Wednesday, September 27, 2017

Happy Wednesday!

I'm taking today off. 

I have nothing brilliant to say. I mean it takes a lot of work to be as witty and charming as I am. No seriously. I have to rehearse, try out my stories (yes they know they are working with someone "precious") to see if they make sense. Then I have to sit and type it out and make sure my sentences don't run on too long. 

Last night I sat at my desk and I fell asleep. I've been a little busy. Mainly I've been trying to follow my meal plan created by Mr. Trainer's awesome co-worker Natalie. She worked hard on it to make sure I don't suffer (she even factored in double stamp day!Which was a miracle.)and then I've had a busy schedule with the gym, social engagements, and the boring adult stuff one must do after work(like getting gas. Why is that so inconvenient getting gas? 


It's Wednesday and I'm working hard on being positive it's hard work but I'm doing it. Cause I have stubborn gladness that things will get better (I'm not reading the news anymore cause it's too depressing.) and I'm not letting the fear of doubt get to me. 

So there's that. 

Tuesday, September 26, 2017

Odd's and Ends

This doesn't have to do with anything with today's post other than I like Idaho and I was proud of myself for finishing this one. 

Part two isn’t quite ready to be read out loud. Mainly it’s in seven different pieces and I’m trying to stitch them together. So here’s some random quotes from my notebook that I’ve never been really able to string into my other pieces. So they are random paragraphs that have no home.

“I always feel guilty about watching when Harry Met Sally during the diner scene (yes that one) because I always worry the neighbors will think I’m watching porn.”-Me to the Home teachers last week. I didn’t mean to say that sentence out loud but there we were another fun conversation night at the Ure household.  Just another wild and crazy Saturday night.

As I’ve gotten older I realize I need to be nicer about my parents. They did the best they could. So now when I introduce them I’m going to say these are my people. They tried.

I’m one fat selfie away from being an “inspiration”.

Did you know you can buy solid color Muumuu’s at JC Penny’s? I feel I need to buy some and convert them into my nice work/church attire. I think I can pull off this trend. Must investigate further.

Yes I’m Mormon but I’m not a BYU Mormon. There’s a difference.

What do you mean I have to actually do all the exercises and eat differently to see results? Isn’t there a fit tea that I can buy?

Mr. Trainer: No and all that tea does is make you poop.

Me: I hope they have a return policy or else I’m all ready for colonoscopy.  

Anyway back to regular programming tomorrow. 

Monday, September 25, 2017

A Complete Guide to How Blake got the Terror Sweats

This is just the first of three rows on diet and nutrition at Barnes and Noble.
No wonder people get confused.
Part one:

The problem I have with fitness goals is that you must be completely and utterly selfish. There is no noble hiding of what your intent is. No I’m losing a hundred pounds for Africa, no I for the greater good, and my personal favorite Jesus wants me to lose weight before the second coming. They are, and have to be purely focused on self and when you spend so much time avoiding yourself it stresses the (forgive me) shit of you. Or at least me.  

I'm an average person. The song lyric of "I'm not much to look at, not much to see but glad I'm living and happy to be" is one of my mottoes. After a years of avoidance I sat down and wrote out my fitness goals and sent them via email to  Mr. Trainer  because every time I tried to say what my goals were I got the terror sweats. In an act of stubborn desperation I wrote them out fast and quick and hit send before I could withdraw them. I also sent them late at night the day before our appointment (which was at 6 Am) because I know me and I would have back tracked out of them so fast...oh I uhh wrote that when I was ice cream drunk. 

I simply put I want to find my abs. I've never seen them. I want to make sure they are okay. Can you help me? His response let's do it. We came up with a plan(post coming soon) in that very visit. 

Yet by finally confessing what I wanted had the opposite effect it sent me into an emotional tail spin of shame and doubt that had me main lining carbs like Leonardo Dicaprio in J. Edgar. Why did this put me in a storm? Because when you say what you desire it becomes true and real and that's really scary. And we all know I don't do scary

Part two tomorrow. 

Friday, September 22, 2017

All You Get From Love is a Love Song

Me explaining my Mocha Chiller/Frappuccino  addiction to others.  
“It’s a dirty old shame but all you get from love is a love song” is what the Carpteners sing but I believe the only thing you get from love of a beverage is love handles and a guilty conscious. (It’s a Mormon thing. But they are selling caffeine on BYU campus so progress! But that’s a post for another day.)

 Lately I’ve realized that all the food items that I thought were all so wonderful really weren’t. Don’t get me wrong they tasted wonderful but I wasn’t eating them or drinking them to enjoy them I was doing it to avoid my emotions. When I was sitting in the drive thru at Starbucks and they gave my favorite drink (a (size redacted) Java Chip Frappuccino with four shots of expresso and two pumps peppermint.) I looked at it and went this kinda looks a little gross. (It didn’t.) I should throw this out. (I didn’t.) As I drank the whole thing I asked does this make me happy?


So I’m writing this in staff meeting wondering if this is what adulting is wondering what other habits I've picked up that need to be Marie Kondo'd. 

I'll keep you posted. 

Thursday, September 21, 2017

All My Mistakes Start With Haagan Daz and Ben Jerry

Fat Blake establishing order.
Fat Blake is the captain now. He told me yesterday morning when I was looking in the mirror he stuck his fat pudgy fingers and did the whole I’m looking at you gesture and said “Blake I’m the captain now” and the sad thing is I waved my little white flag of surrender and said why not? 

Remember how I wrote about missing the middle of the weight loss story? Well this is it. This is me driving thru McDonald’s and ordering a big Mac meal with fries, and a Mcflurry and a REGULAR Coke because no one puts baby in the corner. Cause if baby ate like this all the time he wouldn’t fit in the corner.

I wish this was an isolated incident but Fat Blake has decided that he’s going to eat to hurt. So, he takes all the frustration, the stress, the insecurity and he goes LETS GO GET ICE CREAM. There I am a boy in front of freezer asking am I Espresso*Cookie Crunch OR Rocky Road. (* It’s not coffee if it has flavoring) Fat Blake goes they are on SALE! GET BOTH of THEM! DO IT! DO IT NOW! We all know how that story ends.

I confess this because I have been Mr. 100% at the gym. I may lay on the floor cursing Mr. Trainer and the jackass who created burpees, but for the grace of Lulu I go. It's a whole Fifty shades of crazy going on inside my brain. 

Web MD has no cure for this other than to say it's probably cancer. 

And you wonder why I can't sleep at night. 

Wednesday, September 20, 2017

I Just Want to Finish Okay?

Signed. Sealed.Delivered.If you want a handwritten note drop me a comment or email me. 

I am an amazing starter. No really. I love to come up with great projects. I can see the end so clearly. Brainstorming, research, putting things together is where I come alive. Hence the reason why I always end up on committees. The last two jobs I’ve had have been jobs where essentially, I’ve created the job as I’ve gone along.  I call it going in the jungle with a machete knife and a lantern. It’s amazing.

Yet when it comes to finishing?

I’m terrible. When I was in high school we had to do the personality assessment test, meet with a guidance counselor and plan our future. I’ll never forget Mrs. Kopecky explaining to me how if I chose to be a surgeon I would be the one at the start of the surgery but towards the middle would hand the scalpel to the resident and say don’t kill anybody. When I finish projects it’s kind of a big deal. Yet as I’ve gotten older I want to be a finisher. One who says today is the day I clean the bathroom and actually clean it and not spend a good hour at Target* (*I may have a small problem) looking at cleaning supplies.

So this week I had to take a step back and ask are my fitness goals something I want to and have fun with or is this something I feel I have to do. Which makes things complicated.

Cause I miss the feeling of being a finisher not just a starter.  

On the other hand I remembered my hearing aids today so progress! 

Tuesday, September 19, 2017

Working 9-5 (ish)

At least Buddha was having a party. 
I needed a do over today. I’ve been hearing aids since I was four. The habit of putting them in every morning is not a foreign concept. I don’t put them in till after I shower and this morning I was not functioning like at all. It was so bad I couldn’t even make my eyes function on the Instagram.(*Yes it’s still a problem and yes I guilt myself every morning over it.) Which caused all sort of panic cause having one handicap is entertaining enough I can’t wait till the day I’m deaf and blind. Which will make things easy for Halloween cause I’ll always have a costume (Helen Keller).

Staggering towards the shower, mainly cause I tripped over my ottoman (No. I wasn’t drunk. Just to clarify.) and proceeded to rush things together. I live on a busy street with three schools that start at 8:00 am. If I don’t leave my house by 7:15 I’m in school zone hell so I really had to move it this morning to beat the rush. I made it to work Just all ready to go ( I even remembered my gym bag!) till someone said good morning! And I didn’t hear them. That’s when it dawned on me.

I forgot to put my hearing aids in.

Head in palm.

So I debated for about three minutes with myself which went something like this. Weelll I don’t answer the phone anymore, and my co-workers are really quiet and I don’t have to really talk to people so do I really need them? The answer was yes.

Back in the car for me! It took me an hour and that’s discounting the time from Starbucks (Is it a sign you have a “problem” when you say good morning and they know who you are and your order? Just asking for a friend.)  

The rest of the day went just as awesome.

P.S. Sorry Mr. Trainer.

P.P.S I really deserved it.

P.P.P.S The baristas told me.

P.P.P.P.S We won’t talk about lunch. (One bright side a free milkshake from Chick fil Lay! I went home twice today and both times I forgot my lunch. Am I going to be forgetful, blind and deaf? If so does that qualify me for a parking spot up front? (Again asking for a friend.)