Monday, December 2, 2013

I Came in like a Freaking Wrecking Ball

I think I have a problem. This evening when I was being domestic making dinner I was putting things away in the tupperware containers when I came to the sad realization. That all my containers were the Cake Make Rainbow Sprinkles variety. 

Oh boy. 

I love my sprinkles. I love them in my ice cream. In my yogurt and when I was on a serious food bender I would make the cotton candy cake mix from Betty Crocker and throw in the sprinkles and eat the dough. Dinner of champions. 

However my favorite way to have them is to buy a container of Greek God's Honey Yogurt and mix equal parts sprinkles and mini chocolate chips in it's heavenly creamy goodness. Oh sweet charity. 

As I stood there in the kitchen I thought of those hot summer nights hidden in my den watching hours upon hours of Netflix and eating container after container of yogurt and sprinkles. When I would finish a container I would sneak out and buy more. I had to have it. It was what I lived for. 

Driving to the store with the roof down and realizing that I was so lost that I didn't have a way out. The yogurt didn't judge. The sprinkles added colors to the dull grey that had become my life. Eventually you become so numb to every feeling but the desire to fill the hole inside yourself.  

Give me sprinkles or give me death was my motto. I would actually get giddy when the damn things were on sale 2 for four dollars! Buy them all! I traveled with them in my luggage the secret security. That my magic sprinkles could take me away. Take me to some where better. In stead of the harsh reality that I was in. 

Then one day I walked into my trusty Smith Food King and they were sold out. Gone. Zilch. No more sprinkles. If you ever want to see a fat grown  man cry take away his drug. I stood there in dumb shock that they were gone and I realized in that moment that I had a problem. That my sprinkles had turned me into a freaking wrecking ball shape. My carpet hid little remains of smashed colored wax my chairs had them on the seats of the chairs.  So I quit cold turkey. Walked out of the store drying my eyes. I was like Scarlett O Hara I was never going to have sprinkles again. 

So I guess what I'm trying to say is my name is Blake and for a brief moment I had a glorious affair with Cake Make Rainbow Sprinkles. It's been 30 days and I'm finally sprinkles free. 

Every day is a constant battle. I want to slip back in my old habits. Yet I know if I do the Sprinkles win. 

I wish I knew how to quit you Sprinkles. 

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