Friday, January 25, 2013

Running to Stand Still

There are sweaters.

and then there are sweaters. 

This one spoke to me. It said yes I know I am hideous but I am warm and you are cold. I saw it at the Paul Bunyan thrift shop in Fort Bragg California. It was suppose to be a lovely 60 degree day yet when we got there a cold fog came rolling in off the ocean. 

Hence the emergency. 

I believe my exact words were I'm so freaking cold that if I don't get a sweat shirt or something I'm going die!  I may be a titch melodramatic. I may argue with you but in reality you are probably right. 

But anyway back to the sweater. 

Isn't it pretty? 

I like it. I have the feeling though that this will be one of those sweaters that will vanish as soon as I get married. Poof! Its okay though. Its so beautiful that I know it will find new life somewhere and I'm going to enjoy it while I still have it. I do have one issue though when I wear it I seem to channel Bill Cosby playing Fat Albert "HEY HEY HEY" its not pretty and numerous people have asked me to stop. Yet I can't. 

The sweater won't let me. 

Another accomplishment of this sweater is that I will be able to finally claim hipster status. 

Its all I ever wanted. 

Thursday, January 24, 2013

Anyone Can Whistle

This was the summer in which it seemed that world was on fire.
Strange how a fire starts. A small amount of combustible fuel sparks to life and in a matter of moments strikes the dry matter and becomes a roaring fire. 

When your mountains are on fire you don't have time to think. 
Fire is alive. A beast seeking fuel and oxygen seeking to rebirth and destroy all at once. 
It moves faster than lighting. 

Fire can not be contained until it is denied the basics of life when in its passionate moments it loses fuel, loses air and loses space it then slowly loses it raging power to become a smoldering ember. 

If I had only known that while the physical world was on fire burning the mountains and the fields little did I know that my world was going up in flames as well. 

Sad isn't it? 

That you can always trace the fire back to its place of origin. A cigarette fire spreads out from its point of origin in some cases the fire marshall can find the cigarette in which started the fire. 

My spark came from one simple sentence

"You are loved". 

This spark came to me at a Target. 

In the middle of frozen food section between the ice cream and frozen pizzas. 

As if my spiritual radio was tuned in for just a minute to the glorious spiritual world that exists within ours, the one that connects us to our true selves. 

I understand now how a lighting fire starts on a dry mountain plain. A dry storm of clouds and angry matter mixing in the sky, the wind blowing and in a moment of clarity a flash of lighting strikes the ground and instead of rain to heal it brings fire to scorch and burn away the top layer of earth. 

I stood there between the ice cream and the frozen pizzas feeling myself start to burn and while holding my Kashi Pizza I began to cry. Not the gentle tears they show in the inspirational videos but rather the ugly deep gut wrenching cry that burns away any chance that you are a regular person buying food at a Target super center. 

All I could do was keep breathing adding fuel to the fire. 

Looking like an idiot with a pint of Haagan Daz in one hand and a Kashi Frozen pizza in another. 

Realizing that when your inner world is on fire you have no words, no action, no reaction to stop it like all fires you can stand there foolishly and let the fire engulf you or you can run and hope to survive. 

Putting my food in my cart the sudden paralyzing feeling in my body released me and I could move. Apparently I was choosing to survive.  

Walking with purpose I went to the cashier station as fast as I could avoiding all stares of my fellow shoppers see someone violate the Target code as one does not simply cry at a Target unless they are 5 years old or there is an amazing clearance and even then you need to keep your self together. 

Little did I know that the spark was about become fire.   

And that fire was going to destroy all that I held dear.