Knowledge is Power

This is one of my favorite quotes of all time from one of my favorite books The Year of Magical Thinking by Joan Didion. It was one of the first books that I have read and reread that every time I read it I gain something more from it. So sparsely written yet it has so many emotional layers buried underneath. *You can tell I love this book can't you?* It's not a happy book but it's a book written of such emotional honesty that it's changed my writing forever. 

This quote above is me and how I solve problems. It's how I function. I'm a very controlled impulsive person. While I'm quite known to call up people and say prepare a bed I'm on my way! When it comes to big life decisions or problems  I read, I learn, I ask, I take notes and I drive people crazy asking them their opinions on things.  Research, Research, and when it doesn't work reread and see where the problem came from .

So when school wasn't an option this semester due to my work schedule I decided I had made too much progress in order to fall back to the fa,t sad, and frankly depressing Blake. Learning ASL for the last six months really broke through some emotional crap for me as well as triggered my brain that I really wasn't stuck in my life. That I could continue to learn, to grow, to make mistakes and to stop being terrified of life. That's what had happened. I had stopped living my life and had switched to just existing in it. Existing in life is a scary place to be because you stop caring about what you are doing, who you are becoming and where you are going. It's comfortable at first. Like sweat pants. Then it just wears at you till you are nothing but a big blob of pain and woe which makes you SO much fun at parties. 

I'm preparing for a big change here soon. I'm working on the details right now I'm in the research phase reading, writing, and preparing what I'm going to do. I'm working on change and it's going to be glorious. Bear with me.

Oh you have no idea buts it's going to be the bee's knees! 

Go to Sleep Little Babe

This is all I have wanted to do all day. You know you are a grown up when the biggest exciting thing is not to stay up late but instead go to bed early. I've never been more excited than tonight that I have stayed up till 9. I have given it my best but I shall bid adieu to the waking world till tomorrow.  I've got my heating pad, my down comforter, my fat pajamas on who could ask for anymore.

So good night! 

Prepare yourself for the Blake-o-lution. It's coming. It's called the Blake-I-lution cause I don't know rev and it's all bout me. 

Oh bed. How I missed you! 

Excuse me but can you give us 9-10 hrs to better aquatinted? Tomorrow is the day of pre rest and I want to make sure I'm prepared.

Blake-o-lution.

It's coming.

City Sidewalks

I'm a little to FA LA LA'd and HO HO HO'd out. 

I've stuffed myself and I can't move.

My fingers are too fat to type.

My thoughts are crystallized.

I've got tape in my hair and string wrapped around my clothes.

Wrapping paper exploding from all angles. 

I wouldn't have it any way. 

Right now. I'm grateful for right now. 

Huh Huh.

Right now. 

Happy isn't hard to be when all you need is family. 

That tomorrow I only have two days left of the billable year. 

Then no more mammos till 2014! 

WEE! Squeals this fat man. 

Fat hand clap of happiness. 

So yeah as you can tell I was really productive today. 

Sorry. 

I'm not sorry. 

Joyeux Noel

Here is  me Christmas Morning.

Picking Emily up at the airport. So scary! People are nuts! However my Mini kicked scored a great spot and was in and out. Bertie for the win!

The annual Ure Children Christmas shot.

Christmas morning at Grandma Dars. It's like Christmas exploded!

Then Grandpa Vern turned into Uncle Si from Duck Dynasty. 

Then this happened. Let's just say there was enough sugar to keep me going for the afternoon. Hot chocolate, mini chocolate chips, sprinkles, peppermint marshmellos and crushed candy canes. Just a few of my favorite things!

No more sprinkle containers and Greek God yogurt Tupperware containers. It's like Santa heard my plea. Sadly no replacement for Manuela the blender. Not enough time for Santa.

Now I can be Charlie from Charlie's Angels! Jawbone speakers and Beats by Dr. Dre. Commence the deafness. 

From Sushi the cat hope you had a Merry Christmas! Let's make a pact for next year and be naughty and save Santa the trip.

In the Bleak Midwinter

Y'all there has been a tragic lost in the Ure household today Manuela the beloved blender was inadvertently killed by a jawbreaker candy*. As of 9:44 pm after extensive tries with epoxy and prayers Manuela succumbed to her injuries. Jorge the mixer and Pito thank you for your extensive prayers and messages during this difficult time.

*I don't even like those big things they always destroy your tongue and the candy in the center is gross. Someone gave me one for Christmas and I had in the cabinet above the blender and it rolled out and hit the blender glass and shattered it. It came in like a wrecking ball... it may have wrecked my walls...now I'll have no way to blend at all. Look what thou has brought upon us Miley Cyrus.* 

Other than that I hope you all have a great holiday! 

I'm off to go make out with my pillow and pray that Santa brings me some relief to my good friend Mr. Visa. Cause I apparently have a hole in my kitchen appliance family. 

Manuela the blender was purchased in Sept 2005 she has lived in Merrill hall, the Apartments that shan't be mentioned, Reeder Hall, Evergreen Terrace, Astach Hall, back to Evergreen Terrace, Astach again, the bungalow, to the current swanky B pad. She has blended many festive occasions as RA vacation party, every morning with my morning shake, and had a dangerous flirty adventure making salsa. She will be missed. Donations may be made to the Manuela blender memorial fund attention Blake. Contact me for information. 

Have a safe fun holiday and may Santa bring you lots of Fat pants to make you happy! 

XO

Blake 

Children Go Where I Send Thee

This is my version of interptative dance.

It all started because I just needed a simple black frame. I got creative and made a simple print for a gift. So I went to where I buy all my frames that I need to look classy but cheap (I think I just found another way to describe myself.) IKEALAND! I call it IKEALAND for one reason alone you get lost amongst the pretty displays and then end up in the gift shop. Just like Disneyland! Except for grow ups and instead of cool toys you get furniture, and have the huge potential to get lost amongst housewares and lighting. 

I was going in with a plan. I memorized where I was going to go. I was a dedicated single warrior alone on a Friday night looking for that one frame to complete me. What nobody told me was that apparently Friday nights is Hipster Mormon family night at IKEALAND Draper. I've never seen so many beanies, skinny pants on men, greased up hair and glasses with no lenses. So much facial hair. It was like Portlandia but without the cleaver sayings and a lot more kids in reusable diapers. To be fair they may not have all been Mormon but Draper is just a hop skip and a jump away from Provo the land of minivans and righteousness. * I live in Ogden. The dark land up north. Where I carry my shank knife named kindness (thanks Anjelah Johnston for that joke)*

Anyway I dodged the discussions over the white plate veruses the beige plate and screaming child meltdowns in glass wares. Such volume. I grabbed and like a desperate weary warrior I searched for my ending in which I was rewarded with 30% off and a cinnamon roll. * Hello undeserved carbs!* 

It was when I was pulling into my parking spot an hour later when I realized I had bought the wrong size. No worries I thought. I'll just go down and exchange it. Hah. So a week went past and I began my annual trek of sharing my fat goodness through out the land. I had endured a painful session of Fat rehab and driving in a Mini Convertible in the dark on the interstate in the land of Surban Mommy Assault vehicles (aka the Surban or the Honda Odyssey) into the scary congested heartland sent cold chills down my spine. Yet it is Christmas Eve Eve and I don't have a choice. 

I came prepared in my cool hipster clothes. Okay not really more like my I've been wearing this for 13 hours I'm tired and I haven't ironed cause I'm lazy clothes. So I go in. No line at returns! Woo! Fancy furniture in which to sit even better. Then I realized it was like the DMV you had to get a number (keep in mind I'm the only person) so I do it. I stand there waiting and waiting till I smell cinnamon rolls and coffee apparently the guy behind me had been to this Rodeo before. I realized I was going to have to flirt like my life depended on it to get a return *see broke and forgot receipt* which surprisingly went well.  Again I went into the jungle of the relationship destruction. *Forget marriage consueling if you and your fiancé can navigate IKEALAND together and not go into full arguement melt down you deserve to marry each other. They should just call it you are going to yell at each other and argue over couch styles and yes you should say your sorry for not liking Puce land*

I grabbed the wrong size again. See previous paragraph with more annoyed cashier. Finally left IKEALAND a older more wise person as I drove away I realized I could have done all of this a lot cheaper if I had gone to Tar-Jay. D'ho! 

Horrors. So many horrors. Will somebody hold me?

God Rest You Merry Gentlemen

(This is an older post that I finally finished)

I'm not the most masculine man you will ever meet. I smell nice, I know how to match colors and I read People magazine. Oh. I also run the Mammography front desk. Yes. That's right I'm quite popular with women ages forty and beyond. To be fair I didn't know it was mammography when I interviewed for the job in fact my answer to the job offer was You know I was the man that was in the interview right? Oh you did? Oh and you are still offering my the job? Really? Okay well fine I start Wen?

So needless to say it's always awkward when somebody asks what I do for a living. I always feel like a stripper. I'm not ashamed of what I do. In fact it's a great job and to put it bluntly it pays my bills. However there is no easy way to slip it into a conversation. Like a stripper I'm really good with the vague answer. I've been there for the last three years so its not really a surprise to people anymore cause most people know. 

Till last Sunday. 

In the LDS church they like to know about you. If you are stranger get prepared to be asked questions about where you are from, why you are there etc. They aren't meant to be mean most people just want to genuinely want to know more about you. In one of the meetings (the Elder's quorum) with just the men I was the new guy. The fresh meat. Which is fine I'm not embarrassed to talk about myself. I've become a pro. State your age, where you live, are your visiting or not, and then I close with a statement that I'm graduated and a vague answer of where I'm  working. Sweet to the point and on with the lesson right? 

Wrong. 

Oh so wrong. 

So I wooshed through my usual spiel and I was getting ready to sit down when I hear "So tell us what you do" Oh dear. Really? I could see the desperation of the teacher's face. Obviously homie fell asleep watching Sport's Center and prepared his lesson ten minutes before church. I wasn't going to lie. I'm not ashamed. So caught I said quite simply. Oh I'm the front desk person for the Mammography department. Then homie is like what is that? 

Really? 

Really? 

During this month of Breast Cancer awareness you have no idea what a mammogram is? Well this is taking it to a new level of awkward. So I explained. Very briefly and using medical words. You would have thought I had wheeled out my stripper pole and dimmed the lights and said Woo! Free show for everyone!  

*I'm really sorry for the stripper analogy but it's the only thing I could think of that awkwardness I felt. * 

This was a room  of very fit, very masculine men, and here I was the fat kid who works in mammography. I was like Nemo. I just wanted to go home. Don't worry there's more. So after feeling super awkward and large I was finally asked the teacher when we were going to start talking about Jesus? Cause if we weren't I was going to to into random babbling stage and that's just dangerous where my brain shuts off and my mouth just keeps on talking and then my mouth gets mad at my brain and it takes forever for them to make up cause nobody likes to get their awkwardness rubbed in their faces. 

Then before I could stop myself I was like who wants a brochure? I had them in my scripture bag cause I needed one as a bookmark the other day. Surprisingly nobody took me on it.   Oh well no save the TA TA's stickers for you. Then I sat down and looked at the carpet for the rest of the class. 

So needless to say I think I won Best job award. I just don't know why nobody wouldn't look at me in the eye. Oh well. 

We don't ask people what they do anymore in Elder's Quorum. I'd like to think it was because of me. What can I say? I'm a trail blazer.