003 when it was ended when my wife picked another husband. (Hi April! Alimony check in the mail! Promise!)

Then today something wonderful happened.

A real wedding.

In our family.

This time its one of us getting married and not a parent. (YAY for Divorce! You get to watch your parents date and marry and realize its not so easy!)

But its not me.

Nope.

The Princess and Joe are now officially engaged.

About time.

I am Ironman running through the forest..

See. The madness continues.

Because I can't go this is the post to encourage my sister. Cause she is an ironwoman.

Go.

Win.

Bring me home lots of free stuff okay?

That's all.

Howdy Y'All!

We are now currently in South Carolina.

Did y'all watch or hear about Tropical storm IDA? Well to put it kindly she is rather a pain in the rear end. It has rained.

ALOT!

When we first arrived here we were like rain? Psh! Try driving up a mountain in Ford Galaxie during a snow storm. Now that is tough. Well. I was wrong.

Its hard!

More on the adventure later!

When I have access to my computer I am going to upload all of my pics from my trip and share my stories!

Tune in!

Please?

I'm Leaving On A Jet Plane..

Pst.

Can you keep a secret?

I just ate an almond joy.

But that's not the secret.

Nor is it the one where you send stuff out in the universe.

I'm going to South Carolina tonight.

Its going to be fun.

See you soon.

Hey Sista Soul..

(No pic today. Just rest your mind and read my words.)

I just had the best moment.

The truly best.

I am at work and realized I don't have to work for the first weekend of my existance since May.

Can I just get a whoo hoo?

Or perhaps a Yippe?

As my friend Justin says "Yay from the single person in the audience."

I am glad.

Now off to Target.

This was one of the dumbest post I have ever done.

IF you had any form of kindness you would move on and read something with more literary value. Apparently I am getting something bad karma in my direction. Sorry skinny people!

Hate On Me

(This is what happens when you eat too much sugar. Just a Warning)

I am declaring a strike. For Fat people everywhere. We are going to stick it to all the skinny people. Make them wear fat suits and see how fast they can jog up the stairs. When I started this rant I really wanted skinny people to understand what it is like to be rather large and in charge but then I realized something.

I want the skinny people to just shut up.

Have you ever heard them talking? Its all about how much they can lift, where they worked out, how they feel fat for eating two M&Ms. Then they stare at you like "well if we can do it whats the matter with you?"

I'm going to start intruding into those conversations. With comments like I ate four Almond Joys watched the Biggest Loser and passed out. Lets see you do that skinny bean.

So strike today!

We can do it!

No Air No Air

(See New Pictures! A FAT one but lets not make fun of the working migrant worker shall we?)

Now an apology from our sponsors:

So my post earlier was just a little off. Sorry bout that. I love my patriotism and often I get so excited about that I often sound a little judgmental.

We return to our regular scheduled programing.

I.E ME.

A couple of months ago I wrote about my evil alter ego Drake and how he came in and ravaged my body for a couple of days. I know realize that Drake wasn't just visiting. Oh no dear readers. He moved in for good.

Or for the Star Wars Fans.

I embraced the dark side. To be honest embraced is the wrong word. I attacked the mother chicken like a hot roll slathered in butter on Thanksgiving. I've drank my dark sinful coca cola, I ve slurped my way through ice cream cones, and I have drank enough slurpees to make realize that covering your hands in day glow markers does not make the time go faster but rather gives you odd looks from people.

Did any of it make me happy?

NOPE.

In fact it made me bitter. Cause I realized something. Skinny pretty people have a language that they use when they talk at each other. Its like a high frequency that they can just stare at each other and go yup. I am pretty. And they judge us fat people. Knowing that if we were ever stuck in a Donner party situation their marathon/triathlon training could catch us and serve us up to have enough for a four course dinner party. But back to staring and pretty people staring at each us fat people. Cause I am not on of the group.

And I right now am not pretty.

No.

I'm FAT!

Not just kinda fat.

But the FAT where you realize that your fat pants are too snug!

Oh dear.

Case in point. Yesterday I was on the OBGYN floor and realized that my stomach was the same size as most of these women in their nine months of carrying their bundle of joy. My stomach wins. Only I can't blame it on baby.

Just almond Joys. And Mint Chocolate Chip Ice cream. And Slurpees. And stress.

A brief preview of tomorrow's post:

Oh fat people of the world lets unite for one day shall we?

Lets strike.

Lets throw things at the pretty people and make them wear fat suits just to see how it feels.

But anyway. More on that tomorrow.

I'm Just a Bill...

Did you go vote today?

I did.

Why?

Because I like to ability to complain about the people that were elected into office. I can praise or say whoa Nelly! About what they do in office. Because I know I am the one who voted them in.

Cause if you didn't vote then you don't the get the choice to say anything.

Voting is painless. ID sign hit the button and your done. While you stand in line you can talk to your neighbors. Or Friends. Or make new friends.

It all depends on you.

(I'm getting off my soapbox now.)

As Long As You Need Me..

Just a little preview of what is coming.

Despite all the prayers.

and begging from the civic.

To be upgraded to something with four wheel drive.

Or perhaps its the driver who is doing the begging?

Who knows?

Did you realize we are entering the fat season?

Lets talk candy. Turkey. And whatever you do for the Chrismakkuah season.

Oh my poor fat pants.

They are already stuffed to the brim.

Lets get fat together shall we?

Whoops...

Have you had a nice October?

I have.

Lets catch up shall we?

All I did was work. work. work. Work.I worked so much I tried writing a song about it.

Did I mention I worked?

I worked so much I didn't get to go outside and see the fall leaves.

Or sit by the window and read a good book with a nice hot mug of candy cane hot chocolate. (Not spiked despite present rumors.)

I moved back in to my childhood home. Which was something I vowed I would never do but lets face it. I vowed not to drive a mini van, listen to Beyonce or watch Glee and I have caved on all of those so what's one more on the list?

My wallet decided that we couldn't be friends anymore and vanished with my whole pay check from Farr's. Cause a certain individual doesn't make mistakes. Yeah right buddy. Me you and at the church parking lot 3 pm. Oh well. Do over for my driver's license picture!

I'm going to South Carolina in two weeks.

And I promise I am going to update too.

Thanks for checking in.

Missed ya.

B

I work till I Ache in My Bones...

Sorry.

Its been a while.

Been quite busy. With the fall temperatures thinking its still summer things have been busy scooping away.

Plus that Swine flu. Keeps things busy.

I have been so tired.

But more tomorrow.

Just letting you know that I am back.

Missed you all.

(Thanks Jackie for reminding me to post!)

One Way Or Another They're Gonna Getcha

( I seriously need to take more pictures.)

I am officially announcing my true and utter distaste of teenage vampire fiction/movies/posters/my name is Edward and I glow in the sun. (Perhaps a little too much fake baking there Edward? Skin Cancer hello!) last night as I was celebrating the last night in the bungalow I had to take back a movie back to Hastings. For your information it was not Twilight. Being a tad bit bored I decided to take a gander around the store to see if there was anything worth reading in the future. (Budget small dreams big!)

Walking up and down the isles the newest books were all vampires this and vampires that. If this is the new idea of love a glorified hickie? Seriously? I get the whole fantasy of having somebody imortally loving you but if you aren't immortal that's going to get a one sided ugly. Fast. Before you think that I am blasting vampire fiction I have you know that I did read Ann Rice and I enjoyed it. Tried to read the whole Edward/Bella/Jacob/ whoever else but I just couldn't do it.

But perhaps this bitterness of vampire fiction comes from a darker place. Moving. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate to be visually reminded about how much crap I have. I purge and it grows back. I have materialitis maybe? Why is it we need so much? Why do I need so much to feel secure? Plates/dishes/ clothes/ artwork. This time I'm moving back in with the mother till I have enough saved to get my own apartment.

Which will be soon.

I promise.

But with out vampires.

Open Me Up And You Will See I am A Gallery of Broken Hearts

They say that home is where the heart is.

I guess I haven't found my home.

Cause I'm a little lost.

A little

Fragmented.

Pieces of me here.

Pieces of me there.

Sometimes I wonder if

I'm everywhere.

but here.

I'm broken.


all over the place.

lost.
scared.

rejected.

Who am I?

My name is Blake FARR URE.

I can tell you stories.

I tell you stories.

So I am not lost.

Take me in your heart.

Share me with others.

Give me to others.

So if I disappear you can say.

He was here.

There.

Everywhere.

If I was stronger I could tell you.

Of that which is inside of me.

What would be revealed on the surgeon's table?

Besides my organs?

Would they tell you my story?

Would the words be written on my bones? From my head down to my toes?

My ribs.

They hold it together.


My story.

Where the heart is.

Is where my home is.



It is where I is.

I Don't Know Why I'm Frightened...

I dreamed it snowed last night. Snow was falling. Yet I had no idea where I was. It was as if all the places I had awakened to see snow had combined to create a multi layered world. The window was framed with all sorts of different aspects.

When snow comes it covers all the imperfections that show up.

Ever want to have instant weight loss? Buy yourself a huge puffy coat (as seen above) wear two or three layers underneath. Then when you show up at a party, or church, or work you take such a great deal taking off each layer. Think a well planned burlesque dance. By the time you get down to the very last layer your looking pretty skinny and all your friends and coworkers are going to go wow! Who is that skinny person.

Just stay away from a scale.

(Post edit.

Where in the hell do I come up with this? Oh well. I hope you enjoyed it.)

Post post edit.

I think this is the first time I have used HELL-o in my blog.

Why am I thinking of snow? What is wrong with me?

Wait.

Don't answer that.

Let me have my dreams.

They are like paper.

They tear so easily.

Again with the sappiness.

See this is what happens when I don't blog for awhile. madness.

Pure and utter madness.

Lets Go Buy Everbody Sweaters and Teach Them How to Dance

Hey you !

Yes You!

Did you notice fall was coming today?

Time to cool down a little.

Take off those swimsuits. Pull out the sweaters. The scarfs. The coats.

Put away the lawn mower.

Bring out the pumpkins.

Walk among the colors of the trees.

Feel the chill.

Preparing to bring a cup of cheer to neighbors.

Cause Fall is here!

Yippee!

Happiness is A Guy Named Joe

(Thanks Lindsay for letting me borrow this photo)

I thought of this picture today. Cause I've been thinking about humility and the how when in the moments we do our best we often need a lift to get us home. A little background on the photo. The princess had finished another award wining marathon but needed a ride home. So Joey being the wonderful man he is obliged.

Cause he's cool like that.

Like super cool.

Way better than the farmer cool. (Less parental issues and no cows are involved.) Earlier today I tried writing a post about how sometimes we need to be lifted by others till we are stronger to stand on our own. But sometimes I get tired talking about myself and so focusing on the humility aspect I thought I would focus on Joey.

Why is Joey a super lifter? Cause he makes my sister happy. Not like the fake big smile to your molars smile but the the genuine giggle out loud funny. Cause he's the only person I've seen vacation with the whole Farr clan and live to tell about it. In fact he fit in so well everybody was asking down at the beach "Where's Joey?"

Also Joey loves his candy. And who can't like a person who loves candy?

Plus he supports the princess as she tries to prove to the world that physically can be a iron woman. And he's there at the finish line with a smile on his face and a hug. But that's not all. He did the John Muir Trail. Just cause he wanted to.


He creates cool buildings too.

So who is your super lifter in your life? Have you told them thanks lately?

Cause they might need it.

Just a thought.

Blake

Sort Of...Kinda..Maybe..

Have you ever heard the saying that in life is a matter of nothing happening and then all at once everything happens. Today in church I had a sudden thought of clarity. An AHA! Moment. What would you want people to know about your life that you have lead if suddenly you disappeared from the face of the earth? What would be your final statement.

(This is not a morbid post but rather a thought building one.)

If I was suddenly gone I would look over the mountain trails I had walked and I would drop a stone on the door steps of all the people who have been my life teachers and on those rocks I would write one word for the lessons they have taught me through the years.

As I lifted higher I would try to visit all the places that meant so much to me, gaze around the rooms where I spent all my happy times. Look at the fences I gossiped over. The bathrooms I cried in, and I would seek the friends who teach me so much in a moment of peace and I would whisper in their ear a silent thank you.

Rising higher as the world looked like a sphere I would say I lived my life. I tried to fill each moment and I loved my life. I loved my mistakes. (I hate that question "if you could undo any mistake which one would you do?" I always answer nothing. Cause If I had a chance to do redo I would do the same mistakes. What can I say? I'm stubborn.)

I love my life.

Blake

I Just Wanna Be Okay...

Where have I been?

Why I have been right here.

Haven't you seen me?

I need you Help! Actually Noelle needs you help.

I need your help.

My Friend Noelle's brother is in the running for a free LASIKS. Which is great for blind people us hearing impaired people dream of the day. Anyway if you read this before wen please go to hoopesvision.com/contest. If you have questions. let me know. Blog post tomorrow and long explanation of where I have been.

Walking in the Street in your Worn Out Shoes..

I love coming home !


I took a little rest and relaxation trip this weekend. One of those where you throw anything in a suitcase and a good book and off you go. It wasn't about the destination but rather getting away from my life for three days and look at things from another angle. It was such a relaxing trip that I didn't even take one picture.

Not one.

Do you have a group of people who give you wisdom? The ones who look at you through the fatty cells and see you for who you are? They tell you the things a soul needs to hear.

I needed that.

I'm refreshed.

NOT CANCELING HIS BLOG!

I've got to stop thinking out loud. Yesterday on my facebook status I inadvertently said that I was thinking bout canceling my blog. I'm not.I was thinking bout the direction I was taking it. Sorry for the confusion.

Blake got Fat is here to stay.

Promise.

Wash Away...

I have found a new place of solitude. Running around in the patient tower as I deliver food I have discovered there are places I love to visit and places that I'd rather be a million miles away from. In my new place its similar to the LDS temple. I haven't felt peace in a place like this in a long time. Not the quiet moment of peace you experience before you go to asleep, or after you finish reading a wonderful book and you let the book fall to the floor as you embrace the joys of spontaneous nap.

No this is a place of deeper peace.

The one that speaks to your soul.

And tells you that you are part of something bigger.

That life can be fragile.

That burdens can be easily washed away.

Like a sudden rain storm in August.

The kind that billows up in the afternoon.

With just a gentle wind.

And as you sit and watch the clouds let go.

Wishing you could do the same.

Its the oddest place.

Where life comes to an end.

Or restarts.


My place isn't that special.

In fact its a place where you probably never want to visit.

Its the middle ground.

Where many change life goals.

Say goodbye.

Or others wake up.

With renewed purpose.


I found a new place for peace today.

Have you found yours?

Who Can Turn the World on With a Smile?

So I have a confession. I have a small fascination with theme songs from TV shows. I love the jaunty beat and the overall theme that sets the tone for the show. Take Mary Tyler Moore for instance you know whatever hijinks and trouble she is going to get in she is going to make it after all. Or the OC with those beautiful panoramic shots of Newport beach or my all time favorite Cheers. You knew that everybody was friends down at Sam's Bar.

So what does my odd fascination with theme songs and today's post? In my new adventure of starting something new I wonder what would be my theme song for this new job? Is it going to be jaunty (like How I met Your Mother?) Intense like House? What will be the montage shots of me doing?Of course I will be smiling but what else? It is an intersting thought. When in the great hereafter and your life movie is being played what do you want it to be? With a lovely happy upbeat theme or one of those dark and depressing ones?

Just some thoughts to think about.

SUMMERtime...

And now as summer comes to a close and while most of my friends and others prepare for school I am entering to another phase in my life. Yippe! As I cast off the shackles of college life I have shed off weight, emotions, and gone back to my roots. Yes this is a summer that will be remembered as one that goes up and down learning to live with myself (and my messes) and trying new things seeing what parts of myself do I want to carry on for my second parts of my adventurous twenties?

Well come Monday a new chapter opens. A new job and new people. Come Friday I'm treating myself to a little mini vacation so while everyone is in school I'm going to treat myself to some fun on the northern California coast.

Well here's to something new.

Jorge returns...

An now for a brief letter from JORGE. Check Monday's post.

Confessions of A Ice Cream Scooper.

It is time for me to reveal the truth behind the ice cream scooping. Many have wondered what is the secret behind the magic at Farr Better Ice Cream. The scooper code relies on secrecy and very strong hand to wrist action. For this one night only I will reveal the truth behind the magic.

1. We hate the long lines just as much as you do.
2. Never get between a Mormon Youth Group and ice cream.
3. Every body's best friends till you run out of chocolate peanut butter.
4. We know the million variations of Cherry Chocolate Chip. Cherry Garden, Cherry Spray, Cherry chocolate spray etc..in the end its always cherry chocolate chip.
4. When you point to a flavor in the bin and say "That one" what "one" are you referring to? We have over 80 flavors.
5. Your kids are always going to need cups.
6. When you come in at 9:59 pm and order milkshakes, sundaes, or banana splits you are automatically on our least favorite customer list.
7. When "they" discontinue a flavor its not our fault. Sometimes flavors have to die. Its just a part of a scooper's life. Moaning about it won't bring it back. Just enjoy the memory.
8. Saying "Bingo! Yatzee! etc..." when we announce your number is only cute when you are 12. 56? Not so much.
9. We don't judge you for what you order. We know that we deal frozen dairy crack and we are okay with it.
10. In 1930 single scoop ice cream cones were .05 cents. Now they are 1.99. Welcome to the 2000's just pay. We understand you are moaning about your lost youth but we can't change it.
11. If you don't know what to get JUST ASK! We always have flavors that aren't on the menu board and you won't know they exist unless you ask us if there is something they should get.
12. If you are going to ask for a million samples and then stick to your favorite flavor of vanilla please come in and sample them when we aren't packed. We already know its vanilla. Its always vanilla.
13. It seems that we are always crowded but if you come in around before traditional feeding times we are pretty light.
14. When we are out of waffle cones don't complain. You aren't there for the cone you are there for the ice cream. It taste just as good on another cone. If you really want one we have cage fighting every friday night. May the best fighter win.

15. We love our jobs. Treat us nice and we might just treat you!

Phoning it in..

A brief conversation with Lola:

ME:
Lola its been a busy couple of days. I have been so busy that I haven't had the chance to even blog about it.
LOLA:
Buffy the Vampire Slayer has been that interesting ja?
ME:
No haven't I told you? I got a new job working at the hospital for room service.
LOLA:
You bring up fresh towels and do turn down service?
ME:
No I bring food to the patients.
LOLA:
That makes a lot more sense.
ME:
It is nice. I haven't actually started but next week its 5 am wake up calls but guess what the best news ever? No scooping!

I Can't Give You Anything But Love..

Dear Blake,

Its Me! Jorge! Why do you feel that you can torment me with those loafs of banana bread you made last week for your chica neighbors and think that you can just mix with me like there hasn't been any beef. I mean really! I mixed and mixed for you and the second that you are like "I'm taking a brief dieting break you try to get back up on this ice blue ghetto bowl of mine you are dreaming. Cause I am a strong independent mixer and you can't bring me down. No sir."
Through the marvelous help of LOLA (Yes I have conversations with your show girl couch too.) I realize that I am going to strike out on my own and be big. You hear that? Beyonce Single Ladies Big.

Please don't put me back in cabinet. I promise I will be a good mixer. I will wait for you! But I need commitment. I need security.
Call ME!
XOXO

JORGE

I Feel A Song Coming On..

Its a red shoe kinda of day. Gonna follow my own yellow brick road.

More tonight!

(Post edit!Normally I don't do a post edit I do a new picture and try to impress you with my smartness and witty humor. But tonight I'm tired. )

What is a red shoe kind of day? When I was in high school I wasn't necessarily the most popular person on campus. Not the Josie Grossie but not exactly Blake Superstar either. I feel nicely in the middle. Being in the middle is where I always end up it seems. Its okay. Years of therapy has gotten me to accept it.

I was lonely. But what High School Student isn't? I have watched lots of High School Angst TV on DVD its a common theme so I'm sure I'm not alone in that department I mean watch an episode of Buffy or The O.C, 90210..I'm going to stop or my male pride will go flying out of the window.

But my Grandma Dar has this special gift. One I'm trying to hone and create in my life. But she always knew when I was feeling a little blue and battered. It was always so exciting to get called out of class for "a family emergency" and there would be grandma waiting to take you out to lunch and shopping. Who needs Math? I certainly didn't. (Don't think there is going to be a I've seen the light and Math is my best friend blog post. Its not going to happen.)

One day we were at Dillard's and I found these amazing pair of red Diesel shoes. I mean they were cool and manly and I wanted them but I didn't have the money and I walked on by. My grandma bought them for me and sent them to me with a note saying
"Some days are blue days, some are brown days, and sadly some are black days but on Red days you can conquer the world. "
Love
Grandma Dar.

So I save those red Diesel for truly truly special occasions. That's why during the dark and stormy period before I started this blog I bought myself my own pair of red shoes. Hence the red converses for just the minor take over the world need good luck boost days.

It was this morning that I put on the red shoes and found myself at the ATC enrolling into the MEDICAL OFFICE program. This time it felt right. Not like medical assisting. Like the terms hate the idea of jabbing people with needles. So I enrolled. Then as I was walking out of the ATC my picture taken for the student ID card that I will never ever show. Perhaps when I am famous the nosy people at US magazine will use it for what happens to Stars on a bad day. Its just that good.

Anyway. I was having my Mary Tyler Moore moment (minus the hat toss cause that just would have been awkward.) The phone rings. See two post ago about how excited I get over nameless phone numbers. This time however it was from Natalie from Mckay Dee hospital. Now when I was up this morning (5 in the morning mind you why? Because my brain thought it would be fun! You know what else would be fun? SLEEP! Preferably the wake up at 8 or 9 variety.) So doing my strength training and yoga poses on the Wii fit I had decided that I would say no to the dishwasher position. I may kibitz about being an professional ice cream scooper at least I deal with people and work with friends.

But oh no. Natalie had a little surprise up her sleeve. Oh yes something that really threw me for a loop. Would I like to be a patient server? Would I? Does Tiffany still send stuff in blue boxes? But don't buy from Tiffany's buy from Farr's. Wish she had called before I signed up for 30 hours of school a week. Yup. Here I a go back to school. But at least this time I have cool red shoes and I'm the cool kid who works at Farr's.

So what do I do?

Check

Yes?

No?

No eat a three gallon of ice cream instead.

Help?

What to Do What to Do the Outlook was Decidely Blue...

This is the only picture I have of me scooping ice cream at the moment. I call it "Professional Scooper". During the tumultuous second interview All I could think of was this image. Is this is the image of what I am suppose to be the rest of my life? A scooper of joy? A sundae of sadness? A hot fudge river of emotions?

During the interview I was Blake Adorable. Funny, direct, and sold my self with internal jazz hands. The ultimate professional scooper. Yet as I sat there waiting for my appointment I saw all these other well dressed IHC employees coming in and leaving and they looked so happy and content with the jobs that they had. Then looking at this picture I realized that as much as I joke and use the term professional scooper if I had the choice I would throw it away for the chance for something different.

The other day I blogged bout going to the ATC to get my MA and when I showed up on campus I heard this big ole' voice say "RUN AWAY! BIG BUNNY RUN AWAY!" sorry bad Monty Python reference. So I did. I ran away! Well not exactly running more along of the lines of gimped away but it sounds better if you say I ran away!

So now what?

Anybody have a stripper pole? Wait strike that. The last thing I need is the Mormon Mafia to organize and protest. Don't laugh they exist. Be afraid. They are watching you! What depresses me the most is that yesterday I was doing the "what diet should you do?" quiz in O magazine and I thought why am I being reactive in life instead of being proactive? Why moan about these extra pounds when you can actually go out and do something about it?

So that's what I did. I went out for a hike. Saw the beautiful skyline and got just a brief answer. "Hold still and know I am here. Something is coming."

Well that's positive.

Gotta go.

Time to polish my professional scooper badge.

But the World Goes Round..

I love this pic of Joey and Grandma Dar. They are making "shadows" according to Joey.

Sorry that I have become such an absentee blogger lately. Some days I just don't have much to say or else I am so tired all you get is me trying to act like I know what I am doing. Ha! Fat chance.

Tomorrow is the big interview.

For the dishwashing job.

Which I really want.

It may be a linear move but its a move right?

More tomorrow.

And I Will Sing This Song While I Wash My Dishes

You know that you have reached a new level of life when after two months of searching for a job your luck begins to turn. Finally after months of silence the phone rings. You gasp! Dust off the phone and pick up trying not to sound giddy. A small preview if you will:

BRING (That's the phone in case you are wondering)
Blake: Hi this is Blake (cause it's not Momma Joye calling and I don't recognize the number)
Anonymous person: Hi is Blake Ure there?
Blake: This is him.
Anonymous person: Hi Blake this is Becky from IHC and I was calling to see if you would like to come in for an interview...
This was the moment that I acted like a total high school girl. These were the thoughts that were streaming inside my head "Okay sound calm. Sound cool like your interested but not too interested. Then it was followed by a whole bunch of "Oh my gosh Oh my gosh oh my gosh Shut up! I know totally right! Then the nagging voice inside my head pointed back to the phone and it was like FOCUS!
Becky: This is for the dishwasher position. We need you to prepare a 2 minute presentation you can use visual aides.

Blake: I think I can do that. (Wait all this for a dishwasher part time position? Seriously? But don't judge)

Becky: All right we will see you on Thursday.

So I walked in there today all dressed up so nice and had my flawless presentation ready. I didn't hear the part where this was going to be a group presentations, followed by group assessments, personality test, and what would happen if I got stranded on the moon.

All Jolly fun.

But the called me for a second interview next Tuesday so I must have done something right no?

Open a New Window Open a NewDoor...

This is my moose tracks epiphany as I was leaning into the ice cream bin yesterday I realized something. First ice cream looks ten times less appealing when you wear it on your arms all day and second that I was never ever going to get out the ice cream bin if I kept on the same direction in my life. As I looked into the depths of the vanilla ice cream with a fudge swirl and little mounds of truth filled with peanut butter I could see my life laid out in front of me. Nothing but endless people whining about no waffle cones, lack of spaces to sit, and the same dumb jokes over and over again. No I haven't been in a arm wrestling contest but I bet I could beat your rear fanny! Or my personal favorite This must be the best job ever! Which I always want to say if its so great want to trade? I'll do yours!

So I am going to the ATC and getting my Medical Assistant.

More tomorrow!

Simply Sleep is kicking in and I'm seeing double...

I Could Keep On Dancing Just For Show..

Its funny when you graduate from college the ceremony is called commencement. Which I found out means a beginning. In a sense when they hand you that lovely diploma cover the powerful university hands you back your life and says go and do something marvelous! Then as a little side note they call you up every six months and go "Hi My name is Julie I'm calling on the behalf of Utah State University your generous donation is late this month is everything okay?"

So if you have noticed lately I've been feeling a little lost. Like Dorothy in the Wizard of OZ I've crash landed in a rather odd land. At the moment I'm clinging to the my little farmhouse swatting at the little people who are trying to help me going Get Me Home! I just want to go home! Yet I know that my yellow brick road is waiting for me. I can see it. I have barely touched it. I haven' t done the big old skip around the circle yet.
I know that my future is very bright and shinny with just a hint of green but I can't seem to get to it. However I realized that two months ago the people I swatted away I've been running back to saying I'm sorry please forgive me. It is crazy navigating this grown up world. So when I have it figured it out I'll keep you posted.

My Stomach Back and There's Going to Be Trouble...

I wrote myself a postcard a couple of months ago when I started this blog and I sent it to myself a few weeks ago with out looking at what I wrote.

" Hey Fatty,
Congrats on starting the blog and making the goal to lose weight! You are going to be awesome! But send this postcard when you gain the weight back, know that you can do this! You are strong! You are wonderful! You are BFU!
Best of Luck! You can do this! "


So.

As you can guess it kinda came back. Today was one of those days when you look at yourself and go yup. I've been using food as an emotional buffer again!



The Bridget Jones Moment:

Weight:220.9
BMI:30.8

Water 3 liters

Breakfast: Handful of fruit and a yoplait 100 calorie yogurt.

Lunch: Junipter Burger with onion rings

Dinner: Scoop of Almond Divinty Ice Cream.

Snacks:
String cheese.

A Piece Of Sky...

Have you ever read a past blog post and gone what in the world was I on when I wrote that one? I did the Wii active this morning (Thanks Stacy! Its awesome!) and I realized that sometimes what we are given are the tools to rearrange your life with. If you can tell lately I have obsessing about how I am stuck in the my old high school self. However As I was skating up Nob hill I realized that I was given Josie Grossie moment.

The chance to get a do over.

Instead of being the husky and boring high school student that I was focused on all the things that were so wrong and depressing in my life I can now be able to be like Look at Me! I'm happy! Yes things haven't changed but my attitude can. A good friend of mine sent me a quote from Elder Wirthlin (Yes here is the Mormon reference in my blog.) "Come What May and Love it." So I am going to try that attitude.

Gain 10 pounds? Bring it on!

Stuck scooping ice cream? What a wonderful way to see the diversity of Ogden City.

Bungalow drama. Well who wouldn't want to live in a soap opera?

All out of TV on DVD? Well I have been meaning to read some informational books.

See it's working already!

Try it today!

I Fall to Pieces...

(I know I know I've used this photo before but I've been lazy. Really lazy.)

This is not a happy post. Just a little warning.

Have you ever felt that you were stuck in a circle of perpetual crazy? The last few days I have been on such a eating bender trying to make myself feel better about my life and where I'm going.

I'm getting frustrated.

That and I'm hot and bothered. I'm ready for the rain.

Cool me down a little.

I took a little spontaneous blogging vacation. I hadn't planned on it but at the moment my life consists of many hours of scooping and little success in getting in the door of where I want to go. Have you ever experienced those moments when you look at where your life is and the dreams you had? How much do you want to hear me carp about the stickiness of my arms? Cause at the moment the are really sticky so sticky that in fact I put my arms down on the table and got stuck.

Picture me trying to lift my arms off the table.

Grunting.

Straining.

Moaning.

A little whimper.

Great cardio workout though.


I'm not going to lie. I thought that I had mastered the whole sugary cravings and was eating so well when my emotions took a nose dive and I rediscovered the wonders of all the blackness that truly lies inside the freezer section of a grocery store. I eat to fill the void inside. Isn't that sad?

I eat to hide my shame.

I eat for that moment when I get to feel full instead of empty.

Like all addicts though you hate yourself more when you have been skinny cause now you have the memory of what it felt like to be fit and happy. Yet I went to the gym. It made me feel better.

Just a little.

There is hope.

Stick with me.

WHEE! FIREWORKS!

So this weekend was quite the blur.

Lets start out with Saturday.

I have decided that Saturday afternoon's at Farr Better Ice Cream has taught me that people are really quite rude when it comes to getting their sinfully delicious ice cream. After six intense hours of saying "Well yes Sir I understand your frustration that we are out of Waffle cones but we do have four different options and looking at your stomach you probably would benefit from our no sugar added line..." or "Ma'm please put down the napkin holder I understand that you drove down all the way from Alaska to get some Playdough Ice Cream but we are currently out of it. So step away from the bin take a deep breath and hand over the napkin holder please.."

But thankfully time eventually does go on and I was able to leave at five.

When I got a interesting phone call.

Would I like to crash a wedding?

Would I?

Why Yes I would!

So off I went to Millcreek canyon to go to the wonderful restaurant called Log Haven. (Have you ever been there?) So after siting in the civic and driving half way to Provo I finally found the entrance to Millcreek canyon. So I drive up ever so slowly wondering where in the world I was going. As I take twist and turns finally discovering a lovely restaurant called Millcreek Restaurant with a wedding going on and miracles of miracles a parking spot. (I'm late at this point in case you are wondering) Rushing in there looking like I had been at sea for months I was quietly handed a glass of wine from the bartender and told to stand on the back cause I was right in the middle of the wine toast. Standing there vainly looking for my dear friends and cheering this happy couple I quietly but urgently asked the bartender if this was Log Haven? He laughed and said it was a mile up the road. Quickly toasting my glass and handing it back to the very nice bartender I ran to my car.

So to Rachel and Tim I hope you have a wonderful life. If anybody knows them tell them it was me who wrote the very nice description in their wedding scrapbook.

Jumping in the civic I tore out the parking lot with the gravel flying out behind me I finally made it to Log Haven. Where the nice Valet man flagged me down and said "Blake hurry!" How he knew me I had no idea. So literally throwing my keys at the poor man I ran up the stairs met Courtney who had been waiting for me. After a quick clean up in the bathroom I enjoyed a very nice dinner (30 dollar a plate! Better than a salad any old day..)

And proceeded to crash another wedding.

So if anybody needs a wedding date call me!

You Aren't Sorry

Words Words Words Words

Words. Words. Words. Words.

Words Words Words


We use words as source of emotional warfare. We say them to comfort ourselves when we aren't living up to standards

So we lie to families

We lie to the neighbors
sometimes we lie
cause we like the sound of them.
But sadly

we lie to ourselves all the time.

Like when I ate a whole half gallon of ice cream.

Then went to the store and bought another one.

Then I lied and said I went to the gym afterwords.

but I actually laid on the couch.

watching desperate housewives.

Maybe I should stop saying Sorry.

And let my actions speak louder

than my WORDS.

Cause words without power

have no strength

and become fat and flabby.

weak and sad.

But words have the ability to heal too.

Simple ones usually do the trick

Hello

I'm with you

Let me help

You make me proud

since I am (and you are too) all children

instead of glaring and looking for faults

we should look for the good.

Lets use the good WORDS.

And I Want To Thank You...

So lately I have been regressing a little bit in my maturity level. Lately I have been stuck in the late 90's and early 2000's as far as music and sayings. For example when I was working last night at the Farr's when somebody expressed their undying love for Playdough ice cream. Ordinarily I just give that big fake "Oh how nice smile" while secretly I mock them. (I'm a bitter ice cream scooper what can I say?) before I could stop myself I found myself saying If you like it so much why don't you marry it?

Another example. I have discovered the joyous wonder of the wonderful artist Dido. Though her name has a certain naughty qualities which we won't discuss cause this is a family environment. Anyway back to the main focus of the is post I just wanted to say thank you to all the awesome readers out here who take time out their busy workdays to read about my addictions to food, my strange obsession with ABBA (I know it scares me too) and the love struck Spanish mixer. Through it all you have been here. I thank you for telling your friends.

Sappy I know.

But sometimes I just have to say it.

Take that Ride...

Sometimes you look at pictures and go what in the world was I thinking?

But that's not the point of this post.After writing the last post I was seriously thinking of throwing the is whole Blake Got Fat project in the dumpster and start fresh with my new new love Mint Chocolate Ice Cream. However she's like a crack whore always trying to score another hit and I realized that no matter what I gave her she would would leave me for some other sugar daddy. (I don't know where this crap comes from but go with it.)

I realize that weight loss and forging a new identity is rather frustrating (like those facebook quizzes they just suck you in and then you realize that you are not the Michal Jackson Song you thought you were) After a rather explosive night at the bungalow and finishing off a half of a half gallon I realized that this wasn't really a healthy way to deal with my frustration. You can eat a lot of food but until you focus on what's really bothering you, its a lot of lonely nights in front of the television with Desperate housewives (or your soap opera of your choice).

I threw away the self medication and wrote this blog post.

I've heard the the withdrawal symptoms can be a real downer. So it might be 2 episodes of season four of desperate housewives tonight instead of one. With the fridge nicely padlocked.

There was A Time..

For the last couple of weeks I have been going through a really rough patch or in Oprahneses "creating a new normal". If you have been following lately you notice the lack of the Bridget Jones Moment and the lack of the terms of exercise, Mamma Mia, and the true reason why you stop by to see the fat drenched pictures of me laying on the floor dying.

In all things on this blog I have striven for honesty.So here is me being honest. I've gotten back in a bad cycle again with food. At the moment I am fighting the urge to finish off the half gallon of Mint Chocolate Chip ice cream. Since it is currently 11:34 pm I don't really want to call anyone and bug them so I am blogging this. A weird version of Over eater's anonymous perhaps?

When I started this a good friend said that food was like any addiction. When stressed or challenged we often return back to negative behaviors. Boy is that true.

Who ever said keeping fit and skinny was easy was never fat or paid somebody a lot of money to guarantee that they would never get that way again.

Stay posted.

This is merely a setback.

Not the end.

Promise.

Think of Me

I gave myself the day off yesterday from the wonderful world of Blake Got Fat, because being as awesome as I am sometimes you just have to give yourself a break in order to humble yourself low enough to gain something to blog about or to put it in laymans terms I was strung out like a junkie watching Desperate Housewives.

Before the phone calls come in lambasting me for not applying for jobs give me a chance to defend myself.I am a die hard Grey's fan. I mean like Thursday night 8pm you do not bother me,do not call me and this is the only time in which I have been known to merely point to the tv and ignore the person talking to me. Yet the day after the fourth of July I was laying in the bungalow dying from a very patriotic version of food poisoning and in my moment of desperate need of entertainment thus I dusted off the first season and was hooked. Can you blame me? I have so little to live for at the moment. From the Mary Alice shocker to the hostage situation at the Grocery store I am utterly hooked.

Looks like my Sunday nights just got more interesting.

Racing in the Streets...

Forest Gump always said life is like a box of chocolates you never know which one you are going to get. As absurd and strangely fitting as that saying is I believe that it is a little flawed. Life is not chocolates but rather like a box of doughnuts. Where Forrest was talking about the inner soul people we meet in our lives I however believe more in the superficial outlook. We are doughnuts. Round and with a little variation of glazes we are all the same.

Deep I know.

Can you believe it only took me 25 years to come up with that conclusion?

Oh Say Can You See...

For some people it is known when the month of July has arrived in Utah. It is the month of the fight of the Patriotic t-shirts at Old Navy. The slight sigh of desperation coming from mothers realizing that school will not start for another month and like a diabetic sugar level after eating a pixie stick (blue is my favorite) a sudden spike in heat descends upon us. For others it is the dilemma do you go to the Days of 47 parade or watch it on television with the AC blasting upon you?

Yet for me July means something different.

It announces the holy mecca of professional cycling.

The Tour De France.

Yes. While others smile in matching fourth of July t-shirts and fight to stave off boredom I watch the tour. When I was younger I used to despise the tour for the mere sake of driving my father nuts it seemed that July was the month the momma took a vacation and left the princess and I in the care of my father. Normally after the fun actives and interesting places my father took us (miniature horse show anyone?) The princess and I would have free access to the forbidden fruit.

Cable Television. Oh how we feasted on the wonders of "You can't say that on Television, Hey Dude, Salute My Shorts and Double Dare. We would come home on would go the Sony and my dad would get some down time. That would change come the month of July. That's when we would race home to watch the latest stage as it was broadcast over to the states. In this P.L period (Pre Lance) it was awkward to explain to my friends who watched baseball with their fathers the wonders and thrilling excitement of the Tour.

For me instead of awkward photos and long parades July equals the excitement of a bicycle race, in those harrowing climbing stages to the triumphant cross to the finish line in Paris that is how I know it is July.

This is part of the big secret that I announced a couple of days ago.

Some highlights of what is coming to Blake Got Fat.

The return of the Bridget Jones Moment.

The slow reveal of the big secret.

Get Excited!

We Go On Hurting Each Other..

Why is it that I have fallen in love with such a sinful treat? I keep on telling myself when I walk past it at the grocery store that I need to just walk on by and pay no attention to it like Heidi and Spencer Pratt just pretend it doesn't exist and eventually it will go away.

Well its been two pints (or two weeks) later and I'm still hooked. Do they have a twelve step program for Java Chip Frap Ice Cream lovers? Cause either its time for me to have a self intervention or check myself into ice cream rehab. This is a serious matter. I find myself sneaking a bite here and there through an episode of Desperate Housewives, job searching, and dare I say it telephone calls?

I'm a terrible person.

But if you add sprinkles to this sinfully delicious treat. Oh Heaven.

Sweet delicious sinfully heaven.

We All Need Pills to Sleep at Night..

Why this photo? Because I need to take some new photos that's why. That and who doesn't need a sexy pin up for their computer screen? I mean we all need a little something sexy to get our engines going when ever we turn on the computer. So feel free to copy and paste it for your back ground on your computer. I won't tell anybody. It will be our little secret. Like that time when you promised yourself "just one bite" and proceeded to eat a whole pint of Haagan Daz ice cream.

I won't tell.

Cause sometimes having a secret is what gets us going through the day. I don't trust people who claim to live a completely honest life. For some reason they are the ones I find on the Channel Five news broadcast admitting to having an affair.

But often there are the secrets so juicy, so scandalous that when they are exposed we often don't know what to do with them. We feign ignorance or mild surprise but in reality it shocks down to our very core. We don't know how to respond.

So we pretend we don't see it.

Yes sometimes its good for the soul to have a few secrets stashed away inside to use as emotional currency to use for ourselves and to give away to others when the time is right. But often when those secrets get revealed before it is time is when the real problems start.

I have a good one.

But its not time to reveal it yet.

Can you guess what it is?

Here's a hint.

It's going to shock you.

Coming Around Again..

(This is me working on a post thought you would want to see where the "magic" happens. Yes my drink is on a coaster don't worry!)

Have you ever wondered when something wonderful is going to happen to you? Lately I have been invited to share my presence in celebrating the union of two souls who fell in love, people who answered the phone and were offered wonderful job opportunities, and some through the magic of their union are welcoming a new addition to their families. When I woke up this morning I buried deep inside the comforter and in that moment of wakefulness and sleep I pondered on what and where my life was going.

It was a interesting question to ponder on.

What would you do if you every step you took landed you right back in the same place you were in six years ago?

I felt rage.

(Wait stay with me there is going to be a positive twist coming)

I was given one of those rare Josie Grossey Moments. If you could go back to the moment that your life changed and change the outcome would you do it? Working at Farr's isn't exactly the most glamorous moment in my life.

But its a job.

It pays the bills.

After running on the treadmill I realized that sometimes we have to prepare ourselves accept change and adversity. To transition often requires us to go back to previous places and thoughts. Going back to Farr's allows me to see that I have friends who work there that are the ones cheering on the sidelines wishing me the best.

Sometimes its nice to get support instead of being the supporter.

Through all of this I must thank my Dad. Instead of focusing on the negative he pushes me each day and allows me to live in the Bungalow allowing me to preserve some act of self pride. He has that rare talent to see the bright side of the situation, to look at something at a different angle in order to see how it works in the deeper realm of my life. As sappy and trite as that sounds I am lucky. Very Very lucky.

Things change and will get better. Like the weather the number one thing you can count on in life is change.I am waiting for five minutes for the change to come.

So perhaps this will be my moment to get that phone call, that "magical" moment where there will be a union of two souls, and EVENTUALLY get a surprise edition to my future family. Something will come.

Lady in Red

This is mormon red death also available in slush all at a very Low price so come on down to Farr Better Ice Cream and place an order today. Available for all your Mormon functions! So once again thats Mormon red death available at Farr Better Ice Cream.

Its a Nice Day for a White Wedding..

I went to Val and Greg's wedding tonight at Union Station. Normally I'm not a wedding kind of guy. When you are single any shred of self preservation gets thrown out the window. Finally gaining acceptance for being single? Not anymore at these shingdings. Its all will the married people come to the dance floor and chicken dances.

Normally I do the quick meet and greet " Oh congrats to you!" ( to the groom) "You look wonderful! Thanks for inviting me!" (To the bride) and if the parents are there then standing in front of them making awkward conversation "Yes Ms. Mcpinerkinckle that was me who encouraged your daughter to throw water ballons out of the car at the officer" and then I drop my gift eat a handful of dinnermints and peanuts, graze by the mormon red death and then book it to my car.

Not at this wedding.

Oh no. We danced so hard I think I lost three pounds in sweat weight.

Since I am talking about weddings I must give thanks to the Momma who taught me three essential aspects of wedding receptions.

Dances that you must know:
1. The electric slide
2. Boot Scooting Boogey
3. The Hustle (Cause you never know and its always good to have a backup).

Clothes:
Always wear a white shirt so the sweat doesn't show.

Cake:
Depends if its sheet or homemade. If it looks like a bargin basement special at Walmart then move on.

Thus these skills saved me tonight from essential boredom.