Thursday, November 19, 2009

Going to the Chapel..

When the Princess and I were little this was one of our favorite movies. Every weekend that this movie was out in theaters we would beg our dad to go see it. (Don't ask me I was 7 we all go through phases. ) Then it came out on video and we begged to get it. We watched it over and over again. Why?

Perhaps it was Martian Short in his classic almost award winning award wining performance as Fronk the wedding planner. (Fwather of the Bwide? anyone? No? Perhaps it was just me then.) Or the classic scene in which Steve Martin freaks over the ratio of hot dog buns versus hot dogs. When I had throw my own BBQ I realized this is a serious dilemma for the ages but that is a blog post for another time. It was on the 220th viewing that I was forced into a marriage that lasted until 2003 when it was ended when my wife picked another husband. (Hi April! Alimony check in the mail! Promise!)

Then today something wonderful happened.

A real wedding.

In our family.

This time its one of us getting married and not a parent. (YAY for Divorce! You get to watch your parents date and marry and realize its not so easy!)

But its not me.


The Princess and Joe are now officially engaged.

About time.

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

I am Ironman running through the forest..

See. The madness continues.

Because I can't go this is the post to encourage my sister. Cause she is an ironwoman.



Bring me home lots of free stuff okay?

That's all.

Thursday, November 12, 2009

Howdy Y'All!

We are now currently in South Carolina.

Did y'all watch or hear about Tropical storm IDA? Well to put it kindly she is rather a pain in the rear end. It has rained.


When we first arrived here we were like rain? Psh! Try driving up a mountain in Ford Galaxie during a snow storm. Now that is tough. Well. I was wrong.

Its hard!

More on the adventure later!

When I have access to my computer I am going to upload all of my pics from my trip and share my stories!

Tune in!


Tuesday, November 10, 2009

I'm Leaving On A Jet Plane..


Can you keep a secret?

I just ate an almond joy.

But that's not the secret.

Nor is it the one where you send stuff out in the universe.

I'm going to South Carolina tonight.

Its going to be fun.

See you soon.

Friday, November 6, 2009

Hey Sista Soul..

(No pic today. Just rest your mind and read my words.)

I just had the best moment.

The truly best.

I am at work and realized I don't have to work for the first weekend of my existance since May.

Can I just get a whoo hoo?

Or perhaps a Yippe?

As my friend Justin says "Yay from the single person in the audience."

I am glad.

Now off to Target.

This was one of the dumbest post I have ever done.

IF you had any form of kindness you would move on and read something with more literary value. Apparently I am getting something bad karma in my direction. Sorry skinny people!

Thursday, November 5, 2009

Hate On Me

(This is what happens when you eat too much sugar. Just a Warning)

I am declaring a strike. For Fat people everywhere. We are going to stick it to all the skinny people. Make them wear fat suits and see how fast they can jog up the stairs. When I started this rant I really wanted skinny people to understand what it is like to be rather large and in charge but then I realized something.

I want the skinny people to just shut up.

Have you ever heard them talking? Its all about how much they can lift, where they worked out, how they feel fat for eating two M&Ms. Then they stare at you like "well if we can do it whats the matter with you?"

I'm going to start intruding into those conversations. With comments like I ate four Almond Joys watched the Biggest Loser and passed out. Lets see you do that skinny bean.

So strike today!

We can do it!

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

No Air No Air

(See New Pictures! A FAT one but lets not make fun of the working migrant worker shall we?)

Now an apology from our sponsors:

So my post earlier was just a little off. Sorry bout that. I love my patriotism and often I get so excited about that I often sound a little judgmental.

We return to our regular scheduled programing.


A couple of months ago I wrote about my evil alter ego Drake and how he came in and ravaged my body for a couple of days. I know realize that Drake wasn't just visiting. Oh no dear readers. He moved in for good.

Or for the Star Wars Fans.

I embraced the dark side. To be honest embraced is the wrong word. I attacked the mother chicken like a hot roll slathered in butter on Thanksgiving. I've drank my dark sinful coca cola, I ve slurped my way through ice cream cones, and I have drank enough slurpees to make realize that covering your hands in day glow markers does not make the time go faster but rather gives you odd looks from people.

Did any of it make me happy?


In fact it made me bitter. Cause I realized something. Skinny pretty people have a language that they use when they talk at each other. Its like a high frequency that they can just stare at each other and go yup. I am pretty. And they judge us fat people. Knowing that if we were ever stuck in a Donner party situation their marathon/triathlon training could catch us and serve us up to have enough for a four course dinner party. But back to staring and pretty people staring at each us fat people. Cause I am not on of the group.

And I right now am not pretty.


I'm FAT!

Not just kinda fat.

But the FAT where you realize that your fat pants are too snug!

Oh dear.

Case in point. Yesterday I was on the OBGYN floor and realized that my stomach was the same size as most of these women in their nine months of carrying their bundle of joy. My stomach wins. Only I can't blame it on baby.

Just almond Joys. And Mint Chocolate Chip Ice cream. And Slurpees. And stress.

A brief preview of tomorrow's post:

Oh fat people of the world lets unite for one day shall we?

Lets strike.

Lets throw things at the pretty people and make them wear fat suits just to see how it feels.

But anyway. More on that tomorrow.

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

I'm Just a Bill...

Did you go vote today?

I did.


Because I like to ability to complain about the people that were elected into office. I can praise or say whoa Nelly! About what they do in office. Because I know I am the one who voted them in.

Cause if you didn't vote then you don't the get the choice to say anything.

Voting is painless. ID sign hit the button and your done. While you stand in line you can talk to your neighbors. Or Friends. Or make new friends.

It all depends on you.

(I'm getting off my soapbox now.)