Mary

They say life is like the weather. Wait five minutes it will change. In the course of the last four months I've lost 20 pounds, almost lost my dad to a scary blood clot, lost my best friend and grandma and on thurs found out a good friend was diagnosed with breast cancer. 

While I wouldn't stand up and declare these to be the best months ever it's made me so grateful for the opportunity to realize how life is so fragile. I realize I would give up the things I've realized are meaningless in order to have this fire of belief in me that allows me to wake up and go okay! I'm here. I'm flawed but I'm here.

My friends come and stand beside me cause lately I'm feeling so lost. The storms have come up on the horizon and I'm standing a little scared a little alone. Then I heard a voice call out and stood beside me while the rains of change came. There is nothing more wonderful in life when you have someone stand beside you and allow you to weep. When you realize how wonderful the miracle of grief and how it changes your perspective on everything.  

I'm far from perfect. Yet I realize all the times I've been selfish and unkind I've hurt people and I'm sorry. These storms will come and go in life I realize now yet as I get older how much more the joyous moments over shadow the bad. I used to always try to live in the future. Play the what if game. Now I'm trying to live in the now. To ride all the good things and bad things in life with an attitude of gratitude.  

Thank you to those who have been with me lately in spirit or in presence. You have lifted me up in ways I didn't even know I needed. What I'm trying to say in this post is that I've changed a lot in the last few months and these months have taught me that we all have hurt buried deep within us and when others come to lift you out of it it's the most wonderful gift. 

So I'm here. Flawed and imperfect but I'm here and I'm holding on for another day. 

Royals

Look I'm sorry it took me a while to get back. I suffered a wee bit of an emotional trauma and well nobody wants to read angsty-I'm-so-sad-woe is me my feelings are all black and I just sit here on the couch watching Netflix post. I've got them but who wants to read them. Truth is when you are grieving they (the fancy book people who write books about feelings) say that people who are grieving tend to expand (see fat) and be a little depressed. Well since that was pretty much the theme of last year I have been working harder to keep myself moving. 

Enter The Biggest Loser.

I have such a love/hate relationship with this show. I love it for the fact that it motivates me and I relate so much to each of the contestants. All of their stories feed into mine. Midnight binge eating? Social withdrawal? Fat clothes. Check. Check and check. I even love the emotional moments when the trainers get them on the treadmill and they are falling over and they are like move! Move! I don't care what happened! Keep moving. To tell you the truth I get a little jealous.  I don't have a personal trainer I just have Pinterest and really great clothes that I can't wear to keep me moving. 

Now let's get to the fun stuff shall we?

I hate this show for the fact that you start your weight loss journey and you are like yes! I didn't eat for an hour! Go me! Then you work your fat self over and over again and you get on the scale and you expect to see big numbers and either you stay the same or gain. Plus don't get me started on this whole 40 minute show business. I miss my 2 hour specials! It feels rushed. I need that emotional connection. Plus where's the screaming and the crying?! Seriously though. What the heck NBC?

So there's that.