How to Take a Fat Deaf Kid Hiking.

A visual representation.

There has to be some level of understanding when you take me out hiking, walking, or any form exercise. Once we get started and the sweat starts (which is about 5-15 seconds) I have to take out my hearing aids and the ability to hear you go goes out the window. So that’s when the conversation gets interesting. You could ask a deep philosophical question for example “What are you giving up for Lent?” and I would hear “I’ve got a nice gent”. Totally different topics. I can’t tell you how many times I know I’ve missed the mark when the eyebrows go up and the look of ummm we aren’t doing that here.

Factor in that I’m not the fastest hiker and you’ve got yourself a party. My whole childhood was watching my Dad and sister sprint up mountains like goats while I waddled behind. Which was totally fine with me cause I was allowed to let my imagination run wild. It’s where I learned the art of allowing myself to get lost in a character. Plus, if they forgot me I could use that for emotional blackmail. Oh yeah remember the time you left me on the mountain? Good times.

As I’ve gotten older I just take my i-pod and listen to a good audio book or I just walk behind, if you are brave and stay by my side get ready to yell. Loudly. However, know the fat I’m working on, the deafness well that’s just a bad combo of genetics. This is how I imagine my parents explain the three of us… “This is our oldest she’s a professional Ironman and a mom, then we have youngest son whose married and going to be an accountant, and then we have our other son the fat deaf one who blogs.”

Anyway just a little disclaimer when you invite me to go hike with you.