Sunday, April 29, 2012

No Light No Light

I totally took the weekend off. It was glorious. 

I know. Your all jealous.

Its okay. Cause in a few sentences I will make you feel better about yourself I promise. 

This is one of those post that you will read and either hurry and call my mother and report that one of the Mormon Mafia's children has gone rouge. Or you will look at me and go well that make sense . Hopefully you will just go alright. The fat kid really does have layers and working through stuff. 

Here it goes. 

I'm a terrible Mormon. 

Yes along with my food addiction I'm also terrible in my religion. Now don't get me wrong I haven't killed anybody (that you know of) or committed any serious crimes worthy of police intervention. No my crimes lie in another direction. Let me present to you my seven deadly sins. 

First sin that I committed: I love Mocha Chillers and Java Chip Frappicinos. This has been well established. Yes I get them with the coffee. Now granted I probably shouldn't drink them walking into a F.H.E activity or into For all of the non members in the group this is a group activity planned by the overly perky non caffeinated young single people every Monday that is planned so that we will pair off date for three days and get married and make lots of babies. The Church kinda looks down on Coffee, Tea, and Alcohol consumption based on the belief in doctrine called  the word of wisdom that is suppose to make us strong and happy folk. I know they are full of calories but dang it once a week (oh who am I kidding three days a week) I indulge in the chocolately coffee goodness that is a mocha chiller with a shot of peppermint. It makes me happy and since they have banned smoking at my desk its sometimes the only way I get through a work day. 

Sin number two:
I swear. Yes. I use somewhat naughty language. Now this isn't as bad as sin number one but it bares repeating. Sometimes I just have to use the word Hell and Damn. I only use the heavy hitter words once in a blue moon mainly when I've hurt myself so badly that I can't move. See falling in pot hole during race. This is one sin that I actually feel bad about and I've been trying to work on. I try not to swear in front of others. Yet some days I fail miserably. I'm so damn sorry. I try really. Hell. I mean dang. I mean shoot. Ah heck lets just move on shall we? 

Sin number three:
I actually let my friends and family who aren't members of the church keep their faith and don't shove mine down their throats. I'm more of a pacifist in the recruitment department. I've got mine and you've got yours. I'm a scholar in this life journey. I don't have all the answers and I love to learn. Some of the best conversations I've ever had is asking questions from my friends of other faiths. They help me develop my own. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm willing to share my ideas if you are willing to share yours and learn from each other and not tear each other down shall we? 

Sin number four: 
I don't believe in everything the church does. Shocking I know. I have a hard time with the whole gay stance the church has taken lately. I don't believe in creating witch hunts in things that is frankly none of the church's business. So what if two gay people want to get married? I say more power to them. Its none of my business and I believe its none of the LDS churches business. Why can't we focus on helping our fellow man and working on ourselves be the best we can be? The last I checked Jesus said love everybody but maybe I'm wrong? 

Sin number five: 
I'm waiting to get married. In fact I might not get married till I'm 30 or later! So when you ask me why I'm not married yet I'm going to tell you that I'm lucky. Cause I will have lived my life a little bit. That there are adventures that I want to go on before I reproduce and get stuck to a mortgage payment. I live a lone and I like it. I go where I like and I do what I please. Why is that a crime? If your married and have reproduced congrats to you. I'm glad for you I am. Truly. However this doesn't mean I'm lonely. I've got great friends. I'm not opposed but I'm taking my time and I'm doing just fine. 

Sin number six: 
I don't like Mitt Romney. Or as I like to call him Mittens. There I said it! *Please note this is in no way shape or form a personal dig at anyone person's political belief. We all are allowed to vote for who we believe in who will do the best job. I don't think he is the answer. Sorry.

Sin number seven: 
I'm an environmentalist. I don't believe that everything was placed here to be used till its built up, used up and destroyed. Sorry. I believe in open space, clean air and water. So if I wear chaco's and I believe in preserving what we have and be good stewards of the earth then this is a sin that I don't ever feel like repenting from. 

So there you have it. Why I'm a terrible Mormon. However in my defense I do like my faith. Its like a marriage some days you like each other and other days you can't stand each other. Yet we get a long. The overall point of this post is to share with you that I'm a quirky individual who may sneak away from Church early get a java chip frappicino and go lay out on his lawn and enjoy the sunshine, who might voice an opinion that is contrary to what should be the standard Mormon answer. I'm human. I'm me. I just want you to know that. So when you judge me before you know me I can point to these seven sins and say here are just a few of my faults. 

Lets still stay friends shall we? 

Friday, April 27, 2012

Tuesday, April 24, 2012

I Feel the Blues Moving In

I'm too lazy today for a picture. 
(I warn you this is a random boring post.)

Wait scratch that. Picture a pink hippo. Tied to a yellow string. The hippo is wearing white and red polka dotted dress. The string is attached to a post. Got it? Good. Now can you tell me what that means about my inner psyche? 

Today I wanted to stand on top of my desk and scream like a four year old. I wanted to kick my feet up and down and shake my head and cry my head off. I know it was only Tuesday but cabin fever came in and grabbed me by the bones and said You get us outside now! My brain protested as well if I hear the word mameogram or watch another old woman throw a fit because she has to get her information verified it I shall lose it and you will be a mass of ugly my friend! A mass ugly. 

To make that last paragraph make sense it was really hard day today at work. The weather was so nice and so hard to be trapped! Trapped I tell like an animal in cage. The things I do for money I tell you. Short of working the street corner this is what I must do in order to survive. 

If anybody wants to host a slighty fat 27 year old this weekend I'd love to get away. 


A completely random ending to a completely crappy post. 

I"m sorry? 

Sunday, April 22, 2012

Didn't you know?

It was a  beautiful race. 

The Salt Lake City Half Marathon was definitely and experience. When you have such an awesome sister as I do it makes racing a lot more fun. The princess made the race so fun for me. We got to take a taxi to the start which was awesome cause then we didn't have to do the whole awkward where do we park where is the start do you have your car keys etc dance. This picture was taken about 15 minutes before the race started when I race I don't get pretty. In fact I look pretty awkward. I have my Garmin, my road id bracelet (just in case I get hit by a jazzy) my head phones, my sunglasses and the lovely stomach accentuator (its like a wonder bra for your stomach it causes all the fat to be pushed up.) and as always messy hair and a smile! 

Races make me nervous at the start. Being hearing impaired I don't run with my hearing aids (too much sweat drips into them and I've got squealing and popping so not fun.) and I'm always worried they are going to announce something extremely important that I'm going to miss. So it was nice to have her by my side for a few minutes. When it was really close to start she went up to the fast people area and I headed back to the beef trust. Which if you don't thrust out your elbows you end up getting squashed by the breast cancer warrior group (I know! I thought it was rude they didn't ask me to be a part either!). As more and more people lined up it started feeling like they were herding cattle. They had both the marathon and half marathon people start at the same time which made things a little awkward. 

So when the they said go all the sudden you see all these little heads bobbing people trying to get their Garmins and ipods started and move! I being the genius forgot to turn mine on till after the first mile so pretty  much it was good for was telling me my pace time. Which was kinda nice. I normally try to go as slow as I can at starts so I can get out of the swarm of people. The first mile I was starting to get a panic attack with people everywhere I couldn't find my running grove. But it was okay. Then my ipod got its race day magic and Madonna came on and I knew that everything was going to be okay. I also put on my sunglasses and had to lie to my brain and be like these are magic sunglasses! They block out the people. They can't see you. You are now invisible. Run with abandon! (Yes my brain sometimes acts like its 5 years old.) 

Since I signed up for this race on Wen. I didn't have time to obsess over the course and memorize it so I just had to go with flow. I was a fat Dorothy on my way to see the finish line. It was fun! It was a gradual downhill and we ran through so many different little neighborhoods and areas it was fun to see all the people come out and support the runners. As we got further down they started having time clocks telling you how long you have been running when I was at mile 6(? it all gets hazy) I saw I had been running for 1:18 minutes and I realized that while I was almost half way the Princess was almost done. (I know. Life is so unfair.) 

At mile 11 the course drops you on State street and they were doing road construction and then all the sudden the race went crazy! Lights police! Cars rushing down the road and this homeless man (if he wasn't homeless he wasn't dressed to his best that's for sure) was in the middle of the race and he wouldn't move! They were trying to get the runners to clear a way for the marathon first place runner (No. It wasn't me but it was nice to pretend for a moment.) and I fell and heard a really loud pop! And shooting pain in my ankle. Oh did I mention I fell too? I've got a lovely bruise now too. Thanks Homeless old man! You really made my race. 

So I had to walk for a while. Crying but texting at the same time. Why? Cause why not multi task. Give the photographers something to focus on for a minute. 

Running down south temple was nice. 

One more complaint and I can put this opus to bed. As I was running down the finishing chute (HA! Another  cattle reference!) the guy next to me starts doing cartwheels. Really Popeye? Cart wheels?! And his form was terrible! What made it worse it wasn't a former fat person like me finishing it was supper skinny man! Jerk. 

But it was so nice to finish! I finished at 2:31 even. Which makes it more awesome is that I finished at 2:41 at Santa Cruz so a nice 9 minute drop. The Princess? Oh she took 5th over all and took first for the Amateur division. She finished at 1:25 and PR'd! I'm so proud of her! 

More tomorrow. 


Friday, April 20, 2012


I've been a bad bad boy.

Oh yesterday I did things that I'm not very proud of. Acts that would make any dieter gasp in horror at the sins that I have committed against myself. I need to cleanse my soul of the massive amount sugary paste and carbs that were consumed yesterday. So so many carbs gave their life yesterday. So so many. It was one of those hang your head down in shame kinda of days.

To begin this tell of epic tell of woe it all started with the intent to go to yoga. On a Thurs. morning. At 10 am. On my day off. I figured it would be good stretching for the race and to do some light exercise (some might say light exercise would include cleaning but I don't use that dirty word.) yet when I awoke at 10:00 am I simply looked at the clock, looked at the window (which really KSL weather? It has not been "nice" at all this week.) and decided that I was going to treat myself to a day in bed. Well not the whole day but have a lazy morning.

After reading the paper and my book and dozing I went to lunch with my grandma and the momma Joye. So we went to Tony's. Cause that's where I go when I need to carbo load. Good ole' Tony's. This is where I did things that I'm not proud of. I ordered my usual rigatoni dinner and it was wonderful. Gloriously wonderful white pasta. With bread. I don't remember much but when I was done I know I had a serious headache.

Sweet carbs. Apparently you know how to sucker punch a guy.

But it doesn't end there.

Oh no dear friends it goes on.

Later after coming home and moaning for an hour I went to Roosters to meet some friends for a baby shower. Instead of saying I've already eaten my weight in carbs today and I shall have a water and that's all I had the pear gongrozla (let's just call it the fancy cheese name that I can't say spell or pronounce. I had to point to it on the menu and go that one!) which was awesome but just added to the whole I feel like the good year blimp feeling.

This could be the part where I told you I went walking, or I stretched, or stapled my mouth shut but no. No I did not. I went to see the married people and they had lots and lots of candy. Oh sweet blessed Reese's eggs, peanut butter M&M's, sour patch water melons, watermelon taffy and cotton candy taffy that was Blue! Blue I tell you! (I can't say no to blue food however that's a whole other blog post.) and they were there all shiny and new and I my tongue was like a virgin that had been touched by sugar for the very first time.

(all together now Like a virgin! Touched for the very first time! When your heart beat next to mine... like a virgin..yes. I've totally gone to the Madonna zone. I'm sorry.)

So now it is almost 9 o clock in the morning and I feel bloated, caramelized, and my head hurts. I can't believe I used to think this was an okay feeling all the time. No wonder I became a brick house.

This is why I hate the Nutcracker. It gives you unrealistic expectations on what sugar can do for you. I realize this is a totally random way to end a blog post but its true. Its all the Nutcracker's fault.

Thursday, April 19, 2012

Look At This Stuff Isn't Neat?

Pretty shiny medals and bibs!

Yesterday I was attacked by the sugar demon. I wanted sugar. Lots and lots of sugar. And Pancakes. With syrup. Lots of syrup. With Sprinkles and whipped cream. Ice cream, brownies you name it. I knew when I was nuts when I started fantasizing what I would do for for Necco wafers. Which I don't even like. I was ready to open up sugar packets and do a really bad impersonation of Al Pacino in Scarface. *I've never seen it I've just "heard" a lot about it. I swear.

Oh it was a hard day.

Yet I surprised myself when I came home I changed my clothes and went for a run. Instead of giving into the temptations of just lounging around and eating carbs I was running on Harrison before I realized what I had done. What a difference three months makes. That and I have a race on Saturday where I'm hoping to get another medal to add to my beautiful shiny collection. I'm not totally nuts I don't wear them everywhere. Just to special occasions like church and work and possibly a co workers wedding but that's pushing it just a bit.

Don't worry. I'm perfect. This morning just to scare myself I did the truffle shuffle. Yup. Still the truffle shuffle king. (You tube it.)

So there's that.

Wednesday, April 18, 2012

Back to December

I realize that my sunglasses in this picture makes me look like I'm wearing a demented tiara but its a good picture and I'm going to post it up anyway cause I'm cool with that.

Did I tell you how excited I am for this weekend?


Would like me to tell you why?

I'm running the Salt Lake Half Marathon with my ultra cool 12th in the world Ironman sister. Well more like I will see her at the start and the finish but still I get to run a race with my sister! What makes me so happy to do this is that she really made me look at myself in different viewpoint back in December when I was at my biggest loser weight. She's such a great source of information about races but she's humble about it. She's so upbeat when people tell her they are doing races and what they should do. I really think she should go into being a coach for people to do races and things or write a book.

Also back in December (what am I Taylor Swift I've said that line three times in this post geez. Time for new music on the i-pod!) I didn't think I would ever really run again. I was so fat and so down just feeling like Jabba the Hut (Bring me Solo. Sorry couldn't resist.) . That I honestly thought I had peaked. Apparently I just needed to go through my valley of fatness.

I'm learning that as a food addict there is never going to be a day where I will wake up and not struggle with making the right decisions in regards to food and exercise but I have to tell myself that its better to make the right choices and feel better than it is to feel stuffed and bloated. Feelings I've learned are better if you don't reward yourself with food for them. I'm not a dog. Also when I go hog wild I've learned to tone it down somewhere else. I'm finding the balance of me and who I am.

So if you aren't doing anything and you like you know have time or something and you want to see the Ure kids running come to Salt Lake and watch us. I promise it will be entertaining. You might want to come watch. Or even better sign up for it! Ends at midnight tonight to register!

Or if you are more Ogden local come watch us in the Ogden Half/Marathon. We will be there too!

Cause we are cool like that.

Monday, April 16, 2012

The Devil On My Back

Oh what a day I had today! Work running dieting! It all so much! All I want to do is drown my sorrows in a bread basket. Or a banana split. However I cannot. A I'm broke and B I don't want to wake up in the morning feeling guilty.
Some days are just harder than others you know. It all used to be so simple . What tv show was I going to watch? What pint of ice cream was going to undo the stress of work. However there was that whole issue of sweating while I ate. That wasn't so fun. Plus all the pants I exploded out of that was embarrassing. Guess things aren't that hard after all.

This is me dealing with the horrors of it all.

Sunday, April 15, 2012


So this is the graphical view of the 31 pound weight loss. I like to think of it as a long slide that I'm dropping myself down as I continue to learn and grow about myself. I've decided that I want to get back to my weight I was last summer of 200 or 215 pounds. I'm leaning towards 200. I can do it. The goal of reaching my birth weight is little unattainable. 6 pounds 22 ozs is just a little hard to do.

Saturday, April 14, 2012

My Heart Will Go On

Draw me like one of your French Girls is the title of this photo. This is me trapped on the couch after running 10.5 miles today in 2 hours which is a new first for me. Now to get up and try to find some food in this empty house of mine.

Post edit.

So I finally made it to the store. In which I was stuck behind a Miranda Priestly* wanna be. Seriously lady? It's Smiths not Whole Foods. I can wear sweats and an old USU game shirt at 8:30 on a Saturday night its what people do when they am out of food and have no other plans. Since walking is now an activity that I am no longer proficient at it I was moving rather slow and I swear I heard her go "By all means move at a glacial pace. You know how that thrills me". Oh. No. She Didn't.

Did I mention she was buying all healthy organic products?


Cause she was.

But now buried underneath her mountain of spinach? Is three huge bags of mini cadbury eggs.

Won't that be a lovely surprise for her at the checkout counter.

Your welcome lady!

*Miranda Priestly is the character Meryl Streep plays in the Devils Wears Prada. FYI.

Friday, April 13, 2012

I Feel Pretty

I feel pretty. Oh so pretty.

Oh so pretty and witty!

My mother hates these photos. I call them I have to go running but I really don't want to because I ate a lot of crap and I kinda like eating a lot crap but I don't like be fat pictures. I know. Y'all are wondering how I maintain such a high level of handsomness while running and I tell your it's not easy. Its a lot of work to sleep as hard as I do and then wake up and go. What can I say its those great genes I was blessed with.

I feel that these are great pictures to upload on my profile. The ad would read Single White male looking for eternal companion. Hobbies include washing his my little ponies hair, sticking fingers in electrical sockets and having strong intellectual discussions on whether or not Mitt Romney's real name is Mittens. ( I secretly hope it is).

Hope these photos bring some joy into your life.

Have a great Friday!

Tuesday, April 10, 2012

Be the Life of the Party?

This is how I know I'm succeeding. This is the ring I got for myself during a really really hard time in my life it says "To Thine Own Self Be True" from Hamlet. I was also at my skinniest moment when I bought it. I can't wear it when I'm in my "Oh Dear Gracious What Have You Done to Yourself" pants. But when it fits I wear it all the time.

It reminds me that I'm not naturally a fat person. That I can handle being skinnier. When I get too fat for this ring I know I've lost my way a little bit and its time to get back to skinner self.

With that I have a question for the masses. There is a race that I really want to do . Its the Disney Marathon at Walt Disney World. Its called the Goofy Challenge where you run a half marathon on Saturday and then you run a full marathon on Sunday. What do you think? Should I do it? Or should I wait for a bit?

Feel free to express your opinion. I'd value the input.

Saturday, April 7, 2012

Somedays You Just Can't Make It On Your Own

Um Hi.

I know. I know . Where the Hell have I been?! Well I kinda decided to go live my life for a little bit. The month of March I spent most of it under a terrible illness. I mean a real bad nasty take everything I had to make it illness. You know its bad when you start seeing dead relatives at work and you loudly proclaim "I see dead people!" to no one in particular. Yeah that was fun. Then it became the illness that killed my appetite. I didn't eat for three days and I must say in all honesty that it was wonderful I didn't have to figure out what to cook, clean dishes, or go to the grocery store and I lost 5 pounds!

Then on top of that I decided to go run a half marathon in Santa Cruz California. Cause you know what sounds like a truly inspirational story boy gets weird illness and run three weeks later! Its a miracle no proclaims ever. What I learned from that wonderful experience is A. Neveda is the ugliest state ever. B. My version of Grease is amazing and I wish I would have captured it on video. Truly Oscar and Grammy material. C. 10 hours in the car by myself makes me really loopy and strangely afraid of the car. D. I had to break up with Adele. I love her but there is only so much of Someone Like You that a person can take before they go for the love of everything either get back together with the bloke or eat a pint of ice cream! move on girl! (Still love her but she had to go to the box. i.e. the box of things I hide in my apartment that I still want but have truly annoyed me to death. Yes. I realize that is a hording technique but lets dwell on that later shall we?) now on to the exciting news.

Since that awful terrible horrible no good morning when I stepped on the scale and qualified to be a Biggest Loser contestant I've lost 32 pounds! Yay! Says the singular person in the audience. So hopefully by my birthday I'll be back at 215 the weight I was before I ate all my feelings.

But that's not really the exciting part of this post.

I'm writing a book.

Yeah Blake got Fat in a super sized edition.

I don't have a book deal but I am working on a outline to send to literary agents. Cause its time.

Yeah. So that's where I've been. I'm not dead. Or am I?