It’s been that kind of weekend where I’ve hidden bed long enough. I’ve written enough pages of woe that I could see them turning them into chains chaining me to the pillars of self-doubt and the belief that I’m never going to be free to live the life that I want. So I wrote this sentence and I posted it on my fridge “I’m going to be Free and I’m going to be fine” and I decided to take back the freedom that my depression had taken from me. The freedom that I’m allowed to love myself. In a moment of defiance I threw open all my windows, and I turned up my music and I could hear the bells from the Lutheran church and I didn’t know I was a dancer but I started dancing in the day light. I made a paper pillar with all the list of myself hatred and lies that I believed about myself. Then I tore it down and made a big mess and I danced upon them and I knew in that moment that I could be free. Free from the doubt free from the hatred that I allowed myself to believe about myself, and I became a believer of myself I know I’ll fall down but I’m not carrying around these chains of problems.
So join me in this moment of defiance and tell your self-doubt, your hatred, your fear, your shame that you no longer give them power and open yourself one stitch at a time and allow the sunlight of love enter your soul. I’m allowed this freedom and so are you. Let’s stop giving our shame the ability to hold our mouths shut and tell our stories. Let those scars know that they made you stronger not weaker. It’s a different kind of danger but can you hear your bells of freedom ringing out and shake off the chains that claim your feet and dance on your problems. Then leave and go move out in the daylight. Cause the truth of the manner you deserve to have freedom from your problems, you deserve that you are going to be fine. You don’t have to be the best dancer but life is too short to hold up those pillars of doubt when you could build up pillars that you are worthy of love, life and belonging.
It takes courage to live this life. It takes faith that you are going to be fine. When you finally announce to the universe that you are ready to live this life it’s amazing how fast our Heavenly Father moves in and fills your life with the things that you didn’t know you needed. I’m not saying that you aren’t going to experience hard times its part of the deal when we agreed to this life but you know what? We also agreed to live this life to the fullest. In the light of my St. Jude candle (patron saint of Lost Causes) I know that while some things may not have the answer and haven’t been resolved in the way I wanted or answered true faith is the belief in the unknown but nothing that I will receive the understanding one day.
Yeah so just had to share that AH-a, wow, my life has changed in this moment cause I’ve declared my freedom will you?
Tell me how you plan on changing. Cause we are going to be free and we are going fine.