Still I Rise

In a letter to my brother about Loneliness:

When people ask me how can I live alone? Aren't I lonely? Do I miss the song of conversation? The sounds of people in the next room puttering around and passing their gas? When I get asked that question I tell them I am never lonely. For when I get that gentle pain of loneliness I call out for my team.

Who is my team you ask?

All the people in my life who have pushed me in the right direction and who have been kind to me. They are black, white, gay, straight, native american, old and young and when I need them I say Okay team I need you.

I need you to stand next to me. I need you presence to push me in the direction in which you know I should go. Or when my house is too quiet I call upon them and I say talk to me dear friends I imagine your laughter ringing through my walls and I giggle with you. Then I don't feel so lonely.

And on those awful nights when I have that awful ugly cry (see snot running down and the little whine of woe is me) and that's when all my team shows up and they don't say anything. But I know they are there and I must admit they are aren't enough I get on my knees. And I pray to my God. And I say can you hear me? Do you see me? And often it is very very quiet. Sometimes I don't feel anything. So then I say my blessings. (Now I realize dear friends who are reading this blog post that my God may not be the same one that you believe in. That's okay. Give thanks to what you believe in. If you don't believe in God that's fine too. Give thanks to the Earth. Or too yourself.)

I am a child of God. Thank God.

I say I can hear (somewhat). Thank God.

I can talk. Thank God.

My body is able to move. Thank God.

I can see. Thank God.

I have a family who loves Me. Thank God.

Then I don't feel so lonely. So now Little Nip as you prepare to leave the safe harbors of home and go about upon your journey call upon your team. Cause I am on it. When you are afraid call out your blessings.

Name them.

Claim them.

And when you start to feel lonely follow this advice.

Much love.

B

Stronger than Yesterday

Well I did it.

I got the ugly cry over with. For those of you who are unfamiliar with the ugly cry its just as bad as it sounds. Its the ugly red eye snot dripping whoo whoo sound that comes out of your mouth when you are trying to breathe and its truly awful. It doesn't come often but when it does its best to just leave the person alone for a moment and let them get somewhat decent. Or just wear really big Ray Ban sunglasses. What ever you prefer.

Now that my life has gotten back to its usually scheduled programing I'm rather bored. There is no more parties and people stopping by. Its just a big ole' batch of quiet around here. Hence the goal for January read one smart book. So I decided to go with Oprah's choice of Tale of Two Cities. Why? Cause I figured if I'm confused there's about a million people in the same boat. Also she's got some great info on her page about the characters and breakdown of the novel. So I figured why not make myself smarter hum?

Care to join me?

If you are bored too and need some spark call me, text me, or send a carrier pigeon. I'm not picky.

Every time we say Goodbye

Today was a hard day.

I didn't know how much I loved my brother till the moment when we pulled away from the missionary training center in Provo. There are so many words you wish you could say. There are so many moments I tried to squeeze in before he disappeared. To memorize his voice and face just so that I could know that he was there. There was so much I was going to tell him so much I wanted to talk to him about and I had to say Goodbye.

Which are the hardest words to say.

Goodbye.

I just hope he's happy.

Wake Up

Um.

Hello?

Hi. Sorry I've been gone for a little while. I've been on mission farewell duty. Spending as much time with the little Nip till he shouted "Enough Enough!" and I left him alone. Cause tomorrow morning (Well today for most of you who will be reading this or screening this on Wend.) we are shipping the Little nip from the safe harbors of home and off on his own wild adventure in Texas for the next two years.

(For those of you just tuning in The Little Nip is serving an preaching mission for our church AKA MORMONS, LDS or The big long title The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints want to learn more? Go to Mormon.org)

So tonight we waked him. Long ago before funeral parlors family members would sit around the deceased and have a big ole party before the body was buried. Well now days on the night the missionary leaves everybody comes over and sits and talks and then they all go home. It's quite fun.

Then come the tear works.

I'm not very strong at good byes.

More tomorrow.

Sometimes Life Doesn't Break Even

Look at Momma Joye stuffing that turkey. I gotta say those glasses were a steal in 1972 and they are still being put to good use! So I was thinking to myself today at work. What are my new years resolutions. But I couldn't get myself movatied to write the same things that I say every year. Work on world peace and learn how to yodel play the banjo and tap dance! All at the same time! I tell ya I'd be a big hit at the ward talent shows.

So I started doing some reflection on what I've accomplished in 2010.

1. I retired from ice cream. Ten years of scooping, producing, and writing about ice cream it was time for me to get a break. YAY! My scoops are hung up to dry and I don't miss them.

2. I moved out on my own! All by myself and I put the Swedish couch from hell together with no help. I am now in charge of my own life which is such a scary but nice feeling all at the same time.

3. I ran a half marathon and I actually did a great time and found that I the rather obtuse one can run. Not super fast but still. Who knew?

4. This was a year of first. I traveled all over this great country of ours. I started with Alabama, Hawaii, Idaho, Wyoming,South Carolina, California (Disneyland gotta love it.), St George, Tennessee, Georgia, and Florida. This year is its New York, Boston, Texas, Florida, and Alabama (? this one is still up in the air), Monterey ( just want to rent a convertible and drive up the 101 anybody want to go with me?) and anywhere where people want to host me.

5. I watched some amazing television.Granted it was on DVD but I was impressed.

So this is my list of aha! moments.

Next up goals.

For 2011.

Yikes.