You Know I'm No Good

Things I have been doing lately to pass the time at work:

7:00 Check Patients in

7:05 Pintrest

7:45 Check Patients in and verify where the bathroom is.

8:00 Pintrest

8:40 crave Peppermint Mocha chiller. Resit. (Not because of will power but because I'm flint. aka broke)

9:00: Check Patients in do various other busy making task.

9:40 Pintrest.

Forgot what I did between the hours of 10 to 11:45

11:45-12:20 lunch

12:25: Check Patients in and direct people to the bathroom

1:00 Pintrest.

2-3 a mixture of pintrest and blogging.

I'm so industrious!

Heatwave! Like something inside!

I hate it when it gets cold. Don't get me wrong I'm all for the FA LA LAing and the skiing, and the hot chocolate, and flannel pajamas and chestnuts roasting but when you work in mammography they like it hot. Like spicy Latino mambo heat hot. Which has me melting. Cause I do not like it hot. I do not like it. I do not like it a lot. (Sorry random Dr. Seuss moment.)

One nice thing about today is that there is a Christmas carol nazi roaming the halls of the hospital. Whenever the piano player has launched into I saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus they stop mid song. Oh bless you kind stranger.

Bless you everyone.

I promise I'm not a bitter person. I'm just rather vocal about what I don't favor.


So as I feel like I'm cooking to death I begin looking forward to my run tonight.

Where I can push out the annoying thoughts that clog my head.

and its just me.

And Florence.

and a machine.

Or sometimes Journey.

Or if I'm feeling rather feisty Brittany Spears.

Perhaps this will cool me down?

I Don't Know Where I Stand

There are moments in your life when you find yourself lost.

Lost at the grocery store.

Lost in the parking lot. (Looking for my car that I don't own anymore. Yeah. That was a great day.)

Lost trying to find your way to where your friends are having a great party and driving for hours trying to figure out your dumb directions that your wrote and hating yourself for forgetting your cell phone. No? Maybe its just me then.

Then there is the lost when you are in a relationship with somebody and you don't know where you are going.

But the worst kind of lost is the one where you forget where you are going in your life.

Yes dear readers its going to be one of those post. Sorry. Feel free to turn back. I promise I won't be sad. Or come check back on a day when I'm in a good mood. Or when I've lost fifty pounds.

I just feel a little lost.

A little like how Barry Manilow feels about Mandy.

Lets stop for a moment and examine that. I remember rain like ice shadows of a man face in a window...looking in their eyes I see a memory...Oh Mandy...(Yes I have issues. this has been well established.)

Sometimes being lost has its advantages.

You can watch great shows like LOST and go at least my life isn't that nuts.

People tend to be nicer to you. ("Be nice to him. He's lost. Lets introduce him to these nice men in white coats they can help him." Is what I usually hear.)

Sometimes you can find the best running routes.

Or people's house to toilet paper. (What ever your preference is.)

Or perhaps those nagging issues that you have been trying avoid you figure are the things that have been holding you back. AKA why you crave chocolate after arguing with a fat lady at work. Or why you avoid looking at mirrors cause you don't want to look at yourself in eyes and go Why yes this is my life.

Or fighting with your neighbor below you who cooks with a pound of garlic and leaves her exhaust fan on all the freaking time.

Now for a musical break...

Country roads take me home, to the place I belong...

and I'm back.

So if you see me can you guide me in the right direction?

Hallelujah

Cause the best holiday ever is coming up I decided to do my I'm thankful post. A couple of months ago when I was training for my marathon I lost a dear friend to suicide. When his mother shared his farewell note there was a line that struck out to me the most.

I wish I knew that I mattered.

I so wanted to yell to them but you do matter! You matter to me. So I wrote 26 letters to people who in the last two years who made a big difference in my life and had helped me accomplish that huge goal I had set for myself. Yet as I look back there are so many more people who matter to me. Who by their existence and personal light push me forward.

Tonight's lucky guest is somebody who I've known mine entire life.

So for April.

There are people who are meant to be mothers. They just have that natural ability to care for others and nurture people to do their very best in life. They seem to make friends with anyone no matter what social, economic, or life class they belong to. April is one of these people. The last few years have given April amazing blessings but with those blessings have all come with huge personal cost. Yet instead of dwelling on the hardship of her life she merely focuses her life on to the goodness of her husband and children.

April was the one who inspired me years ago to start this blog. I had seen her weight loss and how she had blogged about how hard it was but also how she was able to do it! I believe that April's greatest gift is that she gives hope to people. She gives hope to her children that life is worth living and exploring. She gives hope to her husbands business by supporting him. She gives hopes to all mothers who have lost a baby cause she has seen and felt that awful situation for herself. She inspires her sisters and brothers to live life and hope for the best cause she is the oldest and leads with such a fierce determination. Unlike most oldest children she is not a princess.

I'm grateful for April cause she always reads my blog, and has such a happy and warm personality whenever I see her. I'm lucky to know her.

So I give her this gift knowing that she matters to me. She has made a difference in my life and I hope that her life continues to be as amazing as wonderful as she makes it.

To quote that immortal Golden Girls theme

"Thank you for being a friend".

Change is Hard

There I said it.

Change is hard.

Like when your pants go from fitting to exploding.

Its the worst thing that can ever happen to you. That's why I'm going with elastic tab pants from now on. You know the kind that grow with you? The male version of maternity pants. With the holy eating trio upon us I figured that the old men I see around the hospital have the right idea.

That and I hate daylight savings/ standard time switch. I don't bounce back like other people. Do you know how annoying it is when you forget to set your alarm back an hour? Let me tell you four in the morning is not a happy time to be up. Its cold. Dark and oh so dreary.

I am working on my awesome people post. I promise. I've just had to start working the street corners lately in order to pay some bills. So hence the lack of blogposts. But they are coming I swear.

So from my fat house to yours...


may you have a great day.