Touch A Touch A Touch A ....

In my pretend world my weekend went like this. I cleaned my house, went running, turned down all forms of sugar and bought a new car. While in this flesh tone fantasy I also was able to touch touch my toes. And there was also some random dance/musical number about how wonderful my life is full of jazz hands.

But sadly as I lay here on the couch in my own personal version of Calcutta riding the pain train as my knee turns many colors and with small snack size snickers all around me I wonder how further can I go down this dark hole of self despair?

As I lay there for hours feeling the hot pad getting colder and the light fading from my window I could only think of one word.

Helpless.

I'd become the person I'd always rallied against.

The one who gave up on himself.

Who put the dreams away to busy being a "realist" to face reality.

So in that dark moment of depression I put on K.d Lang and I listened to Helpless for hours (yes my neighbors are so going to vote me neighbor of the year) and I realized that when you bet against yourself you always lose.

So this time I'm betting on me.

I'm tired of feeling helpless.

What about you?