Happy Hoildays

Happy Holidays. 

This is the grandparent's house. This is what I think of when I think of Christmas. Lots of snow and the lights strung up around the door. As we slowly trickle into town the door is open as we all trundle in to cheers to HELLO! Its great that magic moment when you come into the door and get a that overwhelming sense of family and everybody is happy to see you. 

I kinda need it. 

After you know the whole father rushed to the hospital,  crazy final,  the angry ladies at Mammoland, Duck Dynasty exploding my news feed and the sudden need to send lots of congratulation cards to people its been to put it bluntly a week.  Oh and don't forget to add bankruptcy to that list too. 

So much fun. 

My Dad is doing okay they decided after extensive evaluation to send him home which is awesome! He's sore and tired but I'd rather have that then the alternative. Sad news as well this year I still qualify to be Santa in the Christmas pageant Hunter still has to play Baby Jesus for one more year. So there's that. 

Things are calming down. I have moved in my bed for the next few months till spring comes out and I'll be willing and raring to go. Let's just say today's biggest accomplishment was feeding myself and taking a shower. WOO! As of right now I have some ornaments baking, some wrapping, and some Christmas stories to catch up on. A Charlie Brown Christmas I'm looking at you. It's my favorite. 

So thank you for your prayers and kind thoughts through the last few days. They were much appreciated and felt. Now I'm going to go off and put on my footie pajamas pop some popcorn and enjoy my isolation. Feel free to join me virtually or if you want to use your sled dogs and come here that's fine too. I'm not leaving till spring or when I run out of food whatever comes first. 

   

I Brought You Violets for Your Furs

The other day I was bored at work and I thought you know what I need? I need to see flowers. I need to see color. I need something that makes me go yes! Utah gets this nasty awful thing called inversion which blocks in the cold nasty smoggy air and it blocks the sun creating a hellish frozen environment which sits and stays till another storm comes cleans us out for about a day and then bam! It happens all over again. It can drive a person crazy and to drink I tell you. 

So I was sitting there and thought you know what? I'll send my mother flowers. Cause sending them to myself would just be awkward. So who are these flowers from? Oh they came from me cause I deserve it. If that doesn't spark crazy isolated behavior I don't know what else would and besides my apartment is north facing so those poor suckers would freeze to death (it's a toasty 60 degrees here) and I couldn't have that.  

I sent  her flowers and it was wonderful. She has these great big windows that let the light in the kitchen  plus she deserves them. So I called the florist and said I want spring. No babies  breath and not a lot of roses I want flowers that look as if you picked them outside. I think they did a great job.

Cause sometimes you need some color amongst the dreay. Plus why not?

Did I mention how I hate December? I do. I love Christmas I love the idea of giving of sharing and I love the sense of family. Yet I don't get the best news in December people get sick, events happen that change your life, and it always happens within these last two weeks. A bit of news my Dad was admitted to the hospital for blood clots. He's in good spirits and goes in for surgery tomorrow. So please send some extra karma some good energy some prayers on his behalf. I'd be ever so grateful. 

So I will think of these flowers and I will think of spring and I will think this will be a distant memory. In my dreams I will smell the freshness of the grass I will look at the mountains and see them in a bloom in new life. Also I'll think of warmth too. 

Yes I will do that. 

 

What Are You Doing New Years Eve?

This is my new fridge magnet for New Years resolutions. Feel free to make one for yourself.

Cause nothing stops you from shoveling food in your mouth than judgemental hipster Blake. 

Right now it is snowing on top of black ice and Im stuck at the Drs office to get my face zapped. Nothing says Merry Christmas like bleeding sores! I'd post pictures but that would be awkward for the both of us. Afterwards I plan on going home getting into my bed and embracing my good friend mr Nightquill cause nothing says you've done too much with no sleep than sounding like a eighty year smoker named Delores. 

I am having a good moment today. All of my presents are arriving, some are wrapped my house is no longer a FEMA site and Christmas Vaction is on Netflix. I'm going into full on hermit status and to tell you the truth I'm okay with it. I need it. 

It's been a hard week. Nothing overtly emotional or traumatic just pushing myself too hard with no recovery doesn't make for a fun Blake. So feel free to use said picture above for a magnet. 

Coming to America

"Honey you're a sweet thing and you look so fine...."- I know. Thanks. 

Today was a hard day. You know your day is going to be a barrel of fun when you wake up sounding like a 80 year old smoker named Delores. Normally I say I sound like a phone sex operator named Rhonda but frankly that takes work and I was too tired for it. 

Finals, Christmas, Saving the world one Mammogram at a time is taxing on a person. I mean I'm good at it but still I mean even Superman gets tired. So after having one of those days where you throw your hands up in the air and look up at the ceiling in all seriousness and go look I'm sorry for all the things I've done through ages 14-21 but really haven't I served my time? 

So at 8:30 pm tonight I was introduced to one of America's Treasures. I mean I can't believe I have never seen such a cinematic classic before. Truly.  Neil Diamond in the cinematic wonder that is JAZZ SINGER. Watching Neil in all of his late 70's glory I realized that my life had been missing such an important element of man's search of meaning in a world of excess and reemerging as singer of traveling means. Laurence Oliver looking like a fish? Oh such power. 

It also helped that Mama Joye knew all the words and had the hand motions that go with it. So now I know what to put on the television for my mother when she loses her memory. I mean I get it. Seeing Neil in sequins and some strong Farrah Hair and pretty awesome facial hair it all made sense to me why Neil Diamond's Christmas album holds disc spot number one at the Mama's house. That and Willie Nelson of course (his rendition of the Fa La La chorus will change you). 

So what had been an exhausting and weary day held a moment of lightness in it in the form of Neil Diamond's glittery shirt. Sometimes we just have to say Hello my Friend hello. So the reason for this wonderful picture above? I'm just providing you with some Hipster Blake flavor. 

Your welcome. 

Swinging and Making Merry like Christmas

I know. 

I promised you an IKEA hellish experience but it's just having a hard time coming out. Apparently I've still got to work through my emotional trauma. Bare with me. It was very traumatic and I'm doing my best to not upset Festus.

  December I think is a hard time for everyone. We so desperately want to give and receive happiness to those we care about. It's as if for these four weeks we are suppose to be cheerful, gay, happy caroling through the snow cause Christmas bells are ringing. I had my Christmas overkill on Friday. I had enough of it. Enough of the singing, enough of the cookies enough of the red and green, enough of the bankruptcy and enough of the blowup animals in people's yards. One day I will get a lot of money buy a menagerie of blow up animals and get a nice pair of lawn shears and attack all of them. Take that Santa in the HUMBUG exterminator truck! Watch out frolicking penguins I'm coming for you.Oh you blow up snow-globe with the fake snow you going down!  

Wow. That was dark. Apparently I've got some nylon blow up animals issues.

Anyway let's get back to sappy issue that I was coming around to. Like I said I was done. 

Till I walked out of parent's front door and this is what greeted me. I just stood there after I took my Instagram picture I thought of something. I just thought you know what? I don't care if everything doesn't get done on my Christmas to-do list. I don't care if my presents are all wrapped perfect or if a string of lights are broken. Staring at Malan's Peak decked out in it's winter finery I thought for the last 160 years my family has stood and seen this mountain change through the seasons.  Through great Christmases or not so good ones. They have gotten through it and so will I. Cause we do all of this out of love. Not out obligation or duty but because we love each other.

With the moon up and the mountain there I realized there was no other place I would rather be than in that moment enjoying the beauty presented before me. It was as if nature was like okay you've seen some good shots but watch this! HA! Watch what I can do! 

So there's that. 

Oh and if anybody wants to donate to the destroy the inflated  lawn animal  fund I'll let you join me. 

And I was like Baby Baby Baby

How you doing? 

This is me as Renaldo my stripper cleaner alter ego. He's a available to strip and clean your house for you very low rates. Actually no. Sorry for the brief delay I decided I had to get this nasty holiday called Christmas taken care of. So I have spent the last four days wrapping, shopping, dropping off, and finally today I purged my house of all unnecessary crap that had accumulated over the last four months. See when I was in the middle of the dark time I couldn't do more than go to work and barely function. It wasn't fun. I was depressed and tired. Which meant I dropped all my stuff all over the place. So after taking care of all the Christmas madness (everything is ordered, wrapped or has already been given) I woke up this morning and declared war. 

The kind where you open every cabinet, every drawer and if I haven't used it,touched it, or stared it it was going. See last night we had a little a little pipe burst that ruined a lot of my stuff in my storage unit. Not too sad all the important stuff was in my huge Tupperware boxes  but a lot of moving boxes got wrecked. oh well. It was time to get rid of all my old RA bulletin boards why I saved them I don't know. Anyway after dealing with that madness I was in full cleanup mode and I had to use it while I had the cleaning magic and clean I did. I dusted, I waxed, I vacuumed, I  hung up new pictures, I returned stuff and it was glorious. Now I am sitting here exhausted, tired, cranky and in strong desire for In and Out. I want fries! I want a dirty coke! I want a freaking hamburger. Alas its Sunday. So my double double chocolate protein bar will have to do. 

I know it was it was naughty to take a holiday from church but Jesus taught that a house in disorder leads to chaos and with the holiday fast approaching and finals I needed order in my life or else I was going to slip back into bad habits and with the availability of all things  chocolate and cookies I have the potential to make Festus grow into twins and the stretch marks I already have are killing me. 

My poor neighbors got an earful of such great songs as Holiday-Madonna, Killing Me Softly- The Fugees, Royals- Lorde (Call me King B!), and ROAR! I had the eye of the tiger indeed. Oh don't forget PAPA don't PREACH! Did I mention when I was cleaning I was singing these at the top of my lungs? Oh I didn't? Whoops. Lets just say there is a strong reason why the Mormon Tabernacle Choir has never called me back. Mainly I sound like a fat cat in heat. 

So this is where I'm going to leave you till tomorrow when I describe the joy of going to IKEA on a Friday night. Let's just say HIPSTER MORMON HELL. 

But more on that later. 

Renaldo is available. He's taking orders. He shows up in a mask and toilet bowl brush. French maid outfit extra. 

Woo.

I know I know I'm beating a dead horse but I couldn't resist. Today was one of those days in which I sprung from my bed in a un holy manner proclaiming words that would make his mother stammer. It's Tuesday and it's tacky and I hate it is more what I thought. 

Feeling more ba humbug than deck the halls at the moment. Hence the brevity of this post. I'm feeling a bit peckish since my computer has decided that after five years it was done. Not kinda done but as in Ha! I hate you and I will stop working done. Praise The Lord for various technology. 

So forgive me but writing on a I-pad is quite modern i haven't found that writers grove yet. 

The curse of Karen Carptner apparently.