Burn Your Life Down

Me being Artsy with My Phone 

Why I Meditate:

I didn't ever plan on being a person who meditates. While I loved the image of me wearing LULULEMON pants and sitting in the lotus position with a big smile on my face, the reality was whenever I sat down my legs fell asleep, I was never wearing LULU, and I couldn't smile longer than five minutes because I felt so awkward grinning at myself. 

So I would half heartedly try a guided YOUTUBE meditation video and fall asleep and claim I meditated. Till three years ago when I had finally retired from mammoland and was looking for something to calm down all the anger, sadness, and rage I was feeling in my life.  So took a class that was offered from work by a certified guided meditation coach and guru. 

The hardest part of meditation is the learning that it is not the absence of thought you are seeking but rather the ability to filter through what comes up and not engage with them but rather acknowledge them and let them go. Easier said than done. For the first and most of my meditation sessions go like this. 

Okay. Deep breaths. 

OMMMMMMMMM

Brain (In a valley girl accent/Cher Horowitz style): So I was like totally thinking that person was like buggin yesterday and OMG have you seen your bathroom? Like grossville!

Me: Yes all valid points but you see I'm trying to not engage with you at the moment. 

Brain: That's like totally valid and I admire you for like your serious dedication and stuff but may I remind you its like super early and I don't do super early cause according to O Magazine you need like 8 hours of sleep and it's like 4:15 am. 

Me: Thanks for reminding me brain. I'm very aware it's 4:30 am.  But let's not focus on that shall we? 

OMMMM

Picture that on a constant loop for 45 min to an hour. However sometimes when I when I'm able to be really gentle with myself and rise above I'm able to reach a higher plane of thought. 

Recently asked me why I meditate. The best answer I have come up with is that prayer is the state of asking. Whether you believe in God, a higher power, the universe, or even yourself it is the act of humbling yourself to ask the questions that are bothering you. To say the problems or joys in your soul. Meditation is the other side of the coin. It is the listening. The act of silencing yourself enough to be able to hear the voice or feeling to answer the question you asked. 

Guess which one I do better at? 

Yet while I go through all this change I'm grateful I take just a brief minute of the day to meditate in order to gather myself for the day. You don't have to sit in a lotus in LULU I have learned. You just have to learn to sit with yourself. 

And that is the biggest gift of all.