Tuesday, November 2, 2010


Cause this week's theme is humility.

There are moments in life when you put your keys away and lay down your wallet, take your watch off your wrist and step away from your dresser and change into your pajamas and you are suddenly grasped by feelings of being helpless. It comes so suddenly like a sudden stomach cramp or a baby. In which you find yourself on your knees in tears (not the gentle tears either but as Oprah puts it "the UGLY cry".) and in that moment you hear your voice say


After such moments either two things will happen. You will proceed to climb into bed and cry some more or suddenly stop and realize that you are merely


The word helpless consistent with feeling of loss and despair but I found its true meaning. The hidden one. That gets buried deeply with the feelings it carries. When you are truly feeling helpless is when you are truly open for answers.

In search of answers one might throw on a coat a pair of very ugly shoes and walk to see the moon and the stars and realize how helpless we are without help. I will never forget when my mother was lying in the hospital and life seemed to be in delicate balance and pride had to be put aside. Never had I felt so helpless. Yet never had so many been willing to offer help. With food. With hugs. With just their presence.

Help was there.

I don't have very many siblings. It's just the three of us. The princess and the prince and the one in the middle. If you do it just right on your hands it looks like somebody is flipping you off. Word of advice? Don't do it to your mom. The prince is the very youngest. I may be biased just a little but I think he's the best brother. When his back went out he had to have a very serious a very terrifying surgery. To rewind a little bit the prince's birth was one of those scary ones where either the baby lives or dies. Thanks to Steve we were allowed to keep him. Ever since that moment we all watch out for him. Which to see him in pain. Is one of the most helpless feelings you can feel. I felt so helpless. Yet again

Help was there.

While walking back I laid out my blanket and while on a cold night I laid there staring up at the stars and the moon all displayed in their singular glory and I looked up and saw my breath rise like a silent prayer reaching up there and realized that all here are helpless.

Yet you never know when it is you is the one that can help.

Cause help is always there.

Just not in the places we expect it.

Yet if you look for it.

If you seek it.

you may not be so helpless after all.