Hey Sista Soul..

(No pic today. Just rest your mind and read my words.)

I just had the best moment.

The truly best.

I am at work and realized I don't have to work for the first weekend of my existance since May.

Can I just get a whoo hoo?

Or perhaps a Yippe?

As my friend Justin says "Yay from the single person in the audience."

I am glad.

Now off to Target.

This was one of the dumbest post I have ever done.

IF you had any form of kindness you would move on and read something with more literary value. Apparently I am getting something bad karma in my direction. Sorry skinny people!

Hate On Me

(This is what happens when you eat too much sugar. Just a Warning)

I am declaring a strike. For Fat people everywhere. We are going to stick it to all the skinny people. Make them wear fat suits and see how fast they can jog up the stairs. When I started this rant I really wanted skinny people to understand what it is like to be rather large and in charge but then I realized something.

I want the skinny people to just shut up.

Have you ever heard them talking? Its all about how much they can lift, where they worked out, how they feel fat for eating two M&Ms. Then they stare at you like "well if we can do it whats the matter with you?"

I'm going to start intruding into those conversations. With comments like I ate four Almond Joys watched the Biggest Loser and passed out. Lets see you do that skinny bean.

So strike today!

We can do it!

No Air No Air

(See New Pictures! A FAT one but lets not make fun of the working migrant worker shall we?)

Now an apology from our sponsors:

So my post earlier was just a little off. Sorry bout that. I love my patriotism and often I get so excited about that I often sound a little judgmental.

We return to our regular scheduled programing.

I.E ME.

A couple of months ago I wrote about my evil alter ego Drake and how he came in and ravaged my body for a couple of days. I know realize that Drake wasn't just visiting. Oh no dear readers. He moved in for good.

Or for the Star Wars Fans.

I embraced the dark side. To be honest embraced is the wrong word. I attacked the mother chicken like a hot roll slathered in butter on Thanksgiving. I've drank my dark sinful coca cola, I ve slurped my way through ice cream cones, and I have drank enough slurpees to make realize that covering your hands in day glow markers does not make the time go faster but rather gives you odd looks from people.

Did any of it make me happy?

NOPE.

In fact it made me bitter. Cause I realized something. Skinny pretty people have a language that they use when they talk at each other. Its like a high frequency that they can just stare at each other and go yup. I am pretty. And they judge us fat people. Knowing that if we were ever stuck in a Donner party situation their marathon/triathlon training could catch us and serve us up to have enough for a four course dinner party. But back to staring and pretty people staring at each us fat people. Cause I am not on of the group.

And I right now am not pretty.

No.

I'm FAT!

Not just kinda fat.

But the FAT where you realize that your fat pants are too snug!

Oh dear.

Case in point. Yesterday I was on the OBGYN floor and realized that my stomach was the same size as most of these women in their nine months of carrying their bundle of joy. My stomach wins. Only I can't blame it on baby.

Just almond Joys. And Mint Chocolate Chip Ice cream. And Slurpees. And stress.

A brief preview of tomorrow's post:

Oh fat people of the world lets unite for one day shall we?

Lets strike.

Lets throw things at the pretty people and make them wear fat suits just to see how it feels.

But anyway. More on that tomorrow.

I'm Just a Bill...

Did you go vote today?

I did.

Why?

Because I like to ability to complain about the people that were elected into office. I can praise or say whoa Nelly! About what they do in office. Because I know I am the one who voted them in.

Cause if you didn't vote then you don't the get the choice to say anything.

Voting is painless. ID sign hit the button and your done. While you stand in line you can talk to your neighbors. Or Friends. Or make new friends.

It all depends on you.

(I'm getting off my soapbox now.)

As Long As You Need Me..

Just a little preview of what is coming.

Despite all the prayers.

and begging from the civic.

To be upgraded to something with four wheel drive.

Or perhaps its the driver who is doing the begging?

Who knows?

Did you realize we are entering the fat season?

Lets talk candy. Turkey. And whatever you do for the Chrismakkuah season.

Oh my poor fat pants.

They are already stuffed to the brim.

Lets get fat together shall we?

Whoops...

Have you had a nice October?

I have.

Lets catch up shall we?

All I did was work. work. work. Work.I worked so much I tried writing a song about it.

Did I mention I worked?

I worked so much I didn't get to go outside and see the fall leaves.

Or sit by the window and read a good book with a nice hot mug of candy cane hot chocolate. (Not spiked despite present rumors.)

I moved back in to my childhood home. Which was something I vowed I would never do but lets face it. I vowed not to drive a mini van, listen to Beyonce or watch Glee and I have caved on all of those so what's one more on the list?

My wallet decided that we couldn't be friends anymore and vanished with my whole pay check from Farr's. Cause a certain individual doesn't make mistakes. Yeah right buddy. Me you and at the church parking lot 3 pm. Oh well. Do over for my driver's license picture!

I'm going to South Carolina in two weeks.

And I promise I am going to update too.

Thanks for checking in.

Missed ya.

B

I work till I Ache in My Bones...

Sorry.

Its been a while.

Been quite busy. With the fall temperatures thinking its still summer things have been busy scooping away.

Plus that Swine flu. Keeps things busy.

I have been so tired.

But more tomorrow.

Just letting you know that I am back.

Missed you all.

(Thanks Jackie for reminding me to post!)