Thursday, February 23, 2012

Gotta a Pair Of New Shoes!

These are my new pair of running shoes they need a name. They come to replace George and Martha. I got a new pair a couple of months ago and I named them Satan and Jeezebel. We had to break up. We just wanted different things. They wanted me to cry and I didn't want to anymore. So hence these unnamed shoes. I need your help!

Wednesday, February 22, 2012


I believe everybody has three types of pants in their closet.

Type One: The WOW! I Look Great Pants!

The Wow! I look great pants. These are the pants that you wear to all your happiest moments in your life. They are Traveling Sisterhood of pants that you don't share with anybody cause you look great in them. However I've seldom worn these pants because by the time I've earned the right to wear them I self sabotage myself and eat my feelings which leads to the next type of pants.

Type Two: The I'm Not So Fat Pants.

These are the pants you slip into when you are starting to look okay. Now you are having kinda rough days but its okay cause you work out occasionally and they kinda look like your WOW pants. These are the pants that I try to spend as little time as possible. Not that they aren't great pants but they are rather tight and you just don't love them very much. I usually wear these pants when I'm gaining or losing weight. Which leads to their evil demon spawn children.

Type Three: The Oh Dear Gracious What have I done to Myself Pants.

These are my secret shame pants. They are the ones that have elastic in the waistband. They are the ones that grow with you! Also have a sneaky resemblance to pajama bottoms. These are the pants that I wear at my darkest days. They don't look great and they usually lead me to evil places where I buy more food to eat my feelings. I don't love these pants but I keep them on had so I don't explode out of my I'm Not So Fat Pants.

I realize that I should listen to Dr. Oz and only keep the type one pants but the hard thing is life is hard. Sometimes you don't realize you've gone from type one to type three till its too late.

But Glorious News! I've graduated from my type three pants to type two pants! Life is good! I just have to work harder to get back to where I was before! I can do it!

Now leads me to what hides in your closet?

Tuesday, February 21, 2012

You Know I'm No Good

Yes! 3rd from last place!

I'm so proud of my self.

YAY for the fat kid says the singular person in the audience.

Just thought I'd share.

Monday, February 20, 2012

My Body

Its been a long time coming.

There are moments when you just go Okay. I get it. My life is never going to be the focus of a reality show. There is never going to be a "Keeping Up With Blake" or "The Biggest Loser Blake edition". Sorry. As fascinating as I think my life is I had a little mini life crisis the other day. No it wasn't because my fat hand was too big to get in the Pringles can. (Though seriously Pringles? You couldn't widen the mouth just a little bit?)

So I had to step away from writing. I had to throw out all the drafts of the whiny post that I had written. There was only so much I could write about fake boobs and my wallowing on the couch watching How I Met Your Mother. (Yes I realize its a total Friends Knock off but it makes me ever so happy). I've spent a lot of time running lately. Why? Because I have these really awesome pants that I want to wear but when I put on my emotional weight I couldn't fit in them again.

If you are ready I'll tell you what my mini life crisis is. It finally happened. The weird sensation of wanting to get married and settle down hit me. All the sudden this wild single life I've been living seems a little dull and boring. Let me explain something for you. My version of liking and wanting kids has been holding them for a few minutes and then handing it back to the parents and go "Here's your favorite mistake back"or "Your thing is leaking/crying/spiting" or my personal favorite "Have you met your child? It wants you back". After graduating from USU and moving out of my parent's house I've loved my freedom. As much fun as it has been to pick up and go where I've wanted, eat what I've wanted and done whatever has made me happy I find myself longing for conversations that deal with my friend's pro creative choices.

WAIT! Before you read way too deep into this I'm not a 100% ready to get married! I think I'm just ready for a new adventure. To cast off the world of mammography and Ogden. So in this year I need people to point me in the right direction. Doesn't that sound fun?

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

If I Loved You

If I loved you more I would have told you the truth.

If I had wanted to believe the truth in which you created I would have told you all my secrets.

If you would have loved me back we could have had a nice moment.

But instead your here.

and I'm there.

Torn apart by the words that were spoken. Wounded by the words that weren't there.

Isn't this rich?

I finally able to tell you want I want.

Yet there is no one left to listen.

Sorry my dear.

I tried my best.

Honest I did.

But perhaps this is the way we have to be.

Drifted apart.

What a surprise.

What cliche.

What is love?

Baby don't hurt me no more.

(My break up words to Java Chip Ice cream. What? You thought that was about a real human relationship? Me? Are you crazy?)