A Blake Got Fat Tribute to Barbara Bush

RIP N98899 VF 

Barbara Bush passed away last night after a long illness. Why the picture of the old twin prop N98899VF is because my Grandma Dar would hold on to the little metal handle on the top stepping down and do what she called the Barbara Bush wave. She may have only called it that once but she said the former first lady did this little wave coming off Air force one and that's what I remember. 

The Cessna 310 plane was our family's Air Force One. It flew us all over the place. It was essentially the Farr Station wagon. I've been feeling a little overly sentimental (side effect of chemo and a forgotten estrogen blocker with hormone replacement therapy. More on that tomorrow.) but I'm writing this tonight thankful that our family station wagon was a little unconventional. I would give anything right now to sit in those ugly brown corduroy seats in the very back seat and look out the window and play the llama game* with my grandma and cousins. To look out the window and see the great Salt Lake and the lava flows of Idaho below. I always took the best naps in the plane something about the white noise of the props and the gentle dips of the air pockets and the sun would come through the window like a warm blanket. 

That moment of anticipation of barrelling down the runway wondering if we would truly take off and feeling that moment of lift. Do you know how magical that was to say that as a kid I could actually fly? Granted it was in a plane but still it gave me that feeling of lift between the earth and the sky.

The moment when we landed and unloaded the suitcases in the Cadillac Eldorado and seeing my grandpa pull the two small bags from the nose. The blue Wilson gym bag and the maroon nylon bag. His and Grandma's cause they never needed much when we went up to their home in Sun Valley Idaho. 

Travel light. That's what you have to remember when you fly in a small prop plane. Travel light cause each pound matters. As we aged our placement changed in what seats we sat in to keep it balanced. 

In this moment as my life is changing (Later. All the details later.) I keep that in mind. Travel light and stay balanced. 

So I'm unburdening myself of old ideas about myself. Old ideas that I wasn't worthy. Unloveable. Shameful. To be ashamed of my talents. Not stand up for myself. To hide. After years of being unbalanced I'm finding stability. Cause while the Farr station wagon is no more it's lessons linger on. 

Travel light and stay balanced. 

And for once again for the first time in a very long time I'm beginning to lift between the earth and the sky. 

*The llama game was a game we invented in the Eldorado and plane on the way to and from Sun Valley. There was a llama farm we would pass on our way to and from the house. So my Grandma would say on the way in I'm going to take my llama to the bookstore. Then someone else in the car would go I'm going to take my llama on a hike etc. Then on they way home we would go I took my llama to and list all the fun things we did on our trip.*