No Air No Air

(See New Pictures! A FAT one but lets not make fun of the working migrant worker shall we?)

Now an apology from our sponsors:

So my post earlier was just a little off. Sorry bout that. I love my patriotism and often I get so excited about that I often sound a little judgmental.

We return to our regular scheduled programing.

I.E ME.

A couple of months ago I wrote about my evil alter ego Drake and how he came in and ravaged my body for a couple of days. I know realize that Drake wasn't just visiting. Oh no dear readers. He moved in for good.

Or for the Star Wars Fans.

I embraced the dark side. To be honest embraced is the wrong word. I attacked the mother chicken like a hot roll slathered in butter on Thanksgiving. I've drank my dark sinful coca cola, I ve slurped my way through ice cream cones, and I have drank enough slurpees to make realize that covering your hands in day glow markers does not make the time go faster but rather gives you odd looks from people.

Did any of it make me happy?

NOPE.

In fact it made me bitter. Cause I realized something. Skinny pretty people have a language that they use when they talk at each other. Its like a high frequency that they can just stare at each other and go yup. I am pretty. And they judge us fat people. Knowing that if we were ever stuck in a Donner party situation their marathon/triathlon training could catch us and serve us up to have enough for a four course dinner party. But back to staring and pretty people staring at each us fat people. Cause I am not on of the group.

And I right now am not pretty.

No.

I'm FAT!

Not just kinda fat.

But the FAT where you realize that your fat pants are too snug!

Oh dear.

Case in point. Yesterday I was on the OBGYN floor and realized that my stomach was the same size as most of these women in their nine months of carrying their bundle of joy. My stomach wins. Only I can't blame it on baby.

Just almond Joys. And Mint Chocolate Chip Ice cream. And Slurpees. And stress.

A brief preview of tomorrow's post:

Oh fat people of the world lets unite for one day shall we?

Lets strike.

Lets throw things at the pretty people and make them wear fat suits just to see how it feels.

But anyway. More on that tomorrow.