Space Captain

(Star)

"To everything there is a season and every blessing has its cost"- The Road. Emmylou Harris


There are really a few people I would love to meet. Yet I get the socially awkward disease where my mouth goes wild and my brain goes umm where you going there captain? Then they get mad at each other and it takes lots of group therapy to get them talking to each other again. Anyway. The number one person I would love to meet is future Blake.

Future Blake seems to have lots of energy. He’s going to get up early mediate, clean, organize, get all his bills in order. Future Blake has it all figured out. He knows exactly where we are going.

However, I’m not future Blake. I’m present Blake and present Blake is finding that he does not have the energy nor the passion to do my endless to do list. Whoever said adulthood is fun has not had the lovely pleasure of trying to figure out simple math when at the grocery store. Seriously. Percents. Am I getting a good deal? When do I move the decimal point? Then I find myself leaning over the grocery cart breathing into a paper bag because I don’t do the maths. I was in a meeting once and my boss asked me to do a math problem and I promptly got up and left the meeting to go to the “bathroom”. Again. Paper bag and terror sweats. I know my phone has a calculator. Still doesn’t mean I know how to use it.

Why all the talk about the maths? Cause I’ve been getting my diet back in order. Which I thought I was safe. No math there in dietary land! Wrong!  All the carbs, the metric, the English system and spending time adding things to a scale.

One more thing for me to have terror sweats over right? Well yes. However this year I’ve really have been working hard on focusing on the things that I’ve always wanted to do but have been afraid to express.  

Being honest kinda sucks. Again adulting. Not a fan. Cause here's the nasty truth. Its not the food that I have a problem with it's the way I use food. Food is my numb of choice. Food lights up all those little pleasure centers of my brain that gives me the good feels. One of the biggest things I've been trying to teach future Blake is that food is not the answer. Food is fuel. Food is not my friend. 

So let's try this again shall we?