May I Have This Dance?

(For Karisa)

A Socially Awkward Adventure into A Mormon Single Adult Dance

or. What the hell Was I Thinking/High School Flash backs or Why Blake Can't Dance.

An air of perpetual horniness hung about the room. A glaring reminder in the absence of paper streamers that everyone in the gym  was a virgin. And was probably going to die as one. As I entered this Josie Grossie * (Drew Barrymore in her finest role in Never Been Kissed)  flash back I realized I was in single adult hell. I was at a single's adult weekly Friday dance. 

For all of the non Mormons in group the LDS church has created a whole special division focused on the single people from ages 18-30. With hope that we will stare at each other passionately sitting next to each other during church and covertly let our hands touch upon the hymnals  get that rather erotic feeling feel guilty and marry and have lots of babies.  Its the classic Mormon romance story. Its suppose to be what we yearn for. Hence the reason why I'm standing in this gym with this awkward feeling in my chest. The best way to describe it tight pounding in my chest, can't breathe and the most I can say is Hee. Its like being throwing back into High School with the knowledge that your life didn't change very much. Breathing deeply into my paper bag I begin to survey the room noticing all the various cliques and groupings. In the front of the DJ we have the hipster, popular pretty Mormon girls and boys (yes the majority are blonde 18 to 20 and are here for the summer from BYU or BYU I) and the returned missionaries with the partial mohawks and very tight jeans (which confuses me if they are so tight how will they make those righteous babies? Does not compute!)  or in plain high school speak they are the plastics and the jocks.

Several spaces away we have girl posse. The girl posse is a bunch of girls who dying wish is to get married they are the girls whose pinterest boards are flooded with wedding ideas and are sitting on their hope chest waiting for "Mr. Peter Priesthood". The problem with girl posse is that they clump together in one huge mass of desperation that if a girl was singled out to dance the rest of the posse would feast upon her innard like a lions on a lone gazelle. One enters at his own risk. They are however a great source for who is dating who and the stats of all the new members of the wards (they have this information stored like baseball stats.) so a visit to girl posse is worth a hello.

Moving on from girl posse is the Star Wars/Star Trek boy gang. These fellows are the functioning members of the church they do the awkward hand dancing and sway but are friendly they are what makes the church function due to their dedication they do their home teaching, they volunteer for the crappy canning shifts at the food distribution warehouse. Though they have the eternal debate going on about which is more accurate Star Wars or Stark Trek they do try. However they seem to lust after the plastic mormon girls and every time they enter the pretty mormon group they are pushed out of the dance circle with a closing of ranks. No word is ever spoken one minute they are in the circle the next they are pushed out.

On the out skirts are the mini groups of people who came to say hello be seen by the bishopric and then go get drunk at a friends house or move on to more exciting adventures. Then by the snacks lies my kindred the rather obese people whose parents drove them here and so they hurry and eat the store bought cookies and punch in quick motions in order to hide their feelings of self loathing and deep hatred for P!nk.

In the middle of these various circles rises the DJ and the bishopric who watch to make sure all of us keep that air of virginity around us. Some go as far to bring flash lights to single out those who bump and grind just a wee bit too much. A note on the DJ he is only allowed to play clean fast paced techno music, no early Madonna and nothing that mentions "Satan" (Sorry had to throw in a Dana Carvey Church Lady reference).

Karisa and I visit these various cliques saying hello since we are here to be to truly dance. Ever seen my running man? Its priceless. Karisa helps me see that though the activity comittee may try to make me feel low about myself bringing back the feeling of high school awkwardness that a dance is meant to be danced at not to be mocked viciously in my head. However there is a redeeming lesson in here somewhere in this twilight looking gym full of hormones..

More tomorrow...

An Absence of Light

There should be more light in the world.

Darkness seems to creep around us.

Gets inside our bones.

Roosts in our joints.

When the darkness falls.

When the lights fade.

Who do we become?

What do we see?

Light is created from pure energy.

It illuminates the human body on all levels.

From the cells.

To the deep wells of our emotions,

We respond to light.

But what of darkness?

What of the absence of light?

From youth we fear the darkness. The space of unknowing.

The spot of where our most sinful desires are born.

It seems the darkness of souls has come forward.

Where there was once was a white spot (white for the color created from all color) has become grey.

Grey.

The battle ground of white and black (the light and the darkness) fighting together.

Neither wining. Each diminished by the other.

I'm tired of living in grey.

I'm tired of living in the black.

I'm seeking for light.

I can't change the world.

But I can change me.

I can focus on making the world a brighter place.

Yes.

I must.

What choice do I have?

A Foggy Day

Some mornings just take your breath away.

Stars

I loved this book. I love all books but this one won my book of the summer prize. Every summer I usually have a book or series that has entertained me or enlightened me in some way. So I came up with Book of the Summer prize and I write in them how old I was why I loved the book, etc.

Past book of the summer prizes have gone to The Harry Potter series, Percy Jackson series, the The Hunger Games, and the discovery of witches, the poison wood bible, Bitter is the New Black and many others. So with great excitement comes The Fault In Ou Stars by John Green.

Sixteen year old girl with terminal cancer falls in love with a boy from therapy group. It sounds sad but it's truly funny but also makes you glad you picked it up.

It's a oh my gosh I gotta share this boo kinda book. So there ya go Book of Summer 2012.

Getting my Martha On

The last few Saturdays have been deemed Martha days. With the heat being so awful and I being so lazy in the mornings have decided that long runs shall be postponed until fall.

So instead of eating everything inside my house I decided to change and finish a few items around my house. This is when I discovered my strong love for spray paint and pretty shiny colors. I also wanted to make you feel apart of the process.

Feel free to praise me.

Ten Years Ago I Was...

Sometimes having writers block sucks because you get these great ideas and then you sit down to write them out and all that flows from my fingers is bleh. So I subscribed to a writer's group that sends out daily writing ideas to spark you into writing. For the most part I avoid them because A.I'm a snot B. Inspiration hits. C I forget what they are and get lost on random tangents. D. I just don't feel like writing. But this week one is partly inspired by Lady Antebellum's song "Dancing Away With My Heart".

The topic was Ten Years Ago I Was...

I was eighteen years old and I had just graduated from high school. When people ask me what my high school experience was like I always tell them I wanted to be EMO but I couldn't afford the clothes. Besides by the time I discovered the EMO movement it would have been really confusing to my college roommates if I ran to my room slammed the door and yelled "Nobody understands what I'm going through!" or sit there with all the chains dripping off me going "If life was so fair why do roses have thorns?" that would have been a just a little sad.

Eighteen was one of those definitive year for me. I was going through that horrible "Who am I? What am I doing with my life" Taylor Swift song lyric moments I was stuck to put it nicely. I was getting ready to go on my mission, working as an ice cream scooper (a rather common theme of my life sadly), and  I was living with my parents. All my friends were in college or off getting married,  or they just vanished (I don't know what happened to them maybe a random shark attack?).  I was to but it bluntly waiting for my life to start.

At this point you are waiting for me to make a big dramatic statement like it was the last summer of my innocence or I really grew up that summer and after my annulment  I learned that life is hard. Nope. I learned that I still liked mint chocolate ice cream, floating around in a pool reading a good book, that I don't well with out a project, and I slept a lot. 


Ten years ago I was eighteen waiting for my life to start. Ten years later my life started and I like it. 




The end. 


For now. 


Unless I feel all Taylor Swift like and write some moving country song about my innocent first love and how the semi truck ran her over flat. 


   

Happy 4th of the Luly! It's jut how we say it.

(Amy I had to steal your post title. It was too good to pass up.)


I have a new mantra. Its true. I'm not one of those people who carries one around. I collect them. Some fulfill their purpose in certain moments like Go! Diego! Go! only works for me for running long distances. Muttering it to myself at work would only invite awkward glances and the eye avoidance game. Not familiar with the eye avoidance game? Its really simple you stare at someone being awkward and then when they look at you then you glance away real fast. Try it. Super fun. Not.

Anyway back to the life mantra in which I have discovered here it is

" I am not the only one failing to live up to my ludicrous expectations of myself; we all are. So maybe we should all just relax."- Lisa Wolfe writer (Words to Live by O magazine 86)

Lisa has it all figured out. To mean this means it is time for me to delete the unrealistic pintrest boards of the perfect body, toss out the runner's world articles on how to drop my running time, burn the recipe card of time consuming and expensive recipes I'll never try, and to be okay with wee bit of clutter (oh lets be honest its more like Blake the pre hoarder years around here) and the clothes that I bought but secretly hate.

In my mind I thought if I consumed all and created this perfect person in my mind and that some how live up to the perfect person ideal I created inside of my head. I refuse now to berate myself for enjoying a moment on my couch. I worked damn hard for the couch and I'm going to enjoy it. If I on my runs find myself short a mile and I've given it all I'm not going to get all flustered cause I ran 9 miles instead of ten. I will enjoy the time that I spend with friends instead of focusing on the dumb phone call that I didn't get to at work. When I'm at church I will no longer let those who missionary experiences/ dating/ look at me I'm the perfect Mormon instead I shall tell the person he's dating that he has herpes. I won't. But I'll think it and laugh a little.

In this spirit of the independence of our country I'm declaring mine. I am from now on focusing on the life of Liberty,Life, and the pursuit of happiness. My happiness coming from what I have accomplished not my "If Only's". If somebody tries to rob me of my happiness, belittle me  or just be a meanie head I shall call them out on it and then say thank you for your opinion and the committee and I shall take it under consideration (I being the committee of course) and get back to you. Then 5 seconds later come back and say the judges and I voted and your mean comment shall not get a rose, shall not be the next top model, but it does qualify you to be a biggest loser and I don't mean weight.

I'd rather spend my life grateful for the things that has given me. When I forget what I have been given I shall take my notebook out and write my blessings and beside it write Thank God. Every time I think that what I have is my own creation I shall try to humble myself and go no wait. Wait a minute all my talents belong to the one created me. I am constantly humbled that God who created the world also created me. If I ever forget this I hope he humbles me enough for me to remember it.

In essence I'm going to try to LIVE my life instead of enduring it. I'm going to paint with all the colors of the wind dang it!


So I'm declaring my independence. Hope you will join me!