Monday, September 2, 2013

I've Been To A Marvelous Party

(Best show ever.)

I've been to a marvelous party with doughnuts, coffee, and ice cream. It was it out in the fresh air it was inside it was everywhere! I couldn't have loved it more! 

 There comes a moment in your journey of weight loss where you go in deep deep denial. I heard a quote once that being fat was so easy. It's true. You don't count calories you don't have to exercise and if you feel like getting the double scoop of ice cream damn it you are going for the second scoop. However your pants slowly explode, you get winded going up one flight of stairs and the thought of parking far away makes you just say you know what? I don't need to go who really needs toilet paper (true story).  I hate to admit this but I'm my worst enemy. Food is my alcohol. My drug. My black tar heroin it takes away the pain of existing. Rude comments? Hello mr snickers bar. Mammo princess going crazy ( mammo princess is a rude or obnoxious person) why hello jelly bellies. My goodness this meeting driving me crazy oh look doughnuts. Oh everybody only ate one and the left overs are in the break room? Guess I can have another one. Gosh I'm tired today I want a mocha chiller. No I NEED one. I'm so tired guess ill have a Coke and Dr. Pepper combo. Who cares!  I can eat as much as I want! Who cares! As you can see the list goes on and on.

Last week I woke up and realized that I had worn the same outfits every week cause they were the only ones that fit. That my running shoes were gathering dust. My bike a relic of dust something I ride once a week to just say I did.  Then it hit me. I was using food again. Instead of being a means of energy it was slowly taking control of my life. My day focused around what time was I going to eat. What I was going to eat. Eating to brink of wanting to throw up. 

The magic, the glamour was fading, and I woke up in deep fear I had developed diabetes.

The marvelous party didn't seem so marvelous. Time to wake up. The dream has become a nightmare. 

The party is over.

Time to call it a day.

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