Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Still I Rise

In a letter to my brother about Loneliness:

When people ask me how can I live alone? Aren't I lonely? Do I miss the song of conversation? The sounds of people in the next room puttering around and passing their gas? When I get asked that question I tell them I am never lonely. For when I get that gentle pain of loneliness I call out for my team.

Who is my team you ask?

All the people in my life who have pushed me in the right direction and who have been kind to me. They are black, white, gay, straight, native american, old and young and when I need them I say Okay team I need you.

I need you to stand next to me. I need you presence to push me in the direction in which you know I should go. Or when my house is too quiet I call upon them and I say talk to me dear friends I imagine your laughter ringing through my walls and I giggle with you. Then I don't feel so lonely.

And on those awful nights when I have that awful ugly cry (see snot running down and the little whine of woe is me) and that's when all my team shows up and they don't say anything. But I know they are there and I must admit they are aren't enough I get on my knees. And I pray to my God. And I say can you hear me? Do you see me? And often it is very very quiet. Sometimes I don't feel anything. So then I say my blessings. (Now I realize dear friends who are reading this blog post that my God may not be the same one that you believe in. That's okay. Give thanks to what you believe in. If you don't believe in God that's fine too. Give thanks to the Earth. Or too yourself.)

I am a child of God. Thank God.
I say I can hear (somewhat). Thank God.
I can talk. Thank God.
My body is able to move. Thank God.
I can see. Thank God.
I have a family who loves Me. Thank God.

Then I don't feel so lonely. So now Little Nip as you prepare to leave the safe harbors of home and go about upon your journey call upon your team. Cause I am on it. When you are afraid call out your blessings.

Name them.

Claim them.

And when you start to feel lonely follow this advice.

Much love.


1 comment:

  1. I had a few seconds to check in this morning and it was fun to see what you have been up to! This will be an adventure living alone, but I loved it!! Granted, I only had my own place for about five months, but it was fabulous once I got used to it. I never lost things.... I could only blame myself for the mess, I could be lame and go to bed early if I wanted to, or invite a crowd over without bugging the roommates! :)

    In any case, I just wanted to say hi!