Sunday, September 25, 2016

99 Luftballons

Do our beliefs limit us?

For the last sixty days I have been religiously logging my food, getting both cardio and weight work outs in and trying to limit bad food choices to single guy night in. For the last sixty days I’ve only lost seventeen pounds. I may have done a fat hand clap however the scale has been hovering at the same weight for the last few weeks and it’s really starting to piss me off. 

In church today we had a speaker talk about how belief can be a great powerful tool or big hindrance. The speaker’s theory was that if we truly believed something that we could manifest it and make it happen and whereas those who lost their beliefs or had beliefs that were harmful could not progress.

Because I’m vain I had to ask myself about my weight loss beliefs. Did I start this journey with the subconscious idea that I was going to fail? Or even worse did I believe that I was a failure because I didn’t measure up to all the other weight loss inspirational stories I see on Instagram and Pinterest? Also was I self-sabotaging myself in order to protect myself from actually accomplishing my goals?

Sitting there I became more and more agitated. Embarrassed. So because I couldn’t run out of the classroom screaming I’m fat! I believe I’m fat and always will be and my goals suck and I just want a damn Almond Joy! I mean I could but people would stare and it wouldn’t solve the problem. So when in doubt write it out.

I went back to the basics of why I started this blog and realized that the piece that I was missing and the key to all of the other weight loss stories was discipline. The factor that I have been missing in the last few years was that when freed from the confines of school deadlines I had no one to really hold me accountable to writing every day, going to the gym, and a really good justification system (I can justify a Java Chip Frappuccino like it’s no one’s business) for all my bad food choices.

Is this just me? Did I truly want to lose weight or was this something I felt like I had to do like flossing and going to bed early?  Taking myself out for a walk I took deep breath and realized that maybe I was taking this too seriously. I had originally started this whole weight loss journey for just the fact that I felt like I had to. Yet as I’ve gotten further down the road I’ve realized that I want to do this. I mean I really want to change. This time feels different. It’s stopped becoming a have to a want to. So on a post it I have written the words I want to change myself limiting beliefs about my weight and bad habits. I didn't hear the heavenly choir but I do feel lighter. 

I’ll keep you posted. 

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