Wednesday, July 27, 2016

Your So Vain

I'm afraid my trainer is going to fire me. 

It's  a legitimate concern.

 My prior performance has been really spotty at best. When it came to holding up my end of the bargain I was promising him I was brand new Mercedes when in reality I was acting like a 15 year old Hyundai with muffler problems.  

Every time I would go in to see him I would give reasons why I could't follow my workouts, why I wasn't dedicating time to cook, and mainly how I just couldn't cause I had a reason not to

Reasons I found out are nothing more glorified excuses we give ourselves for not doing something we don't or are afraid of. Oh my reasons were good. No not good they were golden. I mean they were truly some of the best fiction I've ever told myself. Example " The reason why I couldn't work out today was because I had to work, I tried to eat healthy but it was double stamp day at Waffle LUV and it would have been rude to say no, I ate my feelings cause the reason why is because I felt like I deserved it.." and it goes on and on. 

Let me just be honest and say one thing that puts more of this story into context without me having to go deep and have you feel something and then call my mother and then I have to explain to her what I was trying to explain and then I'll just embarrass myself and then my therapist will finally be able to make another payment on their summer to put it plainly... 

Depression is jerk. 

However I do have to thank him for the year in which I've been working deeper into learning about myself. Mainly looking into my reasons of my bad habits and the fear of change. 

More on that later. 

I have performance review on Monday with my trainer. Wish me luck.

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