Broken and Tired

I know lately that I have sounded like a cult member with the marathon training and the spinning and who could forget that brief flirtation with Body ATTACK! (HIYA! yup. Still doing it) I've sounded like somebody who drank a little bit too much KOOL-AID at the convention. This is the nitty gritty moment that you usually see on all reality TV shows (i.e the emotional breakdown/I'm not going to be barefoot in a vineyard/ I ate the whole pint of ice cream/I slept with your best friend and I didn't tell you till we were married/moment.) so in other words I'm getting gritty and stripping off all signs off peppy and hyper.

So what did I do today?

Well I went to work. (Where I've been for the last for the last 9 days..don't ask.) and then I came home and changed into (no not my old navy fleece old navy jeans and crocs but I did think about it) my sweats and my old RA t-shirt (Simply your life! Live on Campus!) and laid on the floor and turned on my Tori Amos Under the Pink album and proceeded to do what my body really wanted. Nothing! It felt glorious! Absolutely glorious! Though I was suppose to go to spinning I don't really care.

I mean it. I don't care that today I ate a huge sandwich. I don't care that though my spinning shorts are staring at me judging me I just don't care. After the 14 mile run on Saturday I just felt off so I'm taking the day off for a personal physical and mental health day and it feels great!

I highly recommend it!

Friday

Its Friday Friday...la lal oh Rebecca Black you have now ruined Fridays for me for the rest of my life. Anyway the greatest of Friday surprises happened to me! I've lost three pounds making my big ole' self down an 11 pounds! YAY! Its nice to know I'm getting smaller!

YES!

Oh the weather outside is frightful and the TV so delightful and while I have places to go I just let it rain.

I should go run but its so wet! Let it Rain! While my house is a mess the dishes stacked so high I say so what! Let it rain! While my laundry is piled sky high so what! Let it Rain! What do you do I do? I sit here and read a good book let it rain!

So I guess you see what I've done today so far.

So what!

Let it Rain!

You've Let Yourself Go

I guess the hardest thing to do when you are in your twenties is when you are single is that you hear one of three things 1. Guy Gets Girl they get married (aka please send presents and money). 2. People get their dream jobs 3. Have you met our new addition? Aren't they cute? I'm happy for them I truly am this world is hard enough to go through and when there are moments of joy you really do feel happy for them. But when the moments have come and gone when you are all alone there's a little a little twinge of sadness thinking of the fun their going to have and you start to wonder if you yourself have let yourself go?

The years go by and still you sigh will this be the year the one? And when the chips fall and there you are still the same while others come and go you wonder have I let myself go? What happened to that slender youth I knew I fear I've grown an inch or two not up and down my joy and pride but rather side to side.

When dreaming of chasing pirates and hiding yourself in a tower or to fling all cares aside and board a ship to see the evening subside instead you find yourself alone sitting on the couch watching old TV you wonder have you let yourself go?

Between Two Lungs

Did you realize dear friends that I forgot my blogveristy? Its been two years since I've started with my first post about the wonders of double (borderline third chin) and from there I've introduced you to the my kitchen aid mixer Jorge, my horrible obsession with ice cream and Grey's Anatomy, to that awful winter, to this latest adventure of running a marathon for all my 26.2 years on earth and whatever comes with it.

For those of you who have been here from the beginning and those of you just tuning in Thank you for taking time to blogstalk me. I appreciate it. Honestly I do. The fact that you find me entertaining makes me keep on writing. But I'd still write this even it was just for me just because I find myself kinda funny but maybe that's just me.

Oh well. Here's to another two years!

30 Seconds..

This is the very brief post up date till I have more time to write a full blog post.

Ran 12.55 miles on Saturday.

Proceeded to spend rest of day on couch watching Grey's.

Sunday.

Went to a mission farewell and dinner at the parentals.

Monday.

Went to work. Ran 4 miles. Almost cried. Wait. There might have been tears. I don't really remember cause it was so windy.

Ate a little W hamburger from warrens with an order of onion rings.

Feel like a fat hippo.

More later.

Someone Like You

This is what I was thinking about today when I went running.

I have a hard time being mad at people. I just don't have the personality for it. As a writer I believe that words have such a powerful impact on a person. When we fling them around whip them up in anger they lodge themselves inside us like hidden barbs releasing unhappy feelings, self doubt and sadness in us long after the conversation. Years later they still sting fresh as the day they were thrown. But the same goes with words of Praise, Promise and Peace. I've been doing a little experiment when I wake up (sometimes at the early hour of 4 am) instead of bemoaning the state of the world and my forced awareness of the blackness that comes that early in the day I just try to say Good morning. There are some mornings where I get all worked up and punch the pillows and stuff my head underneath hoping that I can gain a few more hours of sleep and lay there staring at the ceiling forcing my limbs to move. I find those mornings I'm not the nicest of persons. My words seem grouchy mean and I say things I shouldn't.

I found this quote on Oprah's Master Class featuring Dr. Maya Angelou and since I've heard it in January I read it every day to propel me to be a better person to quote:

Try to be all you can be, the best human being you can be, try to be that in your

church, in your temple, try to be that in your classroom, do it because it is right to do

you see? People will know you and they will add you prayers they will wish you life, I

think that if your name is mentioned and people go "OH Hell or Oh Damn I think you are doing something wrong, but if your name is mentioned and people go Oh She's so

sweet , He's so nice Oh I love her oh God bless her there you are. So try to live

your life in a way that you will not regret years of useless virtue and inertia and

timidity.

I don't know if its made any difference with people but I find that my words have been more positive, my outlook more joyous and when I go huffing and puffing all over Ogden I tend to say Hello.

For the long run today I ran 12.55 miles in 2 hours and 31 minutes!

Good Life

I freely admit it. That my ipod should belong to a 14 year old middle school girl. But when you are running or ellicpticaling (is that even a word?) you've got to have music that moves you. Makes you put your hands up in the air. Kinda like a party in the USA. Or maybe I was just born that way? I always raise my glass cause I know inside of me is a firework cause I like to show people what I'm worth and I always let my colors burn.

When I went running on Wend in the rain I sure set fire to it. But when I go for a run with my ipod sometimes I feel like I have a pocket full of sunshine. But before I go I don't want you to forget about me.

But sometimes you have to go run where the streets have no name in order to find out that you belong to me. I also know that when your 15 its hard to find somebody who isn't a brick and will bring you down slowly. I know though that I have to make my own kinda music in order to great a good life for myself.

(Instead of just writing down the songs that are constant rotation on my ipod I created a little puzzle for y'all I put either lyrics or song titles in this post. If you can name all of them way to go if you are totally confused let me know I'll cue you in.)

The Morning After

(There's no meaning for this picture. I just picked one on random. Cause I can.)

Can I confess something? I'm afraid of being forgotten. I'm afraid that as I get older that I'm getting less involved in people's lives. I sometimes look at myself and go am I going transparent? Is my life on the same boring track? Are my stories stale? My biggest fear is that when enter a room or visit friends that they go Oh dear not that story or comment or whatever...again.

I'm not asking for sympathy but rather wondering what more can I bring to people's lives? How can I make them happy and glad to see me? My biggest fear is that I'll become that person who you wonder what ever happened to ole so and so? Instead of looking for ole so and so that stories become created and some how you end up dead. But you aren't really dead.

Oh well. Is this just me or do others wonder about this too?

Now for the modified Bridget Jones moment! Aren't you excited?

Seven weeks clean from Coke!

Miles amped up so now I run 4 6 4 and the big run! Which this Saturday is 12 miles! (that's only six one way and six back!)

Went to spinning. Oh my.

I do all this and still only a lousy six pound loss...oh well go with the flow eh?

Climb Every Mountain

Yesterday was the big run of my marathon training. Or as I like to call it the Oh Dear day. Cause every time I look at the calendar I go Oh dear. Yesterday's run was quite the experience.

Not every run starts out like a Nike commercial. Sure there's running but there's lot of prep that goes into it. Making sure I eat the right amount of carbs and water, make sure my ride can pick me up (hey if you were running 11 miles you want to make sure you can get to your car or house) and checking the clothes making sure that the can come off with out making people go OH MY? Is he naked? Yes I know its the parkway but still one has to be aware of the presentation you know. Do I have my shot blocks? My water? Socks on straight?

Then off I go!

After the prepwork I started running enjoying the warmth that has finally has come to the mountain valley. YAY SUNSHINE! At mile 1.30 off comes the paradox shirt. At mile 2.18 had to run into Rainbow Gardens to use the bathroom and blow my nose. Water bottle breaks. Say a of bad words but press on. Mile 7.5 reach the West Haven under bridge notice that river is flooding pathway. Can't go around. Can't go back (cause my car is at the parking lot of the Riverdale parkway) so I take off my shoes and socks and run through the river. So cold! And Wet! But must keep going! Then I slip on the hidden mud. Run barefoot for a half a mile (so my feet can dry and also I kinda wanted to try the barefoot running craze) and I finally get my shoes on thinking Oh glory I've made it half way. Then I noticed it.

The spot.

The spot that looks like I got shot.

Turns out in that little fall had a little more that a quick blam on the ground moment. Turns out I got a lovely bruise and tore off the skin of my nipple. Yes I just broke new ground here at Blake Got Fat I said Nipple. So back to the story. I'm running and getting these odd looks as I run past people and I so wanted to be like yeah run in Ogden get shot keep on going but at that point I was exhausted.

So that was my 11 mile run in whole mass of word vomit.

Yes my nipple and bruise hurt.

But at the same time next week is 12 miles so in perspective what do you do?

Spring Can Really Hang You Up The Most

Tada! This is me saying sorry about yesterday's post. Sometimes I like to compose my thoughts in a random sequence and in my mind it comes out rather odd. So I apologize. Now that's out of the way here comes my big announcement! Its really big. I tell ya you might have to move to the floor so that you don't fall off your chair. I'm serious. Move to the floor. I'll wait.Good. Are you ready?

I got a haircut!

Wait before you leave it was a rather traumatic experience. There's not a whole lot you can do to ruin my hair. Its thick and straight. The only haircut that it likes is the one from Dumb and Dumber but nobody wants to be called Lloyd now do they. The problem is I never remember what they did six weeks ago. So each time I have to start explaining to whomever I want it short not to shaggy and don't shave my sides to close cause I've got some ugly moles that I don't want to share with the world. So off comes the hair. But the worst part of the experience is the styling of the hair. I can never replicate what they do and after going through bottles of gel I just gave up but today I was feeling rather risky. Dangerous. Cause I'm cool like that at a Great Clips. So when the question came up she asked how would I like my hair styled and I being the genius I am said do something different.

She made me look like my grandpa.

Big ole' part and slicked down the sides. I looked like a fat missionary and my skinny grandpa at the same time. The worst part? Besides the inner fanatic screaming in my head going "You made me look like my grandpa! You made me look my grandpa! " is that I actually thanked her. Paid for the haircut and when I around the corner away from view I fixed my hair.

Crisis diverted.

Heartbreak

When night comes

and my world is quiet

I know you are waiting for me to make a sound.

To show myself to you.

to reveal all my secrets.

But sometimes I don't want to share.

Sometimes I keep them inside and bury them deep.

So that you can't find them.

But often they get unrooted.

Exposed.

And then what am I to say?

Here I am.

All my fat pieces.

Do with me as you may.

Walking after Midnight

I don't love donuts. They aren't my "drug" of choice. I'm rather a chocolate , ice cream, and cake (and apparently Girl Scout cookies) kinda of guy. But today at a work meeting the treat for the crowd (aka us the bored audience) were presented with red velvet cake doughnuts with cream cheese frosting. I'm not a huge fan of red velvet (unless its in the shape of an Armadillo) but as I sat there in meeting smelling the two people besides me eating their doughnuts I went nuts.

I couldn't focus. But perhaps it was just the meetings fault. I mean how exciting is goal planing for a bunch of food service employees (its not trust me). Do you know how good red velvet doughnuts smell after an hour? They don't smell disgusting I'll tell you that. So I caved dear friends. But after eating half of the dumb thing I thought to myself this isn't that great. In fact its rather dry and the frosting is the only redeeming factor for this doughnut. So I threw it away.

Yay me?

Check On It

(For those of you just tuning in this is George and Martha my running shoes)

I didn't know I had a problem. I thought I was fine. Until yesterday hit. With the lovely rain/snow storm that hit yesterday I had the perfect excuse not to do my run. I could go to the gym but with the weather it would be a stinky people filled and I wasn't in the mood. So putting on my shoes I got in my car and drove to the riverdale parkway. If you would have asked me six weeks ago if I would have gone running in the snow or rain I would have looked at you laughed and changed the subject. Hence the reason I now know I have a problem. I sacrficed feeling in my toes for running outdoors.

I think I might be able to finish this marathon after all.

What's My Name

Oh na na what's my name...

Oh na na what's my name....

I ran 11 miles today. Guess what was stuck in my head? I'll give you a guess.

Not everybody knows how to work my body..

Oh na na what's my name...

For 11 long miles I threw my hands up in the air and went

OHHHH what's my name..

Yeah. Its worse than Bieber fever.

Oh na na what's my name.

Oh Shout out to April for reaching her pre pregnancy weight!

Your just my type Ohhh...ohhh

What's my name?

I know. I know. I need help.

Born this Way

I've lost 5 pounds!

Before you think that I've lost five pounds in one day this is the amount of weight I've lost since I've started training for my life goal of doing a marathon during my 26th year. After my amazing road trip with my dear friend I gave up coke. I only have one treat day which is Saturday. I'm only allowed to have it if I've done my long run. I haven't been perfect with this I admit freely. There are some days where I cave and have a sweet here and there (i.e see the Troop Beverly Hills post). I'm not following any set diet plan. If you are a fat person trying to lose weight you've read all the books, talked to people about nutrition and you know that eating a pint of mint chocolate ice cream while great going down makes you feel like a fat hippo later.

Which leads me to the four principles in which I try to base my life.

TRUTH : I ask myself this often when I make decisions or go through an experience I ask myself is this true to who I am? Does it clarify or expose a new idea to me?

Beauty: I try to find some element of beauty every day. There is so much natural beauty in people and nature. If I find myself covered with too much ugliness of evil words or deeds from the world I try to create or find a spot beauty and make it my life better.

Freedom: I try to free myself everyday from negativity and bad thoughts. The defintion of freedom is so different for each person. But for me I am truly free when I am allowed to have room to breathe.

and most importantly...

LOVE: If you don't love yourself then what's the point. Love life. Love family. Love yourself. That's what I believe.

Anyway. Hopefully you enjoyed my Oprah moment. Tomorrow? TEN MILES!

Rolling with the Hommies

Presenting my running alter ego B-F-Uiddy yo.

Getting back to my O-town roots.