Jesus and Gravity

I'm scared.

It's been three months since I woke up that morning and realized that my life wasn't going to change till I made the choice to find something to heal the self inflicted wounds I caused myself. I'm guilty as anyone I took all my blessings, my individuality and my "muchness" for granted. I was so focused on the how my life was going nowhere, how I was a nobody, a loser who all he did was serve food.

I was so angry, so frustrated at how my life hadn't turned out the way I had planned. So when a friend needed a road trip buddy to California I said yes. So in February I left the cold darkness of my life and winter in Utah in exchange for the warmth and the ocean. I was 240 pounds and stuck. As I was packing I threw in my runner's log and the The Non Runner's Guide to Running Marathons and my running shoes. Though I hadn't gone for a run since October I had read an article in Runner's World who whenever he traveled always brought his running shoes to get the lay of the land of the new places he had been so when he logged it in his log he could see all the wonderful and interesting places he had been. So I dusted off George and Martha and threw them in my bag.

That trip changed my life. Each day I went to run in the sunshine and lugged that fat body all around I realized that I need to change. I need to forgive myself for getting that large. So each mile I told myself you signed up for this marathon back in August. You are going to do it. GO Diego Go! That was mantra. So every day I went running in the sunshine and I felt myself toss some of the anger and hatred into the ocean, the space and the mountains.

(Later it got shortened to GO Diego GO!)

When I got home I realized that my life goal of running a marathon was actually going to happen. So I ran in the sunshine, I ran in the Snow, I ran in rain, I ran on treadmills, and I even ran in a pool just to meet my goals.

My perspective changed. I finally had the guts to tell people what they meant to me. I lost 20 pounds (and more by this summer!) and I started making traction in life. So on Saturday I want to thank all of you, every one who has read my blog who commented, who stopped me on the streets and said I saw you running! You look great! I'm grateful for you all.

So on Saturday morning at 7 am I will take that first step in George and Martha and will wear my bands of glory (aka my Nike Sport band and my road id) and though I will be light in clothing I will be carried by you, you readers and friends whose thoughts will push me across that finish line. There is no time that I'm running for. I walk I walk. If I crawl I crawl but I will finish.

So tonight is my last night as non marathoner. I feel more nervous about this than I do about graduating from USU.

I'll keep you posted!