Sunday, December 15, 2013

And I was like Baby Baby Baby

How you doing? 

This is me as Renaldo my stripper cleaner alter ego. He's a available to strip and clean your house for you very low rates. Actually no. Sorry for the brief delay I decided I had to get this nasty holiday called Christmas taken care of. So I have spent the last four days wrapping, shopping, dropping off, and finally today I purged my house of all unnecessary crap that had accumulated over the last four months. See when I was in the middle of the dark time I couldn't do more than go to work and barely function. It wasn't fun. I was depressed and tired. Which meant I dropped all my stuff all over the place. So after taking care of all the Christmas madness (everything is ordered, wrapped or has already been given) I woke up this morning and declared war. 

The kind where you open every cabinet, every drawer and if I haven't used it,touched it, or stared it it was going. See last night we had a little a little pipe burst that ruined a lot of my stuff in my storage unit. Not too sad all the important stuff was in my huge Tupperware boxes  but a lot of moving boxes got wrecked. oh well. It was time to get rid of all my old RA bulletin boards why I saved them I don't know. Anyway after dealing with that madness I was in full cleanup mode and I had to use it while I had the cleaning magic and clean I did. I dusted, I waxed, I vacuumed, I  hung up new pictures, I returned stuff and it was glorious. Now I am sitting here exhausted, tired, cranky and in strong desire for In and Out. I want fries! I want a dirty coke! I want a freaking hamburger. Alas its Sunday. So my double double chocolate protein bar will have to do. 

I know it was it was naughty to take a holiday from church but Jesus taught that a house in disorder leads to chaos and with the holiday fast approaching and finals I needed order in my life or else I was going to slip back into bad habits and with the availability of all things  chocolate and cookies I have the potential to make Festus grow into twins and the stretch marks I already have are killing me. 

My poor neighbors got an earful of such great songs as Holiday-Madonna, Killing Me Softly- The Fugees, Royals- Lorde (Call me King B!), and ROAR! I had the eye of the tiger indeed. Oh don't forget PAPA don't PREACH! Did I mention when I was cleaning I was singing these at the top of my lungs? Oh I didn't? Whoops. Lets just say there is a strong reason why the Mormon Tabernacle Choir has never called me back. Mainly I sound like a fat cat in heat. 

So this is where I'm going to leave you till tomorrow when I describe the joy of going to IKEA on a Friday night. Let's just say HIPSTER MORMON HELL. 

But more on that later. 

Renaldo is available. He's taking orders. He shows up in a mask and toilet bowl brush. French maid outfit extra. 

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