Fallen

There are three things I've learned to today.

First: Running 20 miles is hard.

Second: Bike riders can be mean.

Third: I may actually like chocolate milk.

The third one is the one that surprised me the most though it could be due to the fact I'm not really coherent.

Breakable

Dear Readers,

(This is a letter to you in my gratitude for you this week. Its rather sentimental and sappy so if you prefer to read my more humors items check back later today for after I complete my run.)

You don't get to chose your family. Who you were assigned to in your family unit is pretty much who you will be related to your entire life. Whether or not you like them or love them is a person's choice but you share genetic matter and suffered the same wonderful and terrible experiences.

However friendships are something different. Here are people that you choose to interact with. They are people who teach you things or expose your perspective to another thought or idea. Or they are the people you call up in the middle of the night and say I just have to tell you something...and instead of hanging up on you they will talk to you till 3 am and tell you that the world is lucky to have you. You never know when you will find a new friend.

I may not have a lot of friends but I am very grateful for the ones that I have. (BTW if you are reading this I consider you a friend even if I haven't met you yet.) I made some new friends a little while ago. Years ago I made the best decision of my life when I chose to be friends with the married people. They have helped me rise above and be who I was meant to be because they are well to put it plainly my friends. How lucky was I when they introduced me to the Whipples. Yes that's their name. Raymond and Nicole are truly wonderful people. They are slightly irreverent, humorous and joyous people. They truly love each other. They give themselves to others. What I mean is that they give their time, their resources, their love to others. Its a trait I value in others above all. If you can put yourself second and give yourself you are truly a gift to others.

Sadly the Whips (yes that's my nickname for them) who are wonderful people are not above loss and pain. They would love nothing more to be parents. However they suffered a great loss this week. For years they have tried to get pregnant. A few weeks ago they found out they were above all pregnant! Sadly this pregnancy wasn't meant to be. I wanted to share this story with you because I don't bake, I'm terrible at birthdays but I can write a few sentences to say that they have impacted me for the better made me grateful for their friendship.

I pray for them in this odd spring that life will start for them. For above all they deserve to share that love that they have shared with me to others and pass it on to the next generation. So today as I prepare on this cold and snowy day to run 20 miles I will send a prayer with every step in gratitude to them and to you dear friends. For it is you who keep me going.

May you keep warm today.

Blake

Cross Yourself

I have a little problem. I was wondering why I was starting to see the numbers jump up on the scale. I didn't get it! I was running, watching what I ate and drank water all the things you were suppose to do but yet there was a lingering weight stuck. Well I figured out what was causing it. Apparently instead of buying my favorite sugar free 60 calorie chocolate vanilla pudding (put in a little dark chocolate mini chocolate chips and some sprinkles and sometimes its the best part of my day) I bought the regular 140 calorie chocolate vanilla pudding. No wonder I was so happy to see it every day.

So let this be a warning to you. Check your labels!

(I found the pudding image here http://www.livinglowcal.com/images/grocery_items/KRAFT_JelloSugarfreeChocolate_60.jpg)

When The Sun Goes Down

Ever blessing has a cost I've learned. When you ask for change in your life you cannot request or control what you get. What's hard about blessings is that they push you out of your comfort zone. Every May I believe in changing my life. I don't know if it stems from living on campus for four years and having to move out the last day of finals or if it just comes from the transition from winter to spring.

I've been given three roads of choice lately. Each has a positive outcome and each has their own pluses and minuses. So to put it bluntly I'm just a bit run down but I'm OK. Cause I have to make a choice. Here's the 411. I've been offered the chance to return back up to Logan and essentially pick up my life that I moved on from two years ago. Or do I stay here and try this prn job at the hospital?

The only thing I know for sure right now is that I have to run. I have my marathon. That is consistent. What I want from the future? I want to be challenged by my job. I want to feel like I've made a difference to others and I want a new car. The Honda deserves to die. It would be the most humane thing to do.

So if anybody has any clear advice please comment. I'm at at the point where I want to break out my dart board and throw darts at the chart of my life and see what happens. What? That's how I ended up at USU. So now off to run 8 miles in this "warm" weather.

Where Are Destinations Lie

A few weeks ago a dear friend of mine passed away due to suicide. He had been battling depression for a very long time and he had a rough couple of months and in the note which he emailed to us he wrote "I wish I had made an impact on people's lives". Which I wish I would have told him how his laughter and focus to others had taught me so much when I was an R.A.

After running the other day my ipod ran out of battery. Which meant I had a whole lot of free time in my head to think (which is a very dangerous pastime) and so I started my power 26 program. Instead of thinking about how people had made an impact on me I figured why not tell them? Since I'm rather awkward speaking sometimes I figured why not just write a letter? So I wrote 26 letters to those whose lives have impacted mine for the better. Now I haven't mailed them all out yet. I've been rather lazy. But what I learned is that when you think you are alone you really aren't. All you have to do is think of the things, the people, the lives of people you love and suddenly its not so bad anymore.

So in less dramatic news I ran 18.11 miles on Saturday. Which I still can't believe I did it. It was fun up till mile 17 and then it felt those old cartoons where out of no where a wall appears and the coyote runs into it. So the last mile was rather a long and painful stroll. However if I had been smarter I would have not seen the new Arthur so late. (BTW? I liked it. Not as good as the Dudley Moore version but it did the job of entertaining me.) Working at 5:30 am and then off to run doesn't bode well I've learned.

Oh well. This is my last week of the long runs before the marathon. 20 miles and then it drops down till May 21st. I I so excited! No really I am!

Big Yellow Taxi

Happy Earth Day!

It's earth day y'all show the earth some love by being a little friendly. Recycle a little more today, walk if you can (hence how I get so tan.) and turn off the lights when you leave a room. Take a brisker shower. Run the dishwasher full instead of half empty. Go wear something green. It's earth day!

Be outside.

I've got more to say but it hasn't quite cooled down to the consistency in which I can talk about it. All I can say is that it involves a skinny cow ice cream bar, a frozen pizza and a fuzzy white bathrobe and whole lot of grown up decisions.

Which I can't seem to make right now.

So check in again.

Its 29 days till the marathon! AHH!

I Love A Piano

I wish that I could play the piano. I never had any musical instruction. With a deaf kid I imagine my parents were thinking of their poor ears. Which is perfectly justified. Although on a such a wet and dreary day like today I so wish I could play the piano and sing those deep afflicted blues. However I know I can't sing. Case in point one time I was singing my little heart out in the shower one Saturday morning when the roommates were away I think it was around Christmas. When I got out they all were outside the door and one politely but firmly said Don't do that again.

Which I ever the smart ass said what?

Shower?

See? I thought it was fitting for today and the awfully dry weather we are getting lately.

Post update.

So after the weather cleared up for just a moment it turned out to be the prettiest day. Although I think my house is haunted. All my family pictures just keep on falling over or breaking. Thank goodness they were ikea frames easy to replace but still. Something creepy moved into my apartment. Maybe its time I start singing in the shower again?

Blame it On the Weatherman

Maybe its the weather but I'm feeling rather confessional today. Blame it on the weather? I don't know if I've ever told anybody this but I'm a sprinkle olic. You know those little wax multi colored toppings that kids get on their ice cream? Yeah those are the ones. I have them in my ice cream, my yogurt, pudding and pretty much anything that you can put them on. I love them.

Second Confession. The more childlike the flavor the more I love it. When it comes to ice cream when I go to Coldstone I love love! their cotton candy ice cream with yup you guessed sprinkles gummy bears and mini chocolate chips. Or if its my alma matter Farr Better Ice Cream's playdough or bubble gum (I have to bring my own sprinkles they don't have any). I love blue raspberry slurpees or slush puppies. Blue cotton candy.

Third Confession. I've mentioned this before but it bears repeating. As I put new music on my ipod I find myself returning to the favorites of my childhood. Wilson's Phillips Hold On, Dido's Life for Rent, Spice Girls (don't judge. When I'm at mile 9 I need Yo tell me what want, I really want to zigga zigga ah..) and all other manners of 90's and late 80's pop. There is always room on my ipod for late 80's Madonna. Or another guilty pleasure The Chipmunk Adventure soundtrack. Yes. I still have all the words memorized.

So there they are. Things I had to just get off my chest. Now off for a 17 mile run! (Oh boy. That still makes go oh dear.)

Honesty

So did I make you cry? If you haven't watched the video I highly suggest it. When the princess emailed me this I had to share it with everybody. Inspiring story no? Big news! I've lost 15 pounds! Its official! I'm an honest person on my drivers licence! 220 pounds! Now to just get down to 200. Well I've got time and with summer coming on and my budget rather tight I'll just sweat it off.

I realized that the marathon is less that 40 days away.

Gulp.

If you don't have anything going on and you are in the Ogden area watch me suffer party May 21st.

Y'all are invited!

My 120 pound journey.

Pop! Goes the Weasel.

For the rest of my life I will have to hide my face when I go to yogalities. What is yogalities? For all of you non O.C fans it is the combination of Yoga and Pilate's or PIYO. Its only taught on Tuesday afternoons for the ladies who lunch bunch (its open to everybody but I've only seen one other guy in the class) anyway when I get the chance I go.

Sometimes we get to play with bands, other times we have mats, and the other day we got to play with bouncy balls. Which I'm not going to lie I was excited thinking yay Dodge ball! So we go through the usual workout warm up, doing the yoga poses and then comes the ball sequence.

To clarify I was a tad bit late so there were fewer balls to chose from. So we are bouncing around up and down on this ball kicking our legs up in the air and then it happened.

BAM!

Like a gunshot. Suddenly I'm not bouncing anymore. Rather I'm flat on back going Oh. No. Oh dear. Of course in my dreams nobody notices but in reality everybody turns and looks at me. Which was even worse cause who wants to look at a fat kid with their legs in the air sweating like I a pig?

Terrible. So that is why I have to go into hiding.

Consider Me Gone

I almost broke up with George and Martha yesterday. Due to the very wet and nasty weather on Saturday I threw myself a little Hawaiian luau and enjoyed it. So when Sunday hit with the small sliver of sunlight and warmth I took it. 16 miles? Bring it on. So for the first 14 miles it was nothing but wow! Look at me go! Then at 14.5 suddenly I heard this blaahhh sound from a mack truck that came out of no where and ran me over.

That's not what really happened but it felt like it. The last two miles I walked/ran/hobbled toward my car. When I got there I literally fell to me my knees and I cried. I couldn't believe how hard I went and how in the world was I to get home? So while I was there on the ground at the Farmington Front Runner station I finally said the words that I hate to say. I surrender all. I surrendered all my fatness, my anger, my hatred, all of the self doubt, the self pity, and I could feel myself getting lifted. Being lighter. When I was able to stand I had enough energy to get my car started.

It amazes me what our bodies can do. What awful things we put them through and it forgives us. Our bodies take the hurt,the internal strife, the fear, and become the exterior reflection on what is going on in the inside. So I've decided at that moment on my knees when I see somebody in the appearance of suffering not to close my eyes and ignore it. Behind every fat person is somebody who wants to be asked what's wrong, who wants to be told that they are beautiful, whose very presence has changed somebody for the better. Now does this mean I'm going to go around to every person and be like Oh how can I praise you? How can make you better? No. What it means is that when somebody does something for me to take a moment and acknowledge it. When somebody does something amazing to tell them. What's strange is that we crave praise and acknowledgement but it seems I (and others imagine) cannot take it. I'm terrible at taking praise. So I'm going to be like Dolly Parton and just smile big and say thank you with a big southern drawl.

I've only got one life. One moment. I don't want to waist it (get it waist it? no? Maybe it was just me then) on being self absorbed.

So while I think I'll keep George and Martha around for awhile but if they let me get run over by a mack truck again they are going to start the process of becoming a running track.

I've Got the Right To Sing the Blues

If it keeps on snowing I think there might be a shining moment in my apartment. No sunshine or warmth makes Blake go crazy. While today I was suppose to go run sixteen miles the weather was too cold and awful for me to even to suffer through it. I now know what it feels like to be in the bottom of a depression well. Ugh winter is not for me I've decided so in order to brighten up my day I'm throwing myself a little bit of Hawaiian luau in my apartment. Since all my posse seems to be avoiding/hunkering down/suffering from finalitis (its a very serious disease) its me my shaved ice maker Elvis and turning up the heat (woo! 63 degrees I'm splurging! Its almost tropical in here!) , and its down right fun.

Well more like as I watch my Hawaiian slide show here in my messy cold apartment wearing my Hawaiian shirt and shorts I realize that I need a.) a housekeeper b.) new activities to do in the this freezing absolutely despicable and absolutely unnecessary form or wetness. I don't mind rain but snow after April first puts me in such a wonderful mood.

So now I'm staring out at all of this wetness with my snow cone in hand and I tell myself I should remember this so when its 103 degrees and I'm melting that I'm should be grateful for it now. But I'm not. Sorry. Oh well.

So What!

This is me today after work. This picture is actually from my thanksgiving post when I had no heat but it fits for today.Its nasty and cold and I'm rather run down. Well what did you expect? I ran sixteen miles on Saturday, drove home from St. George on Sunday had a truly heart warming dinner made by the princess, then I went to an after conference party, and then I stumbled in to bed. Then at the ungrateful hour of 5:00 am off I went to work, then I came home, changed ran five miles, then prepared a visual aid and great presentation for an interview, showered and off I went to FHE then I did laundry and went to bed at 12:30 up at 4:50 and then off to work and now I'm here in my apartment on the couch and I really don't care. Cause its grey and just awful outside.

But on a more positive note. I mean it really is! I have been trying to be more honest in my life. Truly. I'm two pounds away from the weight on my driver's licencse. If I was run over by a little old lady on the sidewalk (that would have been yesterday's run) I could face St. Peter at those Pearly gates and with the biggest smile say I may have not been honest in all my dealings but at least I put the honest weight on my driver's license. So there's that.

Little Lion Man

I've been gone.

I ran away from my life for a little while. I had to get away for a little while had to get out get away from everything. So where did I go? I went to St. George of course. Land of Cadillacs and sunshine. It was marvelous.

more later.