Friday, January 27, 2012

Night Sky

Have you ever tried to take a picture of the night sky? One away from all the city lights and the hustle of city living. If you ever take a moment to look up you see that the sky is filled with billions of stars. Some glow brighter than others. When the moon hides for just a moment all you see is are little pin points of light.

I've always been fascinated by the night sky. There's something old and mysterious about the stars they have been used as lights to guide sailors home. In some faiths it is believed that there was once a star so bright it shone on place where the literal Son of God was born. Whenever I'm far from home I always look up to see the stars especially the north star. Cause when I was very little I remember holding my Grandpa's hand and looking up to see the stars and he pointed out the big dipper and in the little corner he told me it was the North star. A star so bright that anyone could see it and it had been used by captains for centuries to guide their ships home. So when I'm lonely I always look for the north star I know that somewhere someone that I love is looking at it too.

Stars are something I've always doodled when I'm bored. A simple five point star. When I started studying shapes in folklore I learned about the five elements and how the ancients believed it was essential for a happy life was to have balance Earth, Wind, Fire, Water and Spirit. I have realized that my life is out of balance when I'm missing one of these elements. Earth I've learned is something that I have to touch and experience. My favorite moments are just being outside and stand in my bare feet and I breathe and I connect myself like a tree to the continuous circle that is our home. Wind to me is that niggling feeling you get in your gut when you need to move on. Push on. Whether it be a job, friends, loves, or just your own life. It always starts in a small wind. Ignore it long enough and it becomes a hurricane. Its funny I feel most alive when I'm connected to water. Whether it be swimming, drinking or just floating in it gives me peace. Fire the element was the one I thought I was most lacking in. Yet I find when I have a goal, a purpose, I can do things I never thought I could like the marathon, moving away from Ogden, and writing this blog. Its weird thought the one I've been most lacking in is my spirit lately seems lost.

Stars are things that bring me home. Bring me peace. My favorite shape is a star. I've wished on them, cursed them, and why on earth am I sharing this with you? Cause I just wanted you know that. Just something to consider.

Just one of those things I was thinking of today.

Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Shake Shake Senora

The shame rattle moment of the day is brought to you by the Grounds for Coffee cart.

I have lost 4 pounds in the last three weeks. Which equals a happy dance. This is the moment where you stand up and go YAY Blake! Its okay I'll wait. Are you done? Good. Thank you for cheering for me.

However today was a bad moment day. Today was a morning where I had the strong desire to be naughty. Not lay around the house and be lazy naughty but the naughty where you inhale a bag of OREO's and blame the dog kinda naughty.

However since I'm rather poor at the moment as in not Tiny Tim poor but not Big Spender level either. So when my favorite coffee cart gal decided to get a new job and leave I thought the only nice thing to do was support her...well 410 calories later and I feel rather hyper and gross with myself. I'm so ashamed! Sob! Tear! Shame rattle in the back ground.

To make it even worse is that I split my pants. Thank goodness I didn't go commando today.

I think I might have to leave work early today due to a fashion emergency.

this concludes our shame rattle moment. tune in later for updates.

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

What I Really Want Is Deliverance

I call this picture Fat and Happy.

Anyway moving on new development in the fan lady department. Last night after coming home from the gym I in all my sweaty glory saw fan lady standing at the base of the stairs looking out at the snow. Which would have been adorable if I didn't hate her guts.

Well hate is a strong word how about mildly disgruntled?

So then came that awkward moment where I knew I was going to see her on the way back to my apartment. So I decided to use my Dolly Parton technique. For those of you who don't know what that is let me explain. I use this on all my difficult patients/residents/parents... its the overly friendly nothing you can say to me is rude I am a happy person attitude. Just like Dolly Parton. All that's missing is the huge hair.

As I was getting to the stairs she starts getting this weird panic deer in the headlights look on her face and amps up the jazzy (the motorized scooter) as fast it can go. To which I yelled rather loudly Hi Fan lady! Hope you are having a great day! Isn't this snow wonderful!

Oh well. You just can't help crazy.

In other less fascinating news I have lost 2.8 pounds. YAY me! Which is huge because in this whole dark time from the marathon I've gained enough weight to be a Biggest Loser contestant. But as of today I no longer meet the requirement. HAH! So from 261.2 to 257.7 (Yes I am a BIG boy.) I'll take what I can get.


I've just decided to breathe food from now on. I don't taste it I just sniff it. That and I signed myself up for two half marathons one in April and one in May and I really don't want to haul around all this extra weight around if you get my drift?

So that's what's new with me.

Saturday, January 21, 2012

Set Fire to The Rain

So this is what I have done all day today. I have been in bed or watching movies. And I don't care! La la la I don't care.

Its been glorious.

I had nothing to do today and do nothing I did. It feels glorious. Fan freaking tastic. I did do one thing off my bucket list today. I watched the movie UP and cried for the first 15 minutes took a pause cried in the middle and cried at the end. Thanks Pixar/Disney for making me have an emotional moment today. Loved it but it will be another 5 years before I watch it.

However the piper must be paid and I get to run four miles tomorrow. In the snow. Or rain. Or if I'm lucky a mixture of both.

If after church you want to join me I'd love the company.

OH! Update on Fan Lady right now we are at an uneasy truce she has left it off for most of the day and at night its been off. However like the weather it could change.

Thursday, January 19, 2012


To describe fan lady below me:

"She's crazy. And just when you think you've reached the bottom of her craziness , there's a crazy underground garage."

This all started because all I wanted was to be able to sleep without a constant loud annoying noise.

That's it.

No world peace. No hugging it out. No hand slapping with the words nice job said through clenched teeth.

Just 8 hours of silence.

But apparently that's too much to ask for.

I'm a nice person. I recycle. I don't have energy to be mean to people. I don't play my music loud at night or early in the morning. I would like to think that I am a good neighbor. So when this whole fan situation started I tried to work with fan lady. I talked to her. I gave her a fan. I gave her candles.

Apparently being neighborly meant I will still continue to use my fan constantly though it annoys my neighbors. With no changes I finally resorted to talking to my landlord. Who was quite aware of the situation from all the other neighbors. After talking to the landlord fan lady started avoiding me at all cost. Who knew Jazzies were so fast? I said hi to her at the mail box and she amped that jazzy to the fastest setting and drove out of there trying to avoid my glance. I may or may not have yelled "Oh you better run!". After which she wouldn't answer the door. Wouldn't look at me. Which really didn't hurt my feelings.

It was after three weeks of constant noise I started fantasizing about blowing up Jazzies. To give you perspective I'm hearing impaired. Even with earplugs I can still hear it. It's that loud. So in an act of teenage huffiness I started walking around my apartment with my 50 pound weights. Every step drop the weights pick them up drop them. Keep in mind this was at 5:30 am. (What? I said I was nice not Mother freaking Teresa.) I finally started sleeping at my mother's and grandparents to just get some sleep. Since I didn't want to pay them rent I moved all my bed room furniture into my living room just so I could get away from the fan. Cause as attractive as dark circles under your eyes are not all of us can go to work looking like Ke$ha.

Last week after 2 months of awfulness I finally caved and called the cops. She didn't even answer the door. For the police. So on Monday after a long talk with the landlord they decided to take the fan out. Fan lady was going to be demoted to just crazy lady. So when I got home from work for the first time in months there was silence.

And I may or may not have done a happy jig and posted this status up on facebook "After two weeks of no sleep, constant irritation, and odd fantasies of blowing up Jazzies my landlord promised me that he would remove the fan from the lady below. Shedding tears of joy folks. Shedding tears of joy.

I was so excited to go to bed without noise I went to bed early.

Apparently I celebrated too soon. Facebook status "Guess who installed another fan? You guessed it. I have PTFD Post traumatic fan disorder. " I was pissed. Royally. Not only had I moved my bed back but I thought I had won the war. Apparently I was wrong. I just pushed in my ear plugs and called my landlord. (If I'm this annoyed somebody else going to be too.)

So last night after going for a run in the snow, finding out my weight now qualifies me to be a Biggest Loser contestant I was not in a pleasant mood.

When this lovely surprise was slipped under my door with a smily face sticker on the seal of the envelope. The full letter.

" The Keir Co. maintenance installed a "new" ceiling fan in my bathroom. If it disturbs you (sounds just as noisy to me) PLEASE call the police I could use some additional documentation on the air quality of this building specifically my apartment. I wouldn't have to turn on the fan if my apartment wasn't full of smoke, cigerettes and other.

Thanks so much.

Fan lady.

At this point I don't know what to do. I'm open to any suggestions.

The saga continues...

Sunday, January 8, 2012

New York


It was one of those weekends.

I'm in a war at the moment. I need to run. I need to move my fat body. Yet something sugary and sweet pops up and a terrible customer freaks out and I suddenly have this huge urge to eat my feelings.

Yes you heard me right. Eat my feelings.

Terrible I know.

Yet there is hope in this swirling hole of soda, mocha chillers, and guilt.

The Ironman Princess (aka my sister) is going to train with me for the two half marathons I have coming up. I know realize she is going to make me cry but strangely the fat that lives around my stomach is okay with it.

Because like all of you I need to fix myself.

I need to lift myself out this circle of desperation and eating my feelings. To see myself as who as I am and be okay with it. Since I've been big on list this year (aka the last 8 days) here are the things I feel I need in order to succeed.

1. Not to let myself be discouraged. Life takes work.

2. Be social. Stop coming home and wallowing on the couch.

3. Pain is part of life. Deal with it. Be careful and stretch. Go slow.

4. Coke and Mocha Chillers are not your friends. They may dance all cute and seductive at first but in reality they just make you a junkie.

5. Eat well. Sleep well. Eating your feelings is a sign that there is something wrong.

6. Avoid burn out. AKA say no. Say it loud enough for everybody to know.

7. It always sucks to start but it hurts worst to quit.

8. Know that you are worth it. Give yourself away.

9. Tell EVERYONE what you are doing. Tell them that if they love you they won't force you to have brownies.

10. Drink Water.

So there you go. My list for training in 2012.

Your welcome.

and again I'm sorry for the abuse I did to the ice cream this weekend. But in my defense it had it coming.

Thursday, January 5, 2012

Little Fire

A tragedy happened in my town yesterday.

Two blocks away six heroes went in to do their jobs.

One man paid the ultimate price.

Five are fighting to survive.

There are those who say

A dark cloud has moved in.

Changed this town.

Changed this place.

But I do not believe them.

This is a town of friendships.

Neighbors who look after neighbors.

Who mourn with those who mourn.

We are the Junction City.

A combination of all cultures, race and creed.

Today we will honor those who protect our city.

Who protect us.

This tragedy will not define my town.

I will not let it.

But tonight I will extinguish my lights.

And light my one candle.

To be a beacon of light.

Help that hero home.

To show support to his family.

Cause that's what we do.

We support each other.

Care for each other.

And dare I say it?

Love each other.

(In memoriam for Agent Jared Francom. Ogden officer who lost his life last night. For those other five officers my prayers are with you.)

Wednesday, January 4, 2012

Lets Get Away From It All

Bertie informed me this morning that she would like to go on a road trip.

She wants to taste the open road.

She has informed me if she does not get out of town soon and take her top off she will be very upset and will be prone to be throwing fits.

I do not blame her.

I want to go somewhere warm and hear the ocean rather than hear old ladies moan and cause commotions. I want to listen to terribly dated pop music (I'm looking at you Aqua) and sing it at the top of my lungs. I also need to go somewhere and put on my running shoes and explore somewhere new. This is starting to be a very needy post.

If anybody wants to join me I'm going to San Simeon California. I want to see the ocean and Hearst Castle, eat great food, and enjoy the sun for a little while. Anybody want to join me?

Sunday, January 1, 2012

May Your News Be Bright

Since I can't figure out how on earth to get the text to go between the pictures I'm just going to number them one through five.

One: Baby Xan! He was so fun to buy for the holidays. He's the first Great!

Two: My grandpa got this huge camping chair from Steve. We called it Santa's chair. So everyone took pictures in it. It was quite fun. Emily and Joe have a "special time".

Three: Grandpa Vern in his new chair.

Four: Grandma Dar picking up a new hobby. My mom gave her candy cigarettes and she was showing us the proper technique.

Five: Brandon and Ben chilling in the Chair.

So there's my holiday pics.

Cause I'm cool like that.