Sunday, December 22, 2013

God Rest You Merry Gentlemen

(This is an older post that I finally finished)

I'm not the most masculine man you will ever meet. I smell nice, I know how to match colors and I read People magazine. Oh. I also run the Mammography front desk. Yes. That's right I'm quite popular with women ages forty and beyond. To be fair I didn't know it was mammography when I interviewed for the job in fact my answer to the job offer was You know I was the man that was in the interview right? Oh you did? Oh and you are still offering my the job? Really? Okay well fine I start Wen?

So needless to say it's always awkward when somebody asks what I do for a living. I always feel like a stripper. I'm not ashamed of what I do. In fact it's a great job and to put it bluntly it pays my bills. However there is no easy way to slip it into a conversation. Like a stripper I'm really good with the vague answer. I've been there for the last three years so its not really a surprise to people anymore cause most people know. 

Till last Sunday. 

In the LDS church they like to know about you. If you are stranger get prepared to be asked questions about where you are from, why you are there etc. They aren't meant to be mean most people just want to genuinely want to know more about you. In one of the meetings (the Elder's quorum) with just the men I was the new guy. The fresh meat. Which is fine I'm not embarrassed to talk about myself. I've become a pro. State your age, where you live, are your visiting or not, and then I close with a statement that I'm graduated and a vague answer of where I'm  working. Sweet to the point and on with the lesson right? 


Oh so wrong. 

So I wooshed through my usual spiel and I was getting ready to sit down when I hear "So tell us what you do" Oh dear. Really? I could see the desperation of the teacher's face. Obviously homie fell asleep watching Sport's Center and prepared his lesson ten minutes before church. I wasn't going to lie. I'm not ashamed. So caught I said quite simply. Oh I'm the front desk person for the Mammography department. Then homie is like what is that? 



During this month of Breast Cancer awareness you have no idea what a mammogram is? Well this is taking it to a new level of awkward. So I explained. Very briefly and using medical words. You would have thought I had wheeled out my stripper pole and dimmed the lights and said Woo! Free show for everyone!  

*I'm really sorry for the stripper analogy but it's the only thing I could think of that awkwardness I felt. * 

This was a room  of very fit, very masculine men, and here I was the fat kid who works in mammography. I was like Nemo. I just wanted to go home. Don't worry there's more. So after feeling super awkward and large I was finally asked the teacher when we were going to start talking about Jesus? Cause if we weren't I was going to to into random babbling stage and that's just dangerous where my brain shuts off and my mouth just keeps on talking and then my mouth gets mad at my brain and it takes forever for them to make up cause nobody likes to get their awkwardness rubbed in their faces. 

Then before I could stop myself I was like who wants a brochure? I had them in my scripture bag cause I needed one as a bookmark the other day. Surprisingly nobody took me on it.   Oh well no save the TA TA's stickers for you. Then I sat down and looked at the carpet for the rest of the class. 

So needless to say I think I won Best job award. I just don't know why nobody wouldn't look at me in the eye. Oh well. 

We don't ask people what they do anymore in Elder's Quorum. I'd like to think it was because of me. What can I say? I'm a trail blazer. 

1 comment:

  1. Oh, Blake, I can only imagine how awkward that is, and yet at the same time you would have been given hugs and kisses in Relief Society. HAHAHA!!!