Saturday, December 31, 2011

The Heartache Can Wait

For all of you my new year wish for you is:

That your heartaches will wait for you to be strong enough to deal with them.

This year will be the year that you go after that one dream. (You know the one that you said you would always do but haven't done yet.)

That you will make time for friends and family. Work will always be there. Family and friends may not.

Remember you are more than you know.

Find faith in yourself.

Know that somebody always loves you.

But most of all

I wish you the ability to hear and feel laughter.

Say goodbye to this passing year.

Its never going to come back.

All ways be moving forward.

Make this new year be your year of Auld Lang Syne which means Time remembered fondness.

Farewell 2011! You have a been a year! Will miss you but can't wait to see what happens in 2012!

Love to all,


Friday, December 30, 2011

Blake's Customer Service Style.

I think I have discovered my new model on how to be a breast cancer warrior.

Thursday, December 29, 2011

2012 End of the World

Stupid people hurt me.

By stupid I mean let's make rather sexist remarks to the token male of the mammography department. As a breast cancer warrior (my bosses words not mine) I can proudly say affirmative action worked for me!

So for today I have three lovely contestants who deserve to the "I is Smart Crown". (Patent pending)

Contestant One shared these lovely jewels of wisdom:

You are so lucky you never have to get a mammogram. This is so unfair for women, its painful, sexist, blah blah blah...

What I wanted to say was Well sweetheart when I turn 50 I get to have two fingers inserted in rear end and have a doctor dig for gold for 25 minutes looking for my prostate. So tell me which one would you prefer?

What I said was: Well that's your choice would still like to have the exam? Okay? Thank you feel free to take a seat and somebody will be right with you.

Contestant Two had this to offer to the table.

Bet you enjoy this you perverted man you..

What I wanted to say was "Look lady I'm doing this for the money. Its easier than standing on street corners hustling deals."

What I said was "Thank you! Have a nice day!"

Contestant Three shared their genetic talents with this pearl of wisdom:

You men have it so much easier the compression is so hard and you just mock us about getting our yearly screening and I'm so upset about my insurance not paying (which they do by the way its billed under preventive 100% free. Promise.) and its just our lot in life us women put up with so much more than men.

She kept on going but I kinda tuned her out.

What I wanted to say was "Well when I was a woman I didn't think they were too awful". But I could just see the face. However I restrained myself.

What I said was " Feel free to take a seat".

I'm so rotting in hell.

So who should win the crown?

Wednesday, December 28, 2011

What Are You Doing New Years Eve?

(I'm so ashamed to what I've done to the desert trays the last few days. Don't judge me.)

I have a little tradition at the death of the old year. It's rather lame but I think of the top whatever end of the year list. Confused? Let me explain so last year ended in 10 so I came up with the top 10 things that I did that year. This year is 11. Since I'm so reserved and hardly share anything with anybody I'd thought I'd share with you my top 11 events of the year.

1. Running the Ogden Marathon. See the blog post from Feb to June of this year if you missed out on that journey.

2. Going to Carmel and Monterrey California. Oh! I could live there! I want to go back!

3. Bertie! Sometimes after all those hard hours of being a breast cancer warrior make it worth it to pay it off!

4. Running a 5k in Hawaii. That was so fun it wasn't the prettiest course but it was so fun to run with my cousins and be in Hawaii.

5. Discovering the joys of Foam rolling. It sounds rather odd rolling on a piece of foam but it reaches those deep spots.

6. Once A Upon A Time. Slowly healing the space in my heart where The O.C was brutally ripped out.

7. Having such wonderful friends. (If you are reading this I count you as one!)

8. Emily competing in the Kona Iron Man. She's 12th in the world you know.

9. Talking to the Little Nip on Christmas.

10. My new job as a Breast Cancer Warrior.

11. The health and safety of my family friends. We've all suffered, loved and loss this year. Lets grow old together shall we?

May you have a great new years! Lets 2012 a better year than 2012.

Saturday, December 24, 2011

No Mozart Tonight

It's Christmas Eve!

I just want to wish y'all a glorious and safe holiday!

May your chins be jolly and your cellulite be bright!

Love ya!


Thursday, December 22, 2011

He's Making A List

(Yes I realize the text is off but I really don't care.)

I have a fan in my bathroom. I like it. When I run it it keeps the moisture from turning into mold. However the neighbor below me? She LOVES her fan. LOVES it so much that she runs it all the FREAKING time. Which makes the absolutely the worst sound ever. Picture a chain saw and a dentist drill having a one night stand that is what the sound sounds like. All. Night.Long.

How do I feel about this fan?

To quote Mrs White from Clue " hated her, so much... it-it- the f - it -flam - flames. Flames, on the side of my face..." its awful. Now I know you are asking why I don't go down there and whip out my badge O'power and use my R.A skills to which I must say I have. Repeatedly. But she claims their is a "smell" (I can tell you what the smell is she eats garlic by the mountainful) in the apartment.

I want to love my neighbors. A. Cause Jesus told me too and B. Santa is watching. but if things don't change? I'm getting my 50 pound weights and walking around the apartment dropping them all the time. Plus blasting Brittney Spears through my speakers pointed at the floor. Heads will roll and it will not be mine.

So neighbor below this is war.

And I'm going to Win....

Or go crazy trying.

Mean to Me

I don't know about you but I it seems lately all I want to do is eat everything and what's worst is that the food is starting to be really upset if I don't choose them. I walk into a party and instead of people being glad to see me its the desert tray going "Why Hello There Sailor!" and my mother taught me never to be rude...

Needless to say I've got cream cheese and sugar coming out of my pores.

I can't wait for January when all the sweets get replaced with carrots and celery and everybody starts freaking out about carbs, sugars, gluten you name it. Instead of "I made you Brownies"
its "Would you like a piece of cauliflower?" I simply can't wait!

From my full stomach to yours,

Merry Christmas!

Wednesday, December 21, 2011

I Wanna Be Like You


I went over to mother's to do some laundry the other day and this is what I find. This was at 7:30 at night.

I'm scared to get old.

Tuesday, December 20, 2011

The Pants They Are a Ripping

Since I didn't have time to do a Christmas Card Jorge took the liberty of sharing his favorite moments of 2011.

The Top Picture of Blake for 2011

Why He Did the Marathon.

Blake's Best Moment of the Year.

Merry Christmas!

My Buddy My Buddy

Meet my new friend.

The Peppermint Mocha Chiller.
(The things I say to it every morning)

I wish I knew how to quit you.

Or the reason why my pants don't fit.

Its not coffee if it has flavoring right?

Oh sweet mama where have you been all my life.

Happiness is a cold mocha chiller.

Yo lady you can be as mean as you wanna be. Me and My chiller just gonna mock you later.

Seriously need a 12 step program.


I can't even walk up a flight of stairs.

Make that a 2 step program.

Sweet. Wonderful. Sin.

It's only 550 calories. Go Big!

Hell yes I need Whip Cream.

When its gone I cry big tears.

I think I might have a "problem".

Monday, December 19, 2011

You Light Up My Life!


Sometimes this is the thing that I am most grateful for at the end of the day. Heated seats. Its little glow of butt warming happiness is the thing that makes me excited to get in my car after a long grueling day at work or in the morning I know it will be the thing that makes sitting in the damn nasty cold bearable.

I don't think I can ever go back to regular seats again. It especially wonderful when I can drop the top (not in this nasty inversion) at night and turn on that toasty bundle of warmness. I tell ya I'm blessed. Cause my apartment is electric heat and I'm stingy and cheap I don't keep my apartment very warm. So when people come over I tell them we are playing pioneers. Strangely I don't get many visitors. Except for Home teachers. But even then they have started avoiding my place cause they know its cold.

So that's what I'm grateful for this Christmas.

Heated seats.

Sunday, December 18, 2011

Ogden Will Shine Tonight

I think I've eaten my weight in cookies,cakes, brownies and candy over the last few weeks. It's gotten so bad that yesterday I leaned over and ripped my pants a la Papa Bear in the immortal classic the Bernstein Bears get fit(or was it fat?). What worse is that my legs rub together so much they come with a fire warning. What's a fat kid to do? I had my come to Jesus moment a few weeks ago when I watched the Biggest Loser finale. However I recently made friends with the grounds for coffee cart at work. I'm nothing but a big pile of vices lately. I'm hoping Santa gets the hint and gives me a redo for the months of July, August, September, October, November and December.
So if you see me this December and try to take my picture I may go all crazy Brittney Spears on you and whack your camera. Just a fair warning.

That is all.

Wednesday, December 7, 2011

Pennies from Heaven

Some days are just terrible horrible no good very bad days. The kind in which you wake up and pray that the day go fast. Yesterday was one of those days. I could give you a list of all the awful things that happened but this isn't a facebook status.

Lets just say by 8:40 pm I was in bed cause that's the one place where the monsters can't get you.
It was that kind of day.

But I'm hoping after the fallout from said terrible horrible no good very bad day that I can have a truly wonderful glorious happy day.

Or I'd just settle for a wonderful day.

In other news I'm running again. Slowly but surely I'm moving this body around and it's kinda nice. I forgot how nice it is to move and sweat away all the frustrations and to have a moment to think.

I need to do some thinking. When people have asked me what I want for Christmas I truly want some time away somewhere warm where I could get my book proposal finished. Get some writing finished. Get all the words that are trapped behind this mental block and get it out. To get rid of it.

But we can't get that sometimes. No. We have to be breast cancer warriors and pay bills.

This grown up life is not exactly what I thought it was going to be.

But that's okay cause I will have a glorious happy wonderful day.


Tuesday, November 29, 2011

You Know I'm No Good

Things I have been doing lately to pass the time at work:

7:00 Check Patients in

7:05 Pintrest

7:45 Check Patients in and verify where the bathroom is.

8:00 Pintrest

8:40 crave Peppermint Mocha chiller. Resit. (Not because of will power but because I'm flint. aka broke)

9:00: Check Patients in do various other busy making task.

9:40 Pintrest.

Forgot what I did between the hours of 10 to 11:45

11:45-12:20 lunch

12:25: Check Patients in and direct people to the bathroom

1:00 Pintrest.

2-3 a mixture of pintrest and blogging.

I'm so industrious!

Monday, November 28, 2011

Heatwave! Like something inside!

I hate it when it gets cold. Don't get me wrong I'm all for the FA LA LAing and the skiing, and the hot chocolate, and flannel pajamas and chestnuts roasting but when you work in mammography they like it hot. Like spicy Latino mambo heat hot. Which has me melting. Cause I do not like it hot. I do not like it. I do not like it a lot. (Sorry random Dr. Seuss moment.)

One nice thing about today is that there is a Christmas carol nazi roaming the halls of the hospital. Whenever the piano player has launched into I saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus they stop mid song. Oh bless you kind stranger.

Bless you everyone.

I promise I'm not a bitter person. I'm just rather vocal about what I don't favor.

So as I feel like I'm cooking to death I begin looking forward to my run tonight.

Where I can push out the annoying thoughts that clog my head.

and its just me.

And Florence.

and a machine.

Or sometimes Journey.

Or if I'm feeling rather feisty Brittany Spears.

Perhaps this will cool me down?

Sunday, November 27, 2011

I Don't Know Where I Stand

There are moments in your life when you find yourself lost.

Lost at the grocery store.

Lost in the parking lot. (Looking for my car that I don't own anymore. Yeah. That was a great day.)

Lost trying to find your way to where your friends are having a great party and driving for hours trying to figure out your dumb directions that your wrote and hating yourself for forgetting your cell phone. No? Maybe its just me then.

Then there is the lost when you are in a relationship with somebody and you don't know where you are going.

But the worst kind of lost is the one where you forget where you are going in your life.

Yes dear readers its going to be one of those post. Sorry. Feel free to turn back. I promise I won't be sad. Or come check back on a day when I'm in a good mood. Or when I've lost fifty pounds.

I just feel a little lost.

A little like how Barry Manilow feels about Mandy.

Lets stop for a moment and examine that. I remember rain like ice shadows of a man face in a window...looking in their eyes I see a memory...Oh Mandy...(Yes I have issues. this has been well established.)

Sometimes being lost has its advantages.

You can watch great shows like LOST and go at least my life isn't that nuts.

People tend to be nicer to you. ("Be nice to him. He's lost. Lets introduce him to these nice men in white coats they can help him." Is what I usually hear.)

Sometimes you can find the best running routes.

Or people's house to toilet paper. (What ever your preference is.)

Or perhaps those nagging issues that you have been trying avoid you figure are the things that have been holding you back. AKA why you crave chocolate after arguing with a fat lady at work. Or why you avoid looking at mirrors cause you don't want to look at yourself in eyes and go Why yes this is my life.

Or fighting with your neighbor below you who cooks with a pound of garlic and leaves her exhaust fan on all the freaking time.

Now for a musical break...

Country roads take me home, to the place I belong...

and I'm back.

So if you see me can you guide me in the right direction?

Sunday, November 13, 2011


Cause the best holiday ever is coming up I decided to do my I'm thankful post. A couple of months ago when I was training for my marathon I lost a dear friend to suicide. When his mother shared his farewell note there was a line that struck out to me the most.

I wish I knew that I mattered.

I so wanted to yell to them but you do matter! You matter to me. So I wrote 26 letters to people who in the last two years who made a big difference in my life and had helped me accomplish that huge goal I had set for myself. Yet as I look back there are so many more people who matter to me. Who by their existence and personal light push me forward.

Tonight's lucky guest is somebody who I've known mine entire life.

So for April.

There are people who are meant to be mothers. They just have that natural ability to care for others and nurture people to do their very best in life. They seem to make friends with anyone no matter what social, economic, or life class they belong to. April is one of these people. The last few years have given April amazing blessings but with those blessings have all come with huge personal cost. Yet instead of dwelling on the hardship of her life she merely focuses her life on to the goodness of her husband and children.

April was the one who inspired me years ago to start this blog. I had seen her weight loss and how she had blogged about how hard it was but also how she was able to do it! I believe that April's greatest gift is that she gives hope to people. She gives hope to her children that life is worth living and exploring. She gives hope to her husbands business by supporting him. She gives hopes to all mothers who have lost a baby cause she has seen and felt that awful situation for herself. She inspires her sisters and brothers to live life and hope for the best cause she is the oldest and leads with such a fierce determination. Unlike most oldest children she is not a princess.

I'm grateful for April cause she always reads my blog, and has such a happy and warm personality whenever I see her. I'm lucky to know her.

So I give her this gift knowing that she matters to me. She has made a difference in my life and I hope that her life continues to be as amazing as wonderful as she makes it.

To quote that immortal Golden Girls theme

"Thank you for being a friend".

Monday, November 7, 2011

Change is Hard

There I said it.

Change is hard.

Like when your pants go from fitting to exploding.

Its the worst thing that can ever happen to you. That's why I'm going with elastic tab pants from now on. You know the kind that grow with you? The male version of maternity pants. With the holy eating trio upon us I figured that the old men I see around the hospital have the right idea.

That and I hate daylight savings/ standard time switch. I don't bounce back like other people. Do you know how annoying it is when you forget to set your alarm back an hour? Let me tell you four in the morning is not a happy time to be up. Its cold. Dark and oh so dreary.

I am working on my awesome people post. I promise. I've just had to start working the street corners lately in order to pay some bills. So hence the lack of blogposts. But they are coming I swear.

So from my fat house to yours...

may you have a great day.

Monday, October 31, 2011

When October Goes

Oh! How I hate to see October go.

Its the death of warmth, sunlight, and happiness. Cause that's when the snow begins to fly up above the roofs in a twilight sky. I hate to see October go. Oh well. Lets begin the holy trio of eating. Halloween, thanksgiving, and a December holiday. Oh my poor pants. I'm already in my fat ones and now I'm afraid I'm going to have to get the kind with the elastic give in the waistbands. These are my horrors of Halloween.

What have I been up to you ask? Well tragedy struck in our family. A terrible loss was inflicted upon all of us. We lost the washing machine. Well I didn't lose it the dumb thing died at my mother's house. You have to understand this was a serious loss to me. As I am currently two days away from selling myself on street corners till payday this means I'm either going hobo to work or strive for "special". Who wears short shorts? Me apparently if don't find a washing machine.

On facebook I posted that I am starting a new feature here called Whose awesome? So if you want a post about why I think you are awesome either comment on facebook or leave a comment here. Look for the first post tomorrow!

Happy Halloween!

Thursday, October 20, 2011

I Won't Dance Don't Ask Me

(For Lizett. )

I'm not a runner. I've done a half marathon, a marathon and a 5k and now in training for a 5 k in February, a 7 k in March, a half marathon in April, and a 30 k in May (and if I'm nuts I might do a marathon again.) but yet every time I put on my running shoes I feel like a fraud. Yet I do it as a public service to all the people on Harrison Blvd to see my rather large self chugging on down the blvd. I'm always afraid somebody is going to pull over and go Sir are you okay? Are you having a heart attack?

But yet Newtons Law of motion applies "An object in motion stays in motion while an object at rest stays at rest" I realize this applies to my training and my life. Right now I'm not in the best of shape. I let myself become an object of rest. All the effort I put in at the beginning of the year is gone. I am a fat shell of a former less fat self. Yet I realized I can only be the driving force in my life. Sometimes you just need a break. Only to start back up again.

I don't run for anybody but myself. I know I'm not as fasniating of a runner as my sister. I don't ride my bike like my father but I am me. I know the freedom of pushing myself to achieve a goal. I have a lot of work ahead of me but I'm excited for it.

I'm not a runner. But I like to pretend that I am.

Random Breast Cancer Fact: If you catch Breast Cancer early (by doing a self breast check and yearly mammogram) you have a 98% percent chance of survival if you ignore symptoms you have a 23%.

There was a Barber and His Wife...

In the last month I have gone to see the Dr. 3 times. In those three visits I have been hacked into, poked, prodded, and had somthing removed. This has become such a common occurance that I have now renamed my Doctors Sweeny Todd. Cause apparently I'm just juciy enough to cut into.

Lucky me.

That and last night I got Mormom Ambushed. For those of you who don't know what that is The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints is very big on visiting you in your home. We send representatives once a month called home teachers to check on you and give you a spiritual message. Which is fine. Its always nice to get a friendly hello. Or if you are like me you bribe them with Ice Cream Coupons write a brief update on the facebook wall and they never come to haunt you again. But every so often you visited by the head honchos. The bishop or the member of the quorom presidency. Which is what happend to me last night. They call it a "surprise visit" I called it a Mormon Ambush.

I had just gotten home after a really hard day at work. The kind of day where you look forward to chaninging into your pajamas reading a book and putting in your white strips kinda evening. So there I was on the couch dear reader in my very ratty save the Ta Tas shirt and old scrub bottoms. Then it happend. The pounding knock of guilt upon my door. I looked out the peep hole and what did I see? The bishop and the Elder's qurom president starting back at me! So I did what every person does when the get Mormon Ambushed. I opend the door and said "TA DA! Here is I!" after which we had a very nice pleasant visit. Oh it was fun.

Just a heads up. Be careful of the Mormon Ambush. It could happen to you!

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Oh My Poor Neglected Baby

I'm lucky I don't have children. Cause if I treated them like I did this blog I would get slapped with child abuse charges. I give all this love and attention posting pictures shamelessly promoting this bundle of joy I created and then I turn cold and unloving. A la Mommie Dearest (No more Wire hangers! No more! Whap! curse you Netflix.) I have great intentions I really do. I would update with pictures I took myself, I'd show the fancy blog design I created, and then I would give you something to laugh about. Sorry. However I can now enlighten you in the joys of running the front desk of mammography. That's right. Boobs. Lots and lots of old lady boobs. Before you think I am a dirty disgusting young man (which I might be) I tell you this I am merely a glorified secretary who never goes behind the door. I merely greet and register and hand out gift bags. See what a college degree gets you? Boobs. Its the American man's dream!

I wish I could tell you that I had a great something happening in my life. The only thing exciting I could share with you is that I have so far tied over 2,000 pink ribbon gift bags for Breast cancer Awareness. What great lesson have I learned from stuffing these gift bags with? Mainly how to get to second base with yourself. Seriously see? This is why I would be a terrible parent. I'm overly fort coming and honest.

Pause for the Blake Got Fat Service announcement:

If you are a woman who has a family history of breast cancer, 40 years old and want to have a romantic but brutal affair with a machine get your mammogram. Breast Cancer is the second cause of death of women. If you truly love yourself get a mammogram. All insurances count it as a preventative screening. Don't have insurance the public health department has vouchers that allow you to get one for 50 dollars! (That's like 4 pints of Java chip frapicinos ice cream!)

Cause Breast Cancer sucks.

Maybe I won't be such terrible parent after all. Cause I'm all about preventive medicine yo.

Or not.

(No more Wire hangers! Whap! Sorry couldn't resist.)

Saturday, October 8, 2011


Emily is an Ironman champion.

10 hours and 41 minutes later taking 12th for her age division she is now an Ironma Kona Champion.

and she's also my sister.

Oh. Also I owe an apology to Tessa. She also went to cheer Emily on too. So its Joey and Tessa cheering her on .

I'm so happy right now.

With or With Out You

Today my sister is going to die.

But she will come back.

Hopefully. At 7:00 am Hawaiian time she will start on final leg of her extraordinary journey. The Ironman Championship. This experience (I can't call it a race because its more than that its a total immersion of body mind and soul.) is something she has been training for her whole entire life. She is ready. She is strong. She is dedicated. And Lord help Joey (her husband) with the aftercare.

Anyone can train for an Ironman (at this time I'm lounging in my bathrobe dealing with a carb hangover) but it takes someone special to do Kona. Kona is reserved for the champions. Only those who have won one before can do it.

And she won. In St George. In her own state on one of the hottest spring days with the red rocks behind her.

This time it will be different. Like all champions she will have to do it alone. Joey will be the only one to cheer her on. There will be no family, no friends, she will have to dig deep within herself to push on. She will have to surrender herself to all of her focus, dedication, and effort.

There are moments that you know will change your life. Change your perception completely on how you view the world. Life pre Iron man and post Iron man. She will give herself away in order to gain something more.

But she can do it. Today I can only send prayers, thoughts, and light in her direction.

To her I can only say this is your moment.

Do or Do not.

There is no try.

But she already knew that.

Thursday, October 6, 2011

Shake It Out

I ate another pint of Starbucks Java Chip Frappicinco last night.

I know. I know. I'm not proud of myself either.

What I want to know is what was I looking for at the end of the pint? Happiness? A present?

Ronald McDonald? To make that reference even more obscure the Hamburgler? (Points to you if catch it.)

I started the year at 250 pounds. I ran a marathon and got down to 220. (YAY! Mild obesity! Now going to end the year at the same weight I started it. Fan Freaking Fabulous.) Yet today as I went to get my twin lumps removed from my arm ( I called them Harry and Lloyd.) as I laid there on the table in the lethal injection stance I wanted to cover my fat from the doctor and the resident. Apparently Harry and Lloyd warrented as a "teaching moment". So as I laid there as they talked in their medical jargon I just wanted to disappear in my tossed out Java chip container.

It hasn't been a good couple of months.

Here is my vomit moment of woe. Sorry if you don't wanted to be woeifed remembered you have been warned. I mean it. I'm woeful and I'm liking it. Woe woe woe oh woe is me! Okay I'm good now.

No really I mean it.

Guess I'm going to have to dust off my running shoes. I don't even have a name for my new pair. But am open for suggestions.

Who wants to shake off the jiggle with a little giggle with me? (Almost wet my pants with laughter on that one. Heh. I am funny.) Anybody want to run a half marathon with me?



Beuhler? (Could you blame me?)

Leave me a comment with name suggestions and if you want to shake off the jiggle with a little giggle with me.

Tuesday, September 20, 2011


I work in customer service.

Which means a long time ago I used to like people. But  now? I'm not so sure. I realized I'm nothing more than a glorified garbage dump and a complete ignoranous. People seem to know how to do my job better than me and I'm kinda tempted now to let them do it. Why not? I could use some time to play on facebook.

We as people are hard. We have baggage and issues and sometimes we just need to let it all out. I get it. I do it too. What I need people to understand though is that as much as I love to help there's only a limit to what I can do. I can move mountains but sometimes its only the mole hills. What's the point of this post?

Be nice to us customer service people. We do a lot better when you are nice to us.

Today's blog title is in reference to Duffy's Mercy. Which has been stuck in my head for the last few days. I use it in my pretend music video in my head cause I need mercy. I need a day off. I need a vacation. Apparently I need a lot of things.

Sorry. Its the baggage issue.


Monday, September 12, 2011

Pumped Up Kicks

Today I have decided three things.


If when you are having a dark and twisty day it is okay to eat ice cream. The calories don't count because all the cranky people absorb them and they don't stick to you.


Laundry really sucks when you don't have a washer and dryer. Hanging out in Laundry mats is adorable when you are in college. Post college its just kinda sad. Today I went to work looking like a bad Mimi Vice rejection. Aka why did I think this looked good at 6:00 in the morning? That and I didn't realize I needed a hair cut till I had a Farrah moment at work. If I was a girl and from the 70s I would totally be so hip right now!


Why aren't there any happy songs about Monday? The only song about Monday I know is
Big Jazz hand intro



Its really sad what is stored in my brain. If you ever need me for slightly odd pop culture references please feel free to call me I would be the excellent phone a friend. Unless its something to do with math. Then don't call me. Cause I don't do math. It scares me. Like gives me the sweats makes my heart pound nervous.

Those are the three things I've discovered today.

Thought you'd like to know.

Sunday, September 11, 2011

In an Ordinary Instant.

Life changed in an ordinary instant.

In a brief moment I lost my innocence.

Ten years.

Everyday I try to say thank you.

Its trite.

But its the only word I can use.

To those heroes who don't wear capes.

Who show and showed us strength.

Thank you.

You mattered to me, and you matter to me still.

Life changed in an ordinary instant.

For all of us.

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

Everyday I'm Shuffling..

Today I should have called in ugly to work.

I feel that this is a valid reason when you call and explain the situation on why you can't come in. To explain to your co-workers that your attitude isn't the greatest you look terrible and well its just an ugly day.

I feel that this is a valid reason to have the day off no?

It covers so much. I would much rather be under my covers still asleep away from today and all I would have to say is I'm having an ugly day.

So if you ask me how my day is going I'm gonna say ugly.

Friday, September 2, 2011

Just the Way You Are

A Bonus!

Here's another post to make up for not posting on Wen and Thursday! Here are the most common search terms to find my blog. Thought you might find them funny.

blake fat

fat between lungs

ghetto superstar that is what you are

got fat

weight "you've let yourself go" jiggle

Thanks for making me laugh!

All I Wanted Was the Dream

It's Friday Friday Friday getting down on Friday!

Sorry but thanks to Rebecca Black I know have a song to listen to every Friday morning when I get up for work. Now that I have a "grown up" job (by grown up job I mean 4 10 hour shifts and I get to wear big boy clothes now) I have a lot of free time between patients. Normally that means I have a lot of time to do the little odds and ends that keeps the department on schedule. But when Friday rolls around everything is pretty much done and ready for the next week. Normally I strive to find things to do or people to talk to. But lately I have fallen prey to the horrors of online shopping lust. Yes you heard me lust.

Lusty item number 1 (which is how I would describe myself on a dating website.)

A Jorge cover.

(Jorge being my Kitchen Aid mixer who has separation issues.)

Lusty item number 2:

A weekend trip to the Biggest Loser ranch in Snowflake Utah.

(Cause me and my big behind need to have separation issues.)

Lusty item number 3:

A cool i-pad to do i-pad like things.

(cause I've always wanted an i-phone that doesn't fit in my pants)

Lusty item number four:

A weekend in New York.

(I gotta go see some shows, do some shopping, and be SEEN y'all)

Lusty item number five:

Cause its like Mambo number 5 only better (a little bit of Erica in my life a little bit of so so all night long...can't remember the lyrics but hey! pretty good for a 11 year old song no?)

I would lust to have a chance to go visit my peeps in Alabama, Florida, Boston, and anywhere anybody wanted to have me.

So there ya have it. My lust list of Friday.

Have a great weekend y'all!

Y'all come back on Tuesday you hear?

Monday, August 29, 2011

Ghetto Superstar

Mary Katherine Gallagher once said that are two types of people in the world those who merely dip their toes in the waters of a swimming pool slowly getting in acclimating themselves to the cold and then there is the other type who merely stand on the end of the pool and jump dealing with the freezing consequence later. I have made this my life philosophy looking for people who look at life from all different angles. Cause I have found that I need a mixture of both, people who use caution who allow me to sample life with restraint and forethought to the future.

But I need wild and crazy too. Cause if I am too cautious, too focused on living for tomorrow instead of today I end up bluntly constipated in my life. Backed up in emotional and thrilling moments and need those people to push me in the pool. Clear me out if you will.

What this means is that I need to make some friends. Apparently I'm lonely. I didn't realize this till yesterday when I finally officially breached the single ward barrier. (FYI Single Wards is what my church does to all the people who aren't married between the ages of 18-30 if you aren't married by 30 they consider you a lost cause and throw you back into a family ward. Its suppose to make us feel "special").

I'm not looking to get married but I am looking for some people who like to dip their toes in the water and those who like to throw themselves whole heartily in the deep end. Cause everybody could use a friend no?

Friday, August 26, 2011


(I'm being haunted by my ironing is the theme of this picture)

Sorry for not posting yesterday but I was having a domestic day. I woke up at 9:30 lounged around my apartment for a few moments (aka watched 2 episodes of Grey's I forgot how good it use to be!) and ironed. Then I had a great lunch with Grandma Dar and my mother and went to Target. After spending some quality time looking around (it was so hot I didn't want to go near anything that had to deal with that awful heat. Did I mention I hate August?) had to buy new tires for Bertie and then went to the mothers for something important but I can't remember what and then went home.

Washed Bertie. Treated the soft top so it will stay in great condition and then went to the 7-11 where I got me a big ol' slurpee. Its Blue Raspberry/ Pina Colda month at the 7-11. In case you were wondering those are my favorite flavors. Watched the Bomb in the Chest episode of Grey's will be dedicating a separate post to that later.

Which leads me to the really exciting moment I had this morning. My power went out last night. AKA my alarm went to battery powered and it being in the unhearable range made me really late for work this morning. Love that when that happens. So today I look oh so pretty. Not really but lets pretend shall we? Cause there is nothing I love more than a morning heart attack to get me started in the morning. Oh. I love Fridays.

Anyway hope y'all are having a "great" morning. Oh and I'm bored of being in Ogden and ready to travel somewhere fun. Anybody know where I should go? Who I can stay with?

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

By the Sea

(Me and my Chacos. at the beach in Gulala sounds like kola California.)

Have you ever had those mornings when you get dressed and you look at yourself in the mirror and go this isn't going to work. In fact this outfit is absolutely and completely wrong but you look at the clock and go IEEEE! LATE! I'M LATE! SO LATE! No?Maybe its just me then.

Its moments like those that you know that you should go back to bed crawl under the covers call work stating that you need a personal mental health day. Oh what I would give for a mental health day. I'd sleep in, wake up go lounge by the pool and when I was done feeling like a baked potato I would go and sit in the darkness of the movie theater with a small bucket of pop corn and a catch up on all the picture shows that I have missed out on for the last couple of months.

What a nice dream.

Too bad I'll be wasting it at work.

But isn't that how life goes?

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Johnny B. Goode

(Photo of Sea weed at The Sea Ranch)

I rise to a point of clarification. Sorry I've always wanted to say that. A few days ago on Facebook I posted a status that said It's called Deafness not Gayness Dumbass. There are things in life you can control. How much you eat, how much Grey's Anatomy you watch, and how you talk to people. Then there are things that you have no control of, the little flukes of nature and genetic material that you acquire through the process of your creation that by nature make up who you are. Its a great thing, a strange and wonderful combination of what comes from your genetical line that makes up a person or as my biology professor put it A little from Column A and little from column B and BAM! There's you.

As some of you who know me I have a wee bit of a hearing impairment that requires me to wear hearing aids. The joys of hearing impairment is that often times it comes with a little bit of lisp and I talk with my hands (a lot. sometimes it looks like I'm directing air traffic.). I've gone through years of speech therapy to help me with my S sounds. Which is why I hate Sally Sells Sea Shells at the Sea Shore. I always thought Sally's business plan was a little off. Why would you sell something at the location of where you could purchase it? I always wanted to go to the sea shore and pick up sea shells and dance around Sally and be all look at me Sally I'm picking sea shells for free! HA! If you ever want to know what Speech therapy is like read David Sedris book Me Talk Pretty One Day the first essay sums it beautifully.

So why this big conversation about my hearing impairment and slightly fun lisp and big hand gestures? The other day I had a situation happen in which I heard someone I didn't know very well go "I love to hear that gay kid talk" (heads up hearing impaired people can still hear. Oh. and we read lips pretty well too.) and I turned around I looked at the person and I said I'm deaf not gay and second of all its none of your business. I want to stress though that while I am personally not gay I have many friends who are and I bare no political agenda. people are who they are. But like Oscar tells Felix in the Apartment "You know what they say about people who assume? It makes an Ass out of you and me." I don't see how my sexual orientation plays into the way I speak but for some people it does.

There. I've risen to speak on how hearing impairment doesn't equal gayness. Let's not visit this issue again shall we? Now if you excuse me I have some sea shells I need to go throw at Sally.

Monday, August 22, 2011

Mute to the Sound of Silence

On this season of Blake got Fat...

(Read the next sentences like the guy from the previews at the movies)

He's made you laugh, He's made you cry and now he's moving up in life?

End of preview.

I've decided to treat my blog like a TV series. I take three months off and I'm ready again to write again. Here's what you've missed so far. I worked. and worked. Worked. Oh did I mention I worked. Went to The Sea Ranch in Gulala California. Then worked again. Got promoted. Still worked. Work. Workity. Worked. See wasn't that entertaining? I thought so.

Oh where do I work you ask?

I am the front desk tech coordinator for the Mammography department. Yup. You heard me. Mammography. I have a great boob job you could say. Its where I plan on meeting my eternally young cougar and marry her and never have to work again! See I've got priorities. But seriously why mammography? Cause I'm the biggest prostitute when it comes to money. I go where the money goes. That and being a room service server/phone operator/expeditor (the one who puts the room service trays together) / dishwasher was becoming one job too many.

So I switched. But in order to keep my benefits I had to work between the two departments. So I started working 50 to 60 hour weeks. So fun. Not. But working so much did give me a benefit. I got a new car! YAY! But more of that tomorrow.

I'm back for good. I promise.

Wednesday, August 3, 2011

Constantly in the Darkness

I have learned that in order to see life you have to look for the little stories between the movements of those we love. Though we are all the greatest actors on this stage called life its the simplest moments, the small hesitation before a word is spoken, the casual way a hand reaches up to push a stray hair behind a ear.

Before my Grandma lost all sense of past and future and moved completely to the present she left me a voicemail message when I moved up to Logan for the first time living in a completely foreign (when there was a time when college campuses seemed strange) world I listened to that message over and over again when I was lonely, when I was frightened or when nothing made sense. It was the anchor of a voice pulling me through the faint light at the end of the hall. Then in a act of stupidity before I could record it off my phone I hit the 7 to delete instead of the 9 to save it.

Why am I sharing this? Because sometimes its the spaces where we need to remember, need to see, need to hear that voice to keep us going. Cause when you are standing on the edge of the crazy cliff you need something to pull you back, a purpose to make you feel that you aren't alone or the reminder of where you had direction.

Because right now I feel a little lost. But perhaps that's what I need to reach the place I'm going.

It's These Quiet Times

I realize now after the fact that I have a serious problem. I thought that after I had worked the 12 steps gone to meetings and been clean for four months and gotten my chip of soberity that this would never be a problem again.

But I was wrong.

To understand my Coke addiction you have to understand my background. I was brought up in a home where pop (soda, soda pop, fizzy beverages etc) just wasn't consumed. It's not that my mother had a deep strong adverson to soda its just that we just never bought it. But on the weekends? The weekends were glorious dear friends.

My father made the weekends be full of adventures and explorations of new cultures. We went to fairs, mini horse shows, remote controlled car shows, air shows, (we went to a lot of shows now that I think about it) , the bike shop, minture train shows, hikes, bike rides, and just laying on the couch watching the Tour De France. (A strong viewer since 1984). But how does relate to my coke addiction?

Who knows all I know is that I have a problem. And I need help. What this has to do with anything who knows?

Friday, July 29, 2011

I Want You To Want Me (and other things too)

I don't know if I told you this or not but I finally moved on to my first grown up purchase. I finally bought myself a car! A new auto-mobile. A horseless carriage and all sorts of words you would find in a thesarus.

Why? Do you ask? Because I deserve it.

Oh what kind did I get? Mini Cooper Convertible.

Because when else is it pratical to buy a convertible? That and my Honda was tired. She had been through alot. So I figured it was time to break up.

Oh well.

So that's that.

Thursday, July 28, 2011

What a Way to Make a Living

Note to self.

If you are going to listen to Dolly Parton in the morning its best not to blast it through your speakers. Apparently not every one is as deaf as you. So to spare you the embarssaing moment you had with your neighbors this morning I would highly suggest a new song. 9 to 5 while its is great to moviative yourself and get going its time for something new.

Perhaps Glen Campbell?

Wednesday, July 27, 2011

But Oh Goodness Me It's A Great Big World

I realize that I live my life in the in between places. Between two things at all times I chose the middle because that is what feels safetest to me. In sibling order I am the middle (poor Jan) between the oldest and the youngest. In my job I'm between being on the lowest rung of the totem pole and having a higher postition. Even my birth month of June is a bewteen 6 months till the end.

But deep inside of me buried deep is something, someone who is craving more from life. Craving to experience of burnig desire to fling all cares off the mountain to experience life in moments and not caculated moments of betweens.

So that's why I haven't written it's not that I haven't had a lot to say but rather I'm between moments here and I don't know what to do. When I act you will know. I'll tell you about it soon.

Monday, June 20, 2011

Up Down In Out Anyway the Wind Blows

Yesterday I got stuck in an elevator.

Not the stuck where you don't go anywhere but the scary gut dropping kind where the lights go out and the floof drops. Then the emergency light comes on and all I could think of was why didn't I go to the bathroom? After waiting for 15 minutes for the elevator guy to come bail me I've never been so happy to get out of such a tiny space.

This is as far as I got with that story.

This week is the start of my birthday week! There is nothing better than having a birthday. When I turned 25 (the annus horriblus year) it was one of the worst years of my life. I was lost dear friends. I was broke, scooping ice cream and had moved in with my parents. I gained 20 pounds and was so depressed thinking that this was all my life was going to be me on the couch with the cat watching Oprah reruns.

So on the eve of of my 26th birthday I lit a candle, tore out of my journal all the sheet of my "life goals" and burned them. Watching the pages burn I felt such a freedom. Like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. After burning the old list I started a new one with the stupid impratical wishes I had always wanted to do and had written down but ignored. Compared to the serious 5 year plan goals they were absolutley crazy. For example 1. Run a marathon. 2. Visit all friends and family who live out of state. 3. Read more challenging books and to stop wasting my time trying to read ones I don't care for. 4. to be a postive person. 5. If its raining go out and stomp in a few puddles. 6. Find something of joy in each day.

On the eve of my 27th birthday its nice to say that I have done all of these. Some more than once! So I say to those serious goals good riddance. Now its time to focus on the last goal of my 20s. Three guesses on what it is and the other two don't count!

Friday, June 17, 2011

I Hadn't Anyone Till You

It always begins with either a phone call or text on those truly "wonderful" (see terrible/awful/horrible/no good/ oh my gosh when is it going to end) kind of days. Somebody has something that they absolutley want to tell you. But instead of directly telling you they want you to fish it out of them.

For example:

Txter: Sup?

Me: Sup.

Txter: So what you doing?

Me: Nothing (I'm sitting on my couch avoiding the world stuffing my face with Hagaan Daz that's what I'm doing)

Txter: Guess what?

Me: what? (Is this one of those middle school phone conversations?)

Txter: No really guess!

Me: okay I'll bite you got ran over by a big truck with the name mack on it? Or you got confused when they were giving you a tatoo and now you have a big ol' swingline imprinted on your forehead?

Txter: No. I'm Engaged!

Me: Yay? About damn time? Congrats?

End of example

I'm absoultey terrible in these situations. Because through the joys of texting I can never tell if this is I made a big mistake and now we are getting married please help me get out of it or, I no longer have to check the single box on my taxes, I get a bigger refund, and now get to delight in your singleness! Kind of engaement.

It's not that I'm bitter its so hard to find somebody nowdays. Those Glee kids keep on singing about how hard it is so I guess I gotta believe them. But why does it always have to be on those hard days?

Monday, June 13, 2011


Today I had a dance party at work.

I may have been the only one there.

But it was fun anyway.

Cause sometimes when you are bored enough you find the inspirational piano playing the same three hymns plus the whole sappy movie catalog. (i.e Somewhere in Time, Total Eclipse of the Heart, My Heart will Go on Etc.) it was so bad today that I wanted to hurl a box of Kleenex from the fourth flour balcony and a pint of Hagan Daaz and yell down to this lovely pianist GET OVER IT!

So there I was tilting my head (I may have been trying to get water out of my ears) like those fools in night at the roxburry when the sweet volunteer lady who often works next to my desk to ask very sweetly "Dear are you having a seizure?" that's when I realized that the dance party was over.

Oh well. I'm hoping that the miss every third note Sally comes to play the piano tomorrow.

Sunday, June 12, 2011

It's Not About the Money

A Big Fat ALOHA!

Yes I'm back from my self imposed blogging vacation/ break from writing. I needed a little space in order to get back together from the marathon. 14 hour work days, and family. Yes sometimes you need a break from them too. Oh and Maren? Hawaii was wonderful since you were the only person who guessed where I was going so I'll drop it off.

So what have I been up to you may ask? Well deary ducks I went Hawaii which was wonderful (how could Hawaii be awful I ask you?) but that's not the focus of this story. This one focuses on Cancer, Phone Sex Operators, and why I'm not allowed to watch TV anymore.

As some of you know I don't have television at home. I chose to have internet and electrical power instead so I had to give up my daily feast of Oprah, Grey's Anatomy, Dr. Oz, House Hunters, and thousands of other shows. Which has been fine freeing up my time allowed me to complete such projects as organizing my sock drawer and praying for orphans in Africa (I know I know I'm a "saint". ) but on vacation when you stay in hotels they have this wonderful amenity besides the free soaps and shower caps called free TV! Not only just the regular channels but cable too!
Lately the last few months I have had problems with my voice. I've always had rather a high pitched voice (not by choice let me tell you there is nothing better than answering the phone to Ma'am is your husband home?) but I've had this sore throat/ mucus problem which has caused my voice to go through puberty all over again (cause it was so much fun the first time) high and low and sometimes I sound like a 64 year old chain smoking phone sex operator named Rhonda.

Back to the story.

As I was slathering myself up in sun screen I had this wonderful box on and I had turned on to Dr. Oz. and I wasn't really paying attention till the guest was talking about a cancer that was killing more people but hadn't really been talked or campaigned about. Its known as throat cancer. So of course Dr. Oz starts listing off the symptoms.

1. Frequent sore throat (CHECK!)

2. Loss of voice or breathless quality (Check?)

3. Voice changing ranging (CHECK CHECK!)

At this point I'm starting to think Oh dear. I've got cancer. I've got the Cancer! That cancer they are talking about I've got it!

and finally the last symptom Tumors or lumps on the neck area at this point I'm choking myself going is that a lump? Is that lump? After working myself up into a brief frenzy I realized something. They were talking about months of these symptoms I've had for two weeks. Oh dear.

So no I don't have the cancer. But this is why I'm not allowed to watch TV anymore.

Oh well. Nice try Dr. Oz.

Tuesday, May 31, 2011

For the Lusty Month of May and The Bawdiness of June

I shall return soon! Taking a little blogging break to recharge my batteries and my running super powers. Tune in on Monday June 13th where I will reveal with you a story filled with:





and a suit case.

It's the suite case that's driving you crazy isn't it?

Well tune in on Monday June 13th! Will be you able to guess what I'm up to?

Post a comment and the winner gets a prize!

Sunday, May 22, 2011

You Gotta Ring Them Bells!

I finished! Here is my marathon story! I adapted this from a letter I sent to the nip because it was the only way I could tell it so it made sense.

I ran the Ogden Marathon yesterday. Well actually it was more like a half marathon, a walk a ton and a sprint. The first half was awesome! It went by so fast! I stayed up at the married people's cabin by Causey so I didn't have to wake up at 4 in the morning to be on the bus by 5. I got to drive down to the race line about 40 minutes before it started which was awesome it was the perfect morning it wasn't too hot or cold. So the race started and it was so much fun. When I got to the half marathon start I finished at 2:26 which is about four minutes faster than my time last year! I even ran up mile 14 (mile one for the half you know the hill?) was going great till I hit mile 20. At mile 20 my insides wanted to be on my outsides I threw up just past the oaks which was awful I got to the water station and the first aid person knew it was me who vomited all over the course and if I wanted to quit. I told him that I couldn't I knew too many people who wanted me to finish and that I would walk till I felt better. So that's when the walk a ton started I had to walk the canyon which was the reason why I wanted to do this stupid thing in first place but it was cool to see the river and go through the canyon at that speed.

So I reached the parkway thinking that at the parkway at least I could run it cause I've ran it so many times. Nope. I could manage the little old man jog I now understand what Mom and Emily were talking about when your stomach declares war on you. Since they couldn't control the run off this year I had to run on washington blvd which was fine and when I hit grant that's where my dad and Elayne were and they ran the last mile with me which I so needed. Know those times when you think that you just want to quit? That was my moment if I had any water left in me I would have cried. But anyway on with the story. So Elayne was running with me just pushing me on which was just what I needed to get me to the finish line and then at 26 mile sign all the sudden I had needed to sprint. I need to be fast. Like our sister I knew that I had to finish strong. So beating this 60 year old man across the finish line I finished in 5:54 which isn't great cause if I would hadn't gotten sick I would have had a way better time but hey it was my first one! So after they medaled me I had to sit down which was fine so I sit down in this chair in the shade which was awesome. And I'm sitting there in my chair and I wave to Dad and Elayne and so I stand up to talk to them and all the sudden it was like every thing got bright. Very bright. For a moment there I thought that the second coming was started because that's what all the doomsayers were saying that it would happen on May 21st and then the lights went out they were walking me to the med tent. Cause it wouldn't be a race with out someone going to the medical tent.So I they wheel me off in a wheel chair and made me put my feet up.

Apparently when you run for 26.2 miles your body gets rather used to pumping a lot of blood so when you stop all the blood pools in your legs and drops your blood pressure very fast. Who knew that the marathon would be informational and hard at the same time? Not me. So after that delightful episode I was able to hobble to car. Yes hobbled. Where I proceeded to have my first coke since Feb. It wasn't that great. Anyway so after taking a wonderful bath at Mom's and a amazing nap in the Nips bed. So then afterwards I went to get my car at the Married people's and we watched a movie. So now I have old man feet. They are so gross and veiny and I can't go up stairs. Well let me rephrase that. I can't move fast and standing is evil but I'm getting better.

Now since my body has declared war on all things moving I am now interviewing Sherpas to carry me around. So if anybody meets one and they are looking for a job tell them that I'm hiring!

Thursday, May 19, 2011

Jesus and Gravity

I'm scared.

It's been three months since I woke up that morning and realized that my life wasn't going to change till I made the choice to find something to heal the self inflicted wounds I caused myself. I'm guilty as anyone I took all my blessings, my individuality and my "muchness" for granted. I was so focused on the how my life was going nowhere, how I was a nobody, a loser who all he did was serve food.

I was so angry, so frustrated at how my life hadn't turned out the way I had planned. So when a friend needed a road trip buddy to California I said yes. So in February I left the cold darkness of my life and winter in Utah in exchange for the warmth and the ocean. I was 240 pounds and stuck. As I was packing I threw in my runner's log and the The Non Runner's Guide to Running Marathons and my running shoes. Though I hadn't gone for a run since October I had read an article in Runner's World who whenever he traveled always brought his running shoes to get the lay of the land of the new places he had been so when he logged it in his log he could see all the wonderful and interesting places he had been. So I dusted off George and Martha and threw them in my bag.

That trip changed my life. Each day I went to run in the sunshine and lugged that fat body all around I realized that I need to change. I need to forgive myself for getting that large. So each mile I told myself you signed up for this marathon back in August. You are going to do it. GO Diego Go! That was mantra. So every day I went running in the sunshine and I felt myself toss some of the anger and hatred into the ocean, the space and the mountains.

(Later it got shortened to GO Diego GO!)

When I got home I realized that my life goal of running a marathon was actually going to happen. So I ran in the sunshine, I ran in the Snow, I ran in rain, I ran on treadmills, and I even ran in a pool just to meet my goals.

My perspective changed. I finally had the guts to tell people what they meant to me. I lost 20 pounds (and more by this summer!) and I started making traction in life. So on Saturday I want to thank all of you, every one who has read my blog who commented, who stopped me on the streets and said I saw you running! You look great! I'm grateful for you all.

So on Saturday morning at 7 am I will take that first step in George and Martha and will wear my bands of glory (aka my Nike Sport band and my road id) and though I will be light in clothing I will be carried by you, you readers and friends whose thoughts will push me across that finish line. There is no time that I'm running for. I walk I walk. If I crawl I crawl but I will finish.

So tonight is my last night as non marathoner. I feel more nervous about this than I do about graduating from USU.

I'll keep you posted!

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

On the Waterfront

The last few months I've been a rather lazy housekeeper. So on Tuesday after a Mary Tyler Moore marathon and almost dying over the mountain of laundry between my bedroom door and the bathroom. Laying on the floor nursing a giant goose egg I knew that something had to change. Since I wasn't in the mood to move I decided it was time to throw a dinner party.

Why a dinner party?

Have you ever had those moments when people just show up at your house and you have all your laundry in your living room? Or you go to offer them a drink and you have to wash one in the sink for them? Well if you know they are coming usually sparks a cleaning spree for me. So hence on this awful rainy day I had people over and I cleaned.

Oh Law did I clean.

So if you ever need a boost invite people over for a dinner party.

Monday, May 16, 2011

As Long As You Need Me..

So here are some thoughts that have been running through my head of statements I have said over the last three months in regards to running:

It's only a 18 mile run.

Are these shorts short enough? I really want to maximize my sun exposure..

I've got to go to bed I've got a run tomorrow

Kashi Pizza? And its on sale? I'll take them all!

Oh? Me? I'm running 26.2 miles on saturday and then I plan on cleaning my house?

Yes I lost weight would you like to know how much?

So on Saturday this big ole' fat body of mine is gonna run through the canyon up and down a hill and when I'm done I plan on drinking a coke and laying on the grass and be happy. So now if I can get out in this cold weather and go for a run.

It's almost here! It's almost here!

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Edge of Glory

Its been too long since I wrote a post. When I got sick I lost any ability to string a sentence let alone try to run. So I went to go hide deep inside my weekend of food. Because I may have lost the ability to breathe but I could still eat. And Eat I did.

It was fab.

I highly recommend it.

Also while we discuss eating I went to St. George to watch my sister take first in her age group to win the second Iron man. What's an Iron man you ask? It would be a 2.4 swim followed by a 112 mile bike ride and just to add a little spice a 26.2 marathon on top of it. For her age group she took third in the swim, 1st in the bike and marathon. What did I do in St. George? I sat in the shade and stuffed my face.

Again it was marvelous.

So today after a five day rest from running I went for a short run of 3 miles and I thought I was going to die. But its okay by sat I will be fine. Cause the 21st is coming up and I'm getting a tad bit nervous.

So that's my update.

Peace yo,

Time for me to eat a carrot.

Cause I'm cool like that.

Wednesday, May 4, 2011


To whomever gave me this flu:

Thank you so much for the long nights of stuffy headness and body aches. Thanks to you I am now reduced to laying down on my couch drinking nightquil from the bottle and having odd conversations with my televisions. Yes I said televisions due to the nightquill I can now see two of them. Also thanks to your kind generous germ spredingness I am now unable to run because my balance is off. Tried to go for my favorite run today and ended up listing like a drunk frat student on spring break.

So to whomever you are such a giver that I want to share with you the feelings of achiness and crankiness you've given me. You are so nice! Its just what I've always wanted. A chance to feel like I'm dying without actually dying. Thank you you wonderful giver you. I'll treasure this always. And if I can't do this marathon I will personally come over and thank you very phyiscally.

With love and much gratitude to your "wonderful" gift,

your nightquill buddy,


Saturday, April 30, 2011


There are three things I've learned to today.

First: Running 20 miles is hard.

Second: Bike riders can be mean.

Third: I may actually like chocolate milk.

The third one is the one that surprised me the most though it could be due to the fact I'm not really coherent.


Dear Readers,

(This is a letter to you in my gratitude for you this week. Its rather sentimental and sappy so if you prefer to read my more humors items check back later today for after I complete my run.)

You don't get to chose your family. Who you were assigned to in your family unit is pretty much who you will be related to your entire life. Whether or not you like them or love them is a person's choice but you share genetic matter and suffered the same wonderful and terrible experiences.

However friendships are something different. Here are people that you choose to interact with. They are people who teach you things or expose your perspective to another thought or idea. Or they are the people you call up in the middle of the night and say I just have to tell you something...and instead of hanging up on you they will talk to you till 3 am and tell you that the world is lucky to have you. You never know when you will find a new friend.

I may not have a lot of friends but I am very grateful for the ones that I have. (BTW if you are reading this I consider you a friend even if I haven't met you yet.) I made some new friends a little while ago. Years ago I made the best decision of my life when I chose to be friends with the married people. They have helped me rise above and be who I was meant to be because they are well to put it plainly my friends. How lucky was I when they introduced me to the Whipples. Yes that's their name. Raymond and Nicole are truly wonderful people. They are slightly irreverent, humorous and joyous people. They truly love each other. They give themselves to others. What I mean is that they give their time, their resources, their love to others. Its a trait I value in others above all. If you can put yourself second and give yourself you are truly a gift to others.

Sadly the Whips (yes that's my nickname for them) who are wonderful people are not above loss and pain. They would love nothing more to be parents. However they suffered a great loss this week. For years they have tried to get pregnant. A few weeks ago they found out they were above all pregnant! Sadly this pregnancy wasn't meant to be. I wanted to share this story with you because I don't bake, I'm terrible at birthdays but I can write a few sentences to say that they have impacted me for the better made me grateful for their friendship.

I pray for them in this odd spring that life will start for them. For above all they deserve to share that love that they have shared with me to others and pass it on to the next generation. So today as I prepare on this cold and snowy day to run 20 miles I will send a prayer with every step in gratitude to them and to you dear friends. For it is you who keep me going.

May you keep warm today.


Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Cross Yourself

I have a little problem. I was wondering why I was starting to see the numbers jump up on the scale. I didn't get it! I was running, watching what I ate and drank water all the things you were suppose to do but yet there was a lingering weight stuck. Well I figured out what was causing it. Apparently instead of buying my favorite sugar free 60 calorie chocolate vanilla pudding (put in a little dark chocolate mini chocolate chips and some sprinkles and sometimes its the best part of my day) I bought the regular 140 calorie chocolate vanilla pudding. No wonder I was so happy to see it every day.

So let this be a warning to you. Check your labels!

When The Sun Goes Down

Ever blessing has a cost I've learned. When you ask for change in your life you cannot request or control what you get. What's hard about blessings is that they push you out of your comfort zone. Every May I believe in changing my life. I don't know if it stems from living on campus for four years and having to move out the last day of finals or if it just comes from the transition from winter to spring.

I've been given three roads of choice lately. Each has a positive outcome and each has their own pluses and minuses. So to put it bluntly I'm just a bit run down but I'm OK. Cause I have to make a choice. Here's the 411. I've been offered the chance to return back up to Logan and essentially pick up my life that I moved on from two years ago. Or do I stay here and try this prn job at the hospital?

The only thing I know for sure right now is that I have to run. I have my marathon. That is consistent. What I want from the future? I want to be challenged by my job. I want to feel like I've made a difference to others and I want a new car. The Honda deserves to die. It would be the most humane thing to do.

So if anybody has any clear advice please comment. I'm at at the point where I want to break out my dart board and throw darts at the chart of my life and see what happens. What? That's how I ended up at USU. So now off to run 8 miles in this "warm" weather.

Monday, April 25, 2011

Where Are Destinations Lie

A few weeks ago a dear friend of mine passed away due to suicide. He had been battling depression for a very long time and he had a rough couple of months and in the note which he emailed to us he wrote "I wish I had made an impact on people's lives". Which I wish I would have told him how his laughter and focus to others had taught me so much when I was an R.A.

After running the other day my ipod ran out of battery. Which meant I had a whole lot of free time in my head to think (which is a very dangerous pastime) and so I started my power 26 program. Instead of thinking about how people had made an impact on me I figured why not tell them? Since I'm rather awkward speaking sometimes I figured why not just write a letter? So I wrote 26 letters to those whose lives have impacted mine for the better. Now I haven't mailed them all out yet. I've been rather lazy. But what I learned is that when you think you are alone you really aren't. All you have to do is think of the things, the people, the lives of people you love and suddenly its not so bad anymore.

So in less dramatic news I ran 18.11 miles on Saturday. Which I still can't believe I did it. It was fun up till mile 17 and then it felt those old cartoons where out of no where a wall appears and the coyote runs into it. So the last mile was rather a long and painful stroll. However if I had been smarter I would have not seen the new Arthur so late. (BTW? I liked it. Not as good as the Dudley Moore version but it did the job of entertaining me.) Working at 5:30 am and then off to run doesn't bode well I've learned.

Oh well. This is my last week of the long runs before the marathon. 20 miles and then it drops down till May 21st. I I so excited! No really I am!