Friday, September 22, 2017

All You Get From Love is a Love Song

Me explaining my Mocha Chiller/Frappuccino  addiction to others.  
“It’s a dirty old shame but all you get from love is a love song” is what the Carpteners sing but I believe the only thing you get from love of a beverage is love handles and a guilty conscious. (It’s a Mormon thing. But they are selling caffeine on BYU campus so progress! But that’s a post for another day.)

 Lately I’ve realized that all the food items that I thought were all so wonderful really weren’t. Don’t get me wrong they tasted wonderful but I wasn’t eating them or drinking them to enjoy them I was doing it to avoid my emotions. When I was sitting in the drive thru at Starbucks and they gave my favorite drink (a (size redacted) Java Chip Frappuccino with four shots of expresso and two pumps peppermint.) I looked at it and went this kinda looks a little gross. (It didn’t.) I should throw this out. (I didn’t.) As I drank the whole thing I asked does this make me happy?


So I’m writing this in staff meeting wondering if this is what adulting is wondering what other habits I've picked up that need to be Marie Kondo'd. 

I'll keep you posted. 

Thursday, September 21, 2017

All My Mistakes Start With Haagan Daz and Ben Jerry

Fat Blake establishing order.
Fat Blake is the captain now. He told me yesterday morning when I was looking in the mirror he stuck his fat pudgy fingers and did the whole I’m looking at you gesture and said “Blake I’m the captain now” and the sad thing is I waved my little white flag of surrender and said why not? 

Remember how I wrote about missing the middle of the weight loss story? Well this is it. This is me driving thru McDonald’s and ordering a big Mac meal with fries, and a Mcflurry and a REGULAR Coke because no one puts baby in the corner. Cause if baby ate like this all the time he wouldn’t fit in the corner.

I wish this was an isolated incident but Fat Blake has decided that he’s going to eat to hurt. So, he takes all the frustration, the stress, the insecurity and he goes LETS GO GET ICE CREAM. There I am a boy in front of freezer asking am I Espresso*Cookie Crunch OR Rocky Road. (* It’s not coffee if it has flavoring) Fat Blake goes they are on SALE! GET BOTH of THEM! DO IT! DO IT NOW! We all know how that story ends.

I confess this because I have been Mr. 100% at the gym. I may lay on the floor cursing Mr. Trainer and the jackass who created burpees, but for the grace of Lulu I go. It's a whole Fifty shades of crazy going on inside my brain. 

Web MD has no cure for this other than to say it's probably cancer. 

And you wonder why I can't sleep at night. 

Wednesday, September 20, 2017

I Just Want to Finish Okay?

Signed. Sealed.Delivered.If you want a handwritten note drop me a comment or email me. 

I am an amazing starter. No really. I love to come up with great projects. I can see the end so clearly. Brainstorming, research, putting things together is where I come alive. Hence the reason why I always end up on committees. The last two jobs I’ve had have been jobs where essentially, I’ve created the job as I’ve gone along.  I call it going in the jungle with a machete knife and a lantern. It’s amazing.

Yet when it comes to finishing?

I’m terrible. When I was in high school we had to do the personality assessment test, meet with a guidance counselor and plan our future. I’ll never forget Mrs. Kopecky explaining to me how if I chose to be a surgeon I would be the one at the start of the surgery but towards the middle would hand the scalpel to the resident and say don’t kill anybody. When I finish projects it’s kind of a big deal. Yet as I’ve gotten older I want to be a finisher. One who says today is the day I clean the bathroom and actually clean it and not spend a good hour at Target* (*I may have a small problem) looking at cleaning supplies.

So this week I had to take a step back and ask are my fitness goals something I want to and have fun with or is this something I feel I have to do. Which makes things complicated.

Cause I miss the feeling of being a finisher not just a starter.  

On the other hand I remembered my hearing aids today so progress! 

Tuesday, September 19, 2017

Working 9-5 (ish)

At least Buddha was having a party. 
I needed a do over today. I’ve been hearing aids since I was four. The habit of putting them in every morning is not a foreign concept. I don’t put them in till after I shower and this morning I was not functioning like at all. It was so bad I couldn’t even make my eyes function on the Instagram.(*Yes it’s still a problem and yes I guilt myself every morning over it.) Which caused all sort of panic cause having one handicap is entertaining enough I can’t wait till the day I’m deaf and blind. Which will make things easy for Halloween cause I’ll always have a costume (Helen Keller).

Staggering towards the shower, mainly cause I tripped over my ottoman (No. I wasn’t drunk. Just to clarify.) and proceeded to rush things together. I live on a busy street with three schools that start at 8:00 am. If I don’t leave my house by 7:15 I’m in school zone hell so I really had to move it this morning to beat the rush. I made it to work Just all ready to go ( I even remembered my gym bag!) till someone said good morning! And I didn’t hear them. That’s when it dawned on me.

I forgot to put my hearing aids in.

Head in palm.

So I debated for about three minutes with myself which went something like this. Weelll I don’t answer the phone anymore, and my co-workers are really quiet and I don’t have to really talk to people so do I really need them? The answer was yes.

Back in the car for me! It took me an hour and that’s discounting the time from Starbucks (Is it a sign you have a “problem” when you say good morning and they know who you are and your order? Just asking for a friend.)  

The rest of the day went just as awesome.

P.S. Sorry Mr. Trainer.

P.P.S I really deserved it.

P.P.P.S The baristas told me.

P.P.P.P.S We won’t talk about lunch. (One bright side a free milkshake from Chick fil Lay! I went home twice today and both times I forgot my lunch. Am I going to be forgetful, blind and deaf? If so does that qualify me for a parking spot up front? (Again asking for a friend.) 

Monday, September 18, 2017

How to Take a Fat Deaf Kid Hiking.

A visual representation.

There has to be some level of understanding when you take me out hiking, walking, or any form exercise. Once we get started and the sweat starts (which is about 5-15 seconds) I have to take out my hearing aids and the ability to hear you go goes out the window. So that’s when the conversation gets interesting. You could ask a deep philosophical question for example “What are you giving up for Lent?” and I would hear “I’ve got a nice gent”. Totally different topics. I can’t tell you how many times I know I’ve missed the mark when the eyebrows go up and the look of ummm we aren’t doing that here.

Factor in that I’m not the fastest hiker and you’ve got yourself a party. My whole childhood was watching my Dad and sister sprint up mountains like goats while I waddled behind. Which was totally fine with me cause I was allowed to let my imagination run wild. It’s where I learned the art of allowing myself to get lost in a character. Plus, if they forgot me I could use that for emotional blackmail. Oh yeah remember the time you left me on the mountain? Good times.

As I’ve gotten older I just take my i-pod and listen to a good audio book or I just walk behind, if you are brave and stay by my side get ready to yell. Loudly. However, know the fat I’m working on, the deafness well that’s just a bad combo of genetics. This is how I imagine my parents explain the three of us… “This is our oldest she’s a professional Ironman and a mom, then we have youngest son whose married and going to be an accountant, and then we have our other son the fat deaf one who blogs.”

Anyway just a little disclaimer when you invite me to go hike with you. 

Friday, September 15, 2017

With His Head Stuck in a Book

Do you have a favorite book (or books) that you read at various times of year?

I do.

They are like old friends who live in different parts of the world that I rarely get to see but when they show up it’s like nothing has changed.

I believe books should be like your friends. Enough variety to keep it interesting and expose you to thoughts and ideas you’ve never thought of.

When the weather snaps and the temperature drops I sneak to the book case and I grab my old worn out paper back of Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone or perhaps the Land of Oz series.  A warm cup of tea, a big ole warm Minky blanket, and I light all the candles in my mason jars and I sit on my porch staring at the trees in the midst of change themselves and watch while the night comes on.

So tonight, when I felt the change in the weather and the change in me, the nights are getting colder and the air is getting crisp I knew it was time. Gathering the necessary supplies, I sat in my chair took a deep breath and picked up Practical Magic and began. 

Thursday, September 14, 2017

No One Likes a Fat Pop Star.

My thoughts every time I go to the gym.  

I’m afraid my trainer is going to fire me.

I know I say this weekly but, this time I really think it’s going to happen. Which is so sad because he’s the first person that I’ve met that has stuck with the crazy that is me. After my first trainer had a mini mental breakdown*. (*No. It wasn’t caused by me. Surprising I know.) I was really hesitant with working with another person.

So when the Mama Joye called and said Hey I’ve found this trainer everyone in the ward is raving about do you want to go with me?

Why not? Was my reply.

Here’s the funny thing. My mother followed Mr. Trainer’s advice to a T and looks amazing. Not that she didn’t look amazing before but it’s always nice to get help to move towards your best self no?

I on the other hand?


This the part that I had my laundry list of reasons why I’ve been so off and on. However reasons are glorified excuses and I really have been trying hard to wean myself off of them. There are however two issues that have stood in the way of my progress.  A bad thyroid and B. I love food too damn much.
Which has hindered progress so to speak. That and I love food too damn much*. (*I know I know I said twice but it bears repeating.)

Tomorrow I have an appointment with Mr. Trainer and I’m afraid my performance evaluation is going to come back as less than satisfactory. Normally this would be due to lack of information or unclear expectations. However this is not the case.  
Because I’m a research nerd at heart I have all the data and articles and also I have a meal plan designed to keep it all in place.

Yet here we are.  

I'll keep you posted.