Blake got Fat!

Night Sky

2012-01-27T22:54:00.002-07:00

Have you ever tried to take a picture of the night sky? One away from all the city lights and the hustle of city living. If you ever take a moment to look up you see that the sky is filled with billions of stars. Some glow brighter than others. When the moon hides for just a moment all you see is are little pin points of light.

I've always been fascinated by the night sky. There's something old and mysterious about the stars they have been used as lights to guide sailors home. In some faiths it is believed that there was once a star so bright it shone on place where the literal Son of God was born. Whenever I'm far from home I always look up to see the stars especially the north star. Cause when I was very little I remember holding my Grandpa's hand and looking up to see the stars and he pointed out the big dipper and in the little corner he told me it was the North star. A star so bright that anyone could see it and it had been used by captains for centuries to guide their ships home. So when I'm lonely I always look for the north star I know that somewhere someone that I love is looking at it too.

Stars are something I've always doodled when I'm bored. A simple five point star. When I started studying shapes in folklore I learned about the five elements and how the ancients believed it was essential for a happy life was to have balance Earth, Wind, Fire, Water and Spirit. I have realized that my life is out of balance when I'm missing one of these elements. Earth I've learned is something that I have to touch and experience. My favorite moments are just being outside and stand in my bare feet and I breathe and I connect myself like a tree to the continuous circle that is our home. Wind to me is that niggling feeling you get in your gut when you need to move on. Push on. Whether it be a job, friends, loves, or just your own life. It always starts in a small wind. Ignore it long enough and it becomes a hurricane. Its funny I feel most alive when I'm connected to water. Whether it be swimming, drinking or just floating in it gives me peace. Fire the element was the one I thought I was most lacking in. Yet I find when I have a goal, a purpose, I can do things I never thought I could like the marathon, moving away from Ogden, and writing this blog. Its weird thought the one I've been most lacking in is my spirit lately seems lost.

Stars are things that bring me home. Bring me peace. My favorite shape is a star. I've wished on them, cursed them, and why on earth am I sharing this with you? Cause I just wanted you know that. Just something to consider.

Just one of those things I was thinking of today.

Shake Shake Senora

2012-01-25T10:18:00.003-07:00

The shame rattle moment of the day is brought to you by the Grounds for Coffee cart.

I have lost 4 pounds in the last three weeks. Which equals a happy dance. This is the moment where you stand up and go YAY Blake! Its okay I'll wait. Are you done? Good. Thank you for cheering for me.

However today was a bad moment day. Today was a morning where I had the strong desire to be naughty. Not lay around the house and be lazy naughty but the naughty where you inhale a bag of OREO's and blame the dog kinda naughty.

However since I'm rather poor at the moment as in not Tiny Tim poor but not Big Spender level either. So when my favorite coffee cart gal decided to get a new job and leave I thought the only nice thing to do was support her...well 410 calories later and I feel rather hyper and gross with myself. I'm so ashamed! Sob! Tear! Shame rattle in the back ground.

To make it even worse is that I split my pants. Thank goodness I didn't go commando today.

I think I might have to leave work early today due to a fashion emergency.

this concludes our shame rattle moment. tune in later for updates.

What I Really Want Is Deliverance

2012-01-24T07:18:00.004-07:00

I call this picture Fat and Happy.

Anyway moving on new development in the fan lady department. Last night after coming home from the gym I in all my sweaty glory saw fan lady standing at the base of the stairs looking out at the snow. Which would have been adorable if I didn't hate her guts.

Well hate is a strong word how about mildly disgruntled?

So then came that awkward moment where I knew I was going to see her on the way back to my apartment. So I decided to use my Dolly Parton technique. For those of you who don't know what that is let me explain. I use this on all my difficult patients/residents/parents... its the overly friendly nothing you can say to me is rude I am a happy person attitude. Just like Dolly Parton. All that's missing is the huge hair.

As I was getting to the stairs she starts getting this weird panic deer in the headlights look on her face and amps up the jazzy (the motorized scooter) as fast it can go. To which I yelled rather loudly Hi Fan lady! Hope you are having a great day! Isn't this snow wonderful!

Oh well. You just can't help crazy.

In other less fascinating news I have lost 2.8 pounds. YAY me! Which is huge because in this whole dark time from the marathon I've gained enough weight to be a Biggest Loser contestant. But as of today I no longer meet the requirement. HAH! So from 261.2 to 257.7 (Yes I am a BIG boy.) I'll take what I can get.

How?

I've just decided to breathe food from now on. I don't taste it I just sniff it. That and I signed myself up for two half marathons one in April and one in May and I really don't want to haul around all this extra weight around if you get my drift?

So that's what's new with me.

Set Fire to The Rain

2012-01-21T19:40:00.004-07:00

So this is what I have done all day today. I have been in bed or watching movies. And I don't care! La la la I don't care.

Its been glorious.

I had nothing to do today and do nothing I did. It feels glorious. Fan freaking tastic. I did do one thing off my bucket list today. I watched the movie UP and cried for the first 15 minutes took a pause cried in the middle and cried at the end. Thanks Pixar/Disney for making me have an emotional moment today. Loved it but it will be another 5 years before I watch it.

However the piper must be paid and I get to run four miles tomorrow. In the snow. Or rain. Or if I'm lucky a mixture of both.

If after church you want to join me I'd love the company.

OH! Update on Fan Lady right now we are at an uneasy truce she has left it off for most of the day and at night its been off. However like the weather it could change.

Tired

2012-01-19T14:18:00.004-07:00

To describe fan lady below me:

"She's crazy. And just when you think you've reached the bottom of her craziness , there's a crazy underground garage."

This all started because all I wanted was to be able to sleep without a constant loud annoying noise.

That's it.

No world peace. No hugging it out. No hand slapping with the words nice job said through clenched teeth.

Just 8 hours of silence.

But apparently that's too much to ask for.

I'm a nice person. I recycle. I don't have energy to be mean to people. I don't play my music loud at night or early in the morning. I would like to think that I am a good neighbor. So when this whole fan situation started I tried to work with fan lady. I talked to her. I gave her a fan. I gave her candles.

Apparently being neighborly meant I will still continue to use my fan constantly though it annoys my neighbors. With no changes I finally resorted to talking to my landlord. Who was quite aware of the situation from all the other neighbors. After talking to the landlord fan lady started avoiding me at all cost. Who knew Jazzies were so fast? I said hi to her at the mail box and she amped that jazzy to the fastest setting and drove out of there trying to avoid my glance. I may or may not have yelled "Oh you better run!". After which she wouldn't answer the door. Wouldn't look at me. Which really didn't hurt my feelings.

It was after three weeks of constant noise I started fantasizing about blowing up Jazzies. To give you perspective I'm hearing impaired. Even with earplugs I can still hear it. It's that loud. So in an act of teenage huffiness I started walking around my apartment with my 50 pound weights. Every step drop the weights pick them up drop them. Keep in mind this was at 5:30 am. (What? I said I was nice not Mother freaking Teresa.) I finally started sleeping at my mother's and grandparents to just get some sleep. Since I didn't want to pay them rent I moved all my bed room furniture into my living room just so I could get away from the fan. Cause as attractive as dark circles under your eyes are not all of us can go to work looking like Ke$ha.

Last week after 2 months of awfulness I finally caved and called the cops. She didn't even answer the door. For the police. So on Monday after a long talk with the landlord they decided to take the fan out. Fan lady was going to be demoted to just crazy lady. So when I got home from work for the first time in months there was silence.

And I may or may not have done a happy jig and posted this status up on facebook "After two weeks of no sleep, constant irritation, and odd fantasies of blowing up Jazzies my landlord promised me that he would remove the fan from the lady below. Shedding tears of joy folks. Shedding tears of joy.

I was so excited to go to bed without noise I went to bed early.

Apparently I celebrated too soon. Facebook status "Guess who installed another fan? You guessed it. I have PTFD Post traumatic fan disorder. " I was pissed. Royally. Not only had I moved my bed back but I thought I had won the war. Apparently I was wrong. I just pushed in my ear plugs and called my landlord. (If I'm this annoyed somebody else going to be too.)

So last night after going for a run in the snow, finding out my weight now qualifies me to be a Biggest Loser contestant I was not in a pleasant mood.

When this lovely surprise was slipped under my door with a smily face sticker on the seal of the envelope. The full letter.

" The Keir Co. maintenance installed a "new" ceiling fan in my bathroom. If it disturbs you (sounds just as noisy to me) PLEASE call the police I could use some additional documentation on the air quality of this building specifically my apartment. I wouldn't have to turn on the fan if my apartment wasn't full of smoke, cigerettes and other.

Thanks so much.

Fan lady.

At this point I don't know what to do. I'm open to any suggestions.

The saga continues...

New York

2012-01-08T21:35:00.005-07:00

Yeah.

It was one of those weekends.

I'm in a war at the moment. I need to run. I need to move my fat body. Yet something sugary and sweet pops up and a terrible customer freaks out and I suddenly have this huge urge to eat my feelings.

Yes you heard me right. Eat my feelings.

Terrible I know.

Yet there is hope in this swirling hole of soda, mocha chillers, and guilt.

The Ironman Princess (aka my sister) is going to train with me for the two half marathons I have coming up. I know realize she is going to make me cry but strangely the fat that lives around my stomach is okay with it.

Because like all of you I need to fix myself.

I need to lift myself out this circle of desperation and eating my feelings. To see myself as who as I am and be okay with it. Since I've been big on list this year (aka the last 8 days) here are the things I feel I need in order to succeed.

1. Not to let myself be discouraged. Life takes work.

2. Be social. Stop coming home and wallowing on the couch.

3. Pain is part of life. Deal with it. Be careful and stretch. Go slow.

4. Coke and Mocha Chillers are not your friends. They may dance all cute and seductive at first but in reality they just make you a junkie.

5. Eat well. Sleep well. Eating your feelings is a sign that there is something wrong.

6. Avoid burn out. AKA say no. Say it loud enough for everybody to know.

7. It always sucks to start but it hurts worst to quit.

8. Know that you are worth it. Give yourself away.

9. Tell EVERYONE what you are doing. Tell them that if they love you they won't force you to have brownies.

10. Drink Water.

So there you go. My list for training in 2012.

Your welcome.

and again I'm sorry for the abuse I did to the ice cream this weekend. But in my defense it had it coming.

Little Fire

2012-01-05T16:11:00.002-07:00

A tragedy happened in my town yesterday.

Two blocks away six heroes went in to do their jobs.

One man paid the ultimate price.

Five are fighting to survive.

There are those who say

A dark cloud has moved in.

Changed this town.

Changed this place.

But I do not believe them.

This is a town of friendships.

Neighbors who look after neighbors.

Who mourn with those who mourn.

We are the Junction City.

A combination of all cultures, race and creed.

Today we will honor those who protect our city.

Who protect us.

This tragedy will not define my town.

I will not let it.

But tonight I will extinguish my lights.

And light my one candle.

To be a beacon of light.

Help that hero home.

To show support to his family.

Cause that's what we do.

We support each other.

Care for each other.

And dare I say it?

Love each other.

(In memoriam for Agent Jared Francom. Ogden officer who lost his life last night. For those other five officers my prayers are with you.)

Lets Get Away From It All

2012-01-04T09:50:00.003-07:00

Bertie informed me this morning that she would like to go on a road trip.

She wants to taste the open road.

She has informed me if she does not get out of town soon and take her top off she will be very upset and will be prone to be throwing fits.

I do not blame her.

I want to go somewhere warm and hear the ocean rather than hear old ladies moan and cause commotions. I want to listen to terribly dated pop music (I'm looking at you Aqua) and sing it at the top of my lungs. I also need to go somewhere and put on my running shoes and explore somewhere new. This is starting to be a very needy post.

If anybody wants to join me I'm going to San Simeon California. I want to see the ocean and Hearst Castle, eat great food, and enjoy the sun for a little while. Anybody want to join me?

May Your News Be Bright

2012-01-01T16:27:00.003-07:00

Since I can't figure out how on earth to get the text to go between the pictures I'm just going to number them one through five.

One: Baby Xan! He was so fun to buy for the holidays. He's the first Great!

Two: My grandpa got this huge camping chair from Steve. We called it Santa's chair. So everyone took pictures in it. It was quite fun. Emily and Joe have a "special time".

Three: Grandpa Vern in his new chair.

Four: Grandma Dar picking up a new hobby. My mom gave her candy cigarettes and she was showing us the proper technique.

Five: Brandon and Ben chilling in the Chair.

So there's my holiday pics.

Cause I'm cool like that.

The Heartache Can Wait

2011-12-31T12:28:00.002-07:00

For all of you my new year wish for you is:

That your heartaches will wait for you to be strong enough to deal with them.

This year will be the year that you go after that one dream. (You know the one that you said you would always do but haven't done yet.)

That you will make time for friends and family. Work will always be there. Family and friends may not.

Remember you are more than you know.

Find faith in yourself.

Know that somebody always loves you.

But most of all

I wish you the ability to hear and feel laughter.

Say goodbye to this passing year.

Its never going to come back.

All ways be moving forward.

Make this new year be your year of Auld Lang Syne which means Time remembered fondness.

Farewell 2011! You have a been a year! Will miss you but can't wait to see what happens in 2012!

Love to all,

Blake

Blake's Customer Service Style.

2011-12-30T10:25:00.001-07:00

I think I have discovered my new model on how to be a breast cancer warrior.

2012 End of the World

2011-12-29T09:22:00.003-07:00

Stupid people hurt me.

By stupid I mean let's make rather sexist remarks to the token male of the mammography department. As a breast cancer warrior (my bosses words not mine) I can proudly say affirmative action worked for me!

So for today I have three lovely contestants who deserve to the "I is Smart Crown". (Patent pending)

Contestant One shared these lovely jewels of wisdom:

You are so lucky you never have to get a mammogram. This is so unfair for women, its painful, sexist, blah blah blah...

What I wanted to say was Well sweetheart when I turn 50 I get to have two fingers inserted in rear end and have a doctor dig for gold for 25 minutes looking for my prostate. So tell me which one would you prefer?

What I said was: Well that's your choice would still like to have the exam? Okay? Thank you feel free to take a seat and somebody will be right with you.

Contestant Two had this to offer to the table.

Bet you enjoy this you perverted man you..

What I wanted to say was "Look lady I'm doing this for the money. Its easier than standing on street corners hustling deals."

What I said was "Thank you! Have a nice day!"

Contestant Three shared their genetic talents with this pearl of wisdom:

You men have it so much easier the compression is so hard and you just mock us about getting our yearly screening and I'm so upset about my insurance not paying (which they do by the way its billed under preventive 100% free. Promise.) and its just our lot in life us women put up with so much more than men.

She kept on going but I kinda tuned her out.

What I wanted to say was "Well when I was a woman I didn't think they were too awful". But I could just see the face. However I restrained myself.

What I said was " Feel free to take a seat".

I'm so rotting in hell.

So who should win the crown?

What Are You Doing New Years Eve?

2011-12-28T21:07:00.002-07:00

(I'm so ashamed to what I've done to the desert trays the last few days. Don't judge me.)

I have a little tradition at the death of the old year. It's rather lame but I think of the top whatever end of the year list. Confused? Let me explain so last year ended in 10 so I came up with the top 10 things that I did that year. This year is 11. Since I'm so reserved and hardly share anything with anybody I'd thought I'd share with you my top 11 events of the year.

1. Running the Ogden Marathon. See the blog post from Feb to June of this year if you missed out on that journey.

2. Going to Carmel and Monterrey California. Oh! I could live there! I want to go back!

3. Bertie! Sometimes after all those hard hours of being a breast cancer warrior make it worth it to pay it off!

4. Running a 5k in Hawaii. That was so fun it wasn't the prettiest course but it was so fun to run with my cousins and be in Hawaii.

5. Discovering the joys of Foam rolling. It sounds rather odd rolling on a piece of foam but it reaches those deep spots.

6. Once A Upon A Time. Slowly healing the space in my heart where The O.C was brutally ripped out.

7. Having such wonderful friends. (If you are reading this I count you as one!)

8. Emily competing in the Kona Iron Man. She's 12th in the world you know.

9. Talking to the Little Nip on Christmas.

10. My new job as a Breast Cancer Warrior.

11. The health and safety of my family friends. We've all suffered, loved and loss this year. Lets grow old together shall we?

May you have a great new years! Lets 2012 a better year than 2012.

No Mozart Tonight

2011-12-24T09:11:00.002-07:00

It's Christmas Eve!

I just want to wish y'all a glorious and safe holiday!

May your chins be jolly and your cellulite be bright!

Love ya!

Blake

He's Making A List

2011-12-22T15:25:00.004-07:00

(Yes I realize the text is off but I really don't care.)

I have a fan in my bathroom. I like it. When I run it it keeps the moisture from turning into mold. However the neighbor below me? She LOVES her fan. LOVES it so much that she runs it all the FREAKING time. Which makes the absolutely the worst sound ever. Picture a chain saw and a dentist drill having a one night stand that is what the sound sounds like. All. Night.Long.

How do I feel about this fan?

To quote Mrs White from Clue " hated her, so much... it-it- the f - it -flam - flames. Flames, on the side of my face..." its awful. Now I know you are asking why I don't go down there and whip out my badge O'power and use my R.A skills to which I must say I have. Repeatedly. But she claims their is a "smell" (I can tell you what the smell is she eats garlic by the mountainful) in the apartment.

I want to love my neighbors. A. Cause Jesus told me too and B. Santa is watching. but if things don't change? I'm getting my 50 pound weights and walking around the apartment dropping them all the time. Plus blasting Brittney Spears through my speakers pointed at the floor. Heads will roll and it will not be mine.

So neighbor below this is war.

And I'm going to Win....

Or go crazy trying.

Mean to Me

2011-12-22T07:53:00.002-07:00

I don't know about you but I it seems lately all I want to do is eat everything and what's worst is that the food is starting to be really upset if I don't choose them. I walk into a party and instead of people being glad to see me its the desert tray going "Why Hello There Sailor!" and my mother taught me never to be rude...

Needless to say I've got cream cheese and sugar coming out of my pores.

I can't wait for January when all the sweets get replaced with carrots and celery and everybody starts freaking out about carbs, sugars, gluten you name it. Instead of "I made you Brownies"

its "Would you like a piece of cauliflower?" I simply can't wait!

From my full stomach to yours,

Merry Christmas!

I Wanna Be Like You

2011-12-21T09:58:00.002-07:00

Seriously?

I went over to mother's to do some laundry the other day and this is what I find. This was at 7:30 at night.

I'm scared to get old.

The Pants They Are a Ripping

2011-12-20T21:10:00.005-07:00

Since I didn't have time to do a Christmas Card Jorge took the liberty of sharing his favorite moments of 2011.

The Top Picture of Blake for 2011

Why He Did the Marathon.

Blake's Best Moment of the Year.

Merry Christmas!

My Buddy My Buddy

2011-12-20T09:13:00.003-07:00

Meet my new friend.

The Peppermint Mocha Chiller.
(The things I say to it every morning)

I wish I knew how to quit you.

Or the reason why my pants don't fit.

Its not coffee if it has flavoring right?

Oh sweet mama where have you been all my life.

Happiness is a cold mocha chiller.

Yo lady you can be as mean as you wanna be. Me and My chiller just gonna mock you later.

Seriously need a 12 step program.

Wait.

I can't even walk up a flight of stairs.

Make that a 2 step program.

Sweet. Wonderful. Sin.

It's only 550 calories. Go Big!

Hell yes I need Whip Cream.

When its gone I cry big tears.

I think I might have a "problem".

You Light Up My Life!

2011-12-19T11:29:00.002-07:00

Sometimes this is the thing that I am most grateful for at the end of the day. Heated seats. Its little glow of butt warming happiness is the thing that makes me excited to get in my car after a long grueling day at work or in the morning I know it will be the thing that makes sitting in the damn nasty cold bearable.

I don't think I can ever go back to regular seats again. It especially wonderful when I can drop the top (not in this nasty inversion) at night and turn on that toasty bundle of warmness. I tell ya I'm blessed. Cause my apartment is electric heat and I'm stingy and cheap I don't keep my apartment very warm. So when people come over I tell them we are playing pioneers. Strangely I don't get many visitors. Except for Home teachers. But even then they have started avoiding my place cause they know its cold.

So that's what I'm grateful for this Christmas.

Heated seats.

Ogden Will Shine Tonight

2011-12-18T19:27:00.001-07:00

I think I've eaten my weight in cookies,cakes, brownies and candy over the last few weeks. It's gotten so bad that yesterday I leaned over and ripped my pants a la Papa Bear in the immortal classic the Bernstein Bears get fit(or was it fat?). What worse is that my legs rub together so much they come with a fire warning. What's a fat kid to do? I had my come to Jesus moment a few weeks ago when I watched the Biggest Loser finale. However I recently made friends with the grounds for coffee cart at work. I'm nothing but a big pile of vices lately. I'm hoping Santa gets the hint and gives me a redo for the months of July, August, September, October, November and December.
So if you see me this December and try to take my picture I may go all crazy Brittney Spears on you and whack your camera. Just a fair warning.

That is all.

Pennies from Heaven

2011-12-07T08:07:00.002-07:00

Some days are just terrible horrible no good very bad days. The kind in which you wake up and pray that the day go fast. Yesterday was one of those days. I could give you a list of all the awful things that happened but this isn't a facebook status.

Lets just say by 8:40 pm I was in bed cause that's the one place where the monsters can't get you.
It was that kind of day.

But I'm hoping after the fallout from said terrible horrible no good very bad day that I can have a truly wonderful glorious happy day.

Or I'd just settle for a wonderful day.

In other news I'm running again. Slowly but surely I'm moving this body around and it's kinda nice. I forgot how nice it is to move and sweat away all the frustrations and to have a moment to think.

I need to do some thinking. When people have asked me what I want for Christmas I truly want some time away somewhere warm where I could get my book proposal finished. Get some writing finished. Get all the words that are trapped behind this mental block and get it out. To get rid of it.

But we can't get that sometimes. No. We have to be breast cancer warriors and pay bills.

This grown up life is not exactly what I thought it was going to be.

But that's okay cause I will have a glorious happy wonderful day.

Right?

You Know I'm No Good

2011-11-29T14:46:00.002-07:00

Things I have been doing lately to pass the time at work:

7:00 Check Patients in

7:05 Pintrest

7:45 Check Patients in and verify where the bathroom is.

8:00 Pintrest

8:40 crave Peppermint Mocha chiller. Resit. (Not because of will power but because I'm flint. aka broke)

9:00: Check Patients in do various other busy making task.

9:40 Pintrest.

Forgot what I did between the hours of 10 to 11:45

11:45-12:20 lunch

12:25: Check Patients in and direct people to the bathroom

1:00 Pintrest.

2-3 a mixture of pintrest and blogging.

I'm so industrious!

Heatwave! Like something inside!

2011-11-28T15:30:00.002-07:00

I hate it when it gets cold. Don't get me wrong I'm all for the FA LA LAing and the skiing, and the hot chocolate, and flannel pajamas and chestnuts roasting but when you work in mammography they like it hot. Like spicy Latino mambo heat hot. Which has me melting. Cause I do not like it hot. I do not like it. I do not like it a lot. (Sorry random Dr. Seuss moment.)

One nice thing about today is that there is a Christmas carol nazi roaming the halls of the hospital. Whenever the piano player has launched into I saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus they stop mid song. Oh bless you kind stranger.

Bless you everyone.

I promise I'm not a bitter person. I'm just rather vocal about what I don't favor.

So as I feel like I'm cooking to death I begin looking forward to my run tonight.

Where I can push out the annoying thoughts that clog my head.

and its just me.

And Florence.

and a machine.

Or sometimes Journey.

Or if I'm feeling rather feisty Brittany Spears.

Perhaps this will cool me down?

I Don't Know Where I Stand

2011-11-27T20:34:00.002-07:00

There are moments in your life when you find yourself lost.

Lost at the grocery store.

Lost in the parking lot. (Looking for my car that I don't own anymore. Yeah. That was a great day.)

Lost trying to find your way to where your friends are having a great party and driving for hours trying to figure out your dumb directions that your wrote and hating yourself for forgetting your cell phone. No? Maybe its just me then.

Then there is the lost when you are in a relationship with somebody and you don't know where you are going.

But the worst kind of lost is the one where you forget where you are going in your life.

Yes dear readers its going to be one of those post. Sorry. Feel free to turn back. I promise I won't be sad. Or come check back on a day when I'm in a good mood. Or when I've lost fifty pounds.

I just feel a little lost.

A little like how Barry Manilow feels about Mandy.

Lets stop for a moment and examine that. I remember rain like ice shadows of a man face in a window...looking in their eyes I see a memory...Oh Mandy...(Yes I have issues. this has been well established.)

Sometimes being lost has its advantages.

You can watch great shows like LOST and go at least my life isn't that nuts.

People tend to be nicer to you. ("Be nice to him. He's lost. Lets introduce him to these nice men in white coats they can help him." Is what I usually hear.)

Sometimes you can find the best running routes.

Or people's house to toilet paper. (What ever your preference is.)

Or perhaps those nagging issues that you have been trying avoid you figure are the things that have been holding you back. AKA why you crave chocolate after arguing with a fat lady at work. Or why you avoid looking at mirrors cause you don't want to look at yourself in eyes and go Why yes this is my life.

Or fighting with your neighbor below you who cooks with a pound of garlic and leaves her exhaust fan on all the freaking time.

Now for a musical break...

Country roads take me home, to the place I belong...

and I'm back.

So if you see me can you guide me in the right direction?

Hallelujah

2011-11-13T19:45:00.002-07:00

Cause the best holiday ever is coming up I decided to do my I'm thankful post. A couple of months ago when I was training for my marathon I lost a dear friend to suicide. When his mother shared his farewell note there was a line that struck out to me the most.

I wish I knew that I mattered.

I so wanted to yell to them but you do matter! You matter to me. So I wrote 26 letters to people who in the last two years who made a big difference in my life and had helped me accomplish that huge goal I had set for myself. Yet as I look back there are so many more people who matter to me. Who by their existence and personal light push me forward.

Tonight's lucky guest is somebody who I've known mine entire life.

So for April.

There are people who are meant to be mothers. They just have that natural ability to care for others and nurture people to do their very best in life. They seem to make friends with anyone no matter what social, economic, or life class they belong to. April is one of these people. The last few years have given April amazing blessings but with those blessings have all come with huge personal cost. Yet instead of dwelling on the hardship of her life she merely focuses her life on to the goodness of her husband and children.

April was the one who inspired me years ago to start this blog. I had seen her weight loss and how she had blogged about how hard it was but also how she was able to do it! I believe that April's greatest gift is that she gives hope to people. She gives hope to her children that life is worth living and exploring. She gives hope to her husbands business by supporting him. She gives hopes to all mothers who have lost a baby cause she has seen and felt that awful situation for herself. She inspires her sisters and brothers to live life and hope for the best cause she is the oldest and leads with such a fierce determination. Unlike most oldest children she is not a princess.

I'm grateful for April cause she always reads my blog, and has such a happy and warm personality whenever I see her. I'm lucky to know her.

So I give her this gift knowing that she matters to me. She has made a difference in my life and I hope that her life continues to be as amazing as wonderful as she makes it.

To quote that immortal Golden Girls theme

"Thank you for being a friend".

Change is Hard

2011-11-07T16:46:00.002-07:00

There I said it.

Change is hard.

Like when your pants go from fitting to exploding.

Its the worst thing that can ever happen to you. That's why I'm going with elastic tab pants from now on. You know the kind that grow with you? The male version of maternity pants. With the holy eating trio upon us I figured that the old men I see around the hospital have the right idea.

That and I hate daylight savings/ standard time switch. I don't bounce back like other people. Do you know how annoying it is when you forget to set your alarm back an hour? Let me tell you four in the morning is not a happy time to be up. Its cold. Dark and oh so dreary.

I am working on my awesome people post. I promise. I've just had to start working the street corners lately in order to pay some bills. So hence the lack of blogposts. But they are coming I swear.

So from my fat house to yours...

may you have a great day.

When October Goes

2011-10-31T10:20:00.002-06:00

Oh! How I hate to see October go.

Its the death of warmth, sunlight, and happiness. Cause that's when the snow begins to fly up above the roofs in a twilight sky. I hate to see October go. Oh well. Lets begin the holy trio of eating. Halloween, thanksgiving, and a December holiday. Oh my poor pants. I'm already in my fat ones and now I'm afraid I'm going to have to get the kind with the elastic give in the waistbands. These are my horrors of Halloween.

What have I been up to you ask? Well tragedy struck in our family. A terrible loss was inflicted upon all of us. We lost the washing machine. Well I didn't lose it the dumb thing died at my mother's house. You have to understand this was a serious loss to me. As I am currently two days away from selling myself on street corners till payday this means I'm either going hobo to work or strive for "special". Who wears short shorts? Me apparently if don't find a washing machine.

On facebook I posted that I am starting a new feature here called Whose awesome? So if you want a post about why I think you are awesome either comment on facebook or leave a comment here. Look for the first post tomorrow!

Happy Halloween!

I Won't Dance Don't Ask Me

2011-10-20T21:11:00.002-06:00

(For Lizett. )

I'm not a runner. I've done a half marathon, a marathon and a 5k and now in training for a 5 k in February, a 7 k in March, a half marathon in April, and a 30 k in May (and if I'm nuts I might do a marathon again.) but yet every time I put on my running shoes I feel like a fraud. Yet I do it as a public service to all the people on Harrison Blvd to see my rather large self chugging on down the blvd. I'm always afraid somebody is going to pull over and go Sir are you okay? Are you having a heart attack?

But yet Newtons Law of motion applies "An object in motion stays in motion while an object at rest stays at rest" I realize this applies to my training and my life. Right now I'm not in the best of shape. I let myself become an object of rest. All the effort I put in at the beginning of the year is gone. I am a fat shell of a former less fat self. Yet I realized I can only be the driving force in my life. Sometimes you just need a break. Only to start back up again.

I don't run for anybody but myself. I know I'm not as fasniating of a runner as my sister. I don't ride my bike like my father but I am me. I know the freedom of pushing myself to achieve a goal. I have a lot of work ahead of me but I'm excited for it.

I'm not a runner. But I like to pretend that I am.

Random Breast Cancer Fact: If you catch Breast Cancer early (by doing a self breast check and yearly mammogram) you have a 98% percent chance of survival if you ignore symptoms you have a 23%.

There was a Barber and His Wife...

2011-10-20T12:17:00.004-06:00

In the last month I have gone to see the Dr. 3 times. In those three visits I have been hacked into, poked, prodded, and had somthing removed. This has become such a common occurance that I have now renamed my Doctors Sweeny Todd. Cause apparently I'm just juciy enough to cut into.

Lucky me.

That and last night I got Mormom Ambushed. For those of you who don't know what that is The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints is very big on visiting you in your home. We send representatives once a month called home teachers to check on you and give you a spiritual message. Which is fine. Its always nice to get a friendly hello. Or if you are like me you bribe them with Ice Cream Coupons write a brief update on the facebook wall and they never come to haunt you again. But every so often you visited by the head honchos. The bishop or the member of the quorom presidency. Which is what happend to me last night. They call it a "surprise visit" I called it a Mormon Ambush.

I had just gotten home after a really hard day at work. The kind of day where you look forward to chaninging into your pajamas reading a book and putting in your white strips kinda evening. So there I was on the couch dear reader in my very ratty save the Ta Tas shirt and old scrub bottoms. Then it happend. The pounding knock of guilt upon my door. I looked out the peep hole and what did I see? The bishop and the Elder's qurom president starting back at me! So I did what every person does when the get Mormon Ambushed. I opend the door and said "TA DA! Here is I!" after which we had a very nice pleasant visit. Oh it was fun.

Just a heads up. Be careful of the Mormon Ambush. It could happen to you!

Oh My Poor Neglected Baby

2011-10-18T22:09:00.002-06:00

I'm lucky I don't have children. Cause if I treated them like I did this blog I would get slapped with child abuse charges. I give all this love and attention posting pictures shamelessly promoting this bundle of joy I created and then I turn cold and unloving. A la Mommie Dearest (No more Wire hangers! No more! Whap! curse you Netflix.) I have great intentions I really do. I would update with pictures I took myself, I'd show the fancy blog design I created, and then I would give you something to laugh about. Sorry. However I can now enlighten you in the joys of running the front desk of mammography. That's right. Boobs. Lots and lots of old lady boobs. Before you think I am a dirty disgusting young man (which I might be) I tell you this I am merely a glorified secretary who never goes behind the door. I merely greet and register and hand out gift bags. See what a college degree gets you? Boobs. Its the American man's dream!

I wish I could tell you that I had a great something happening in my life. The only thing exciting I could share with you is that I have so far tied over 2,000 pink ribbon gift bags for Breast cancer Awareness. What great lesson have I learned from stuffing these gift bags with? Mainly how to get to second base with yourself. Seriously see? This is why I would be a terrible parent. I'm overly fort coming and honest.

Pause for the Blake Got Fat Service announcement:

If you are a woman who has a family history of breast cancer, 40 years old and want to have a romantic but brutal affair with a machine get your mammogram. Breast Cancer is the second cause of death of women. If you truly love yourself get a mammogram. All insurances count it as a preventative screening. Don't have insurance the public health department has vouchers that allow you to get one for 50 dollars! (That's like 4 pints of Java chip frapicinos ice cream!)

Cause Breast Cancer sucks.

Maybe I won't be such terrible parent after all. Cause I'm all about preventive medicine yo.

Or not.

(No more Wire hangers! Whap! Sorry couldn't resist.)

Winna!

2011-10-08T22:00:00.002-06:00

Emily is an Ironman champion.

10 hours and 41 minutes later taking 12th for her age division she is now an Ironma Kona Champion.

and she's also my sister.

Oh. Also I owe an apology to Tessa. She also went to cheer Emily on too. So its Joey and Tessa cheering her on .

I'm so happy right now.

With or With Out You

2011-10-08T10:13:00.003-06:00

Today my sister is going to die.

But she will come back.

Hopefully. At 7:00 am Hawaiian time she will start on final leg of her extraordinary journey. The Ironman Championship. This experience (I can't call it a race because its more than that its a total immersion of body mind and soul.) is something she has been training for her whole entire life. She is ready. She is strong. She is dedicated. And Lord help Joey (her husband) with the aftercare.

Anyone can train for an Ironman (at this time I'm lounging in my bathrobe dealing with a carb hangover) but it takes someone special to do Kona. Kona is reserved for the champions. Only those who have won one before can do it.

And she won. In St George. In her own state on one of the hottest spring days with the red rocks behind her.

This time it will be different. Like all champions she will have to do it alone. Joey will be the only one to cheer her on. There will be no family, no friends, she will have to dig deep within herself to push on. She will have to surrender herself to all of her focus, dedication, and effort.

There are moments that you know will change your life. Change your perception completely on how you view the world. Life pre Iron man and post Iron man. She will give herself away in order to gain something more.

But she can do it. Today I can only send prayers, thoughts, and light in her direction.

To her I can only say this is your moment.

Do or Do not.

There is no try.

But she already knew that.

Shake It Out

2011-10-06T21:55:00.003-06:00

I ate another pint of Starbucks Java Chip Frappicinco last night.

I know. I know. I'm not proud of myself either.

What I want to know is what was I looking for at the end of the pint? Happiness? A present?

Ronald McDonald? To make that reference even more obscure the Hamburgler? (Points to you if catch it.)

I started the year at 250 pounds. I ran a marathon and got down to 220. (YAY! Mild obesity! Now going to end the year at the same weight I started it. Fan Freaking Fabulous.) Yet today as I went to get my twin lumps removed from my arm ( I called them Harry and Lloyd.) as I laid there on the table in the lethal injection stance I wanted to cover my fat from the doctor and the resident. Apparently Harry and Lloyd warrented as a "teaching moment". So as I laid there as they talked in their medical jargon I just wanted to disappear in my tossed out Java chip container.

It hasn't been a good couple of months.

Here is my vomit moment of woe. Sorry if you don't wanted to be woeifed remembered you have been warned. I mean it. I'm woeful and I'm liking it. Woe woe woe oh woe is me! Okay I'm good now.

No really I mean it.

Guess I'm going to have to dust off my running shoes. I don't even have a name for my new pair. But am open for suggestions.

Who wants to shake off the jiggle with a little giggle with me? (Almost wet my pants with laughter on that one. Heh. I am funny.) Anybody want to run a half marathon with me?

Anyone?

Beuhler? (Could you blame me?)

Leave me a comment with name suggestions and if you want to shake off the jiggle with a little giggle with me.

Mercy

2011-09-20T10:24:00.000-06:00

I work in customer service.

Which means a long time ago I used to like people. But now? I'm not so sure. I realized I'm nothing more than a glorified garbage dump and a complete ignoranous. People seem to know how to do my job better than me and I'm kinda tempted now to let them do it. Why not? I could use some time to play on facebook.

We as people are hard. We have baggage and issues and sometimes we just need to let it all out. I get it. I do it too. What I need people to understand though is that as much as I love to help there's only a limit to what I can do. I can move mountains but sometimes its only the mole hills. What's the point of this post?

Be nice to us customer service people. We do a lot better when you are nice to us.

Today's blog title is in reference to Duffy's Mercy. Which has been stuck in my head for the last few days. I use it in my pretend music video in my head cause I need mercy. I need a day off. I need a vacation. Apparently I need a lot of things.

Sorry. Its the baggage issue.

Pumped Up Kicks

2011-09-12T15:39:00.002-06:00

Today I have decided three things.

First.

If when you are having a dark and twisty day it is okay to eat ice cream. The calories don't count because all the cranky people absorb them and they don't stick to you.

Second.

Laundry really sucks when you don't have a washer and dryer. Hanging out in Laundry mats is adorable when you are in college. Post college its just kinda sad. Today I went to work looking like a bad Mimi Vice rejection. Aka why did I think this looked good at 6:00 in the morning? That and I didn't realize I needed a hair cut till I had a Farrah moment at work. If I was a girl and from the 70s I would totally be so hip right now!

Third.

Why aren't there any happy songs about Monday? The only song about Monday I know is
Big Jazz hand intro

HANGING AROUND NOTHING TO DO BUT FROWN...

RAINY DAYS AND MONDAYS ALWAYS GET ME DOWN..

Its really sad what is stored in my brain. If you ever need me for slightly odd pop culture references please feel free to call me I would be the excellent phone a friend. Unless its something to do with math. Then don't call me. Cause I don't do math. It scares me. Like gives me the sweats makes my heart pound nervous.

Those are the three things I've discovered today.

Thought you'd like to know.

In an Ordinary Instant.

2011-09-11T00:03:00.005-06:00

Life changed in an ordinary instant.

In a brief moment I lost my innocence.

Ten years.

Everyday I try to say thank you.

Its trite.

But its the only word I can use.

To those heroes who don't wear capes.

Who show and showed us strength.

Thank you.

You mattered to me, and you matter to me still.

Life changed in an ordinary instant.

For all of us.

Everyday I'm Shuffling..

2011-09-06T10:42:00.002-06:00

Today I should have called in ugly to work.

I feel that this is a valid reason when you call and explain the situation on why you can't come in. To explain to your co-workers that your attitude isn't the greatest you look terrible and well its just an ugly day.

I feel that this is a valid reason to have the day off no?

It covers so much. I would much rather be under my covers still asleep away from today and all I would have to say is I'm having an ugly day.

So if you ask me how my day is going I'm gonna say ugly.

Just the Way You Are

2011-09-02T15:12:00.002-06:00

A Bonus!

Here's another post to make up for not posting on Wen and Thursday! Here are the most common search terms to find my blog. Thought you might find them funny.

blake fat

fat between lungs

ghetto superstar that is what you are

got fat

weight "you've let yourself go" jiggle

Thanks for making me laugh!

All I Wanted Was the Dream

2011-09-02T08:17:00.002-06:00

It's Friday Friday Friday getting down on Friday!

Sorry but thanks to Rebecca Black I know have a song to listen to every Friday morning when I get up for work. Now that I have a "grown up" job (by grown up job I mean 4 10 hour shifts and I get to wear big boy clothes now) I have a lot of free time between patients. Normally that means I have a lot of time to do the little odds and ends that keeps the department on schedule. But when Friday rolls around everything is pretty much done and ready for the next week. Normally I strive to find things to do or people to talk to. But lately I have fallen prey to the horrors of online shopping lust. Yes you heard me lust.

Lusty item number 1 (which is how I would describe myself on a dating website.)

A Jorge cover.

(Jorge being my Kitchen Aid mixer who has separation issues.)

Lusty item number 2:

A weekend trip to the Biggest Loser ranch in Snowflake Utah.

(Cause me and my big behind need to have separation issues.)

Lusty item number 3:

A cool i-pad to do i-pad like things.

(cause I've always wanted an i-phone that doesn't fit in my pants)

Lusty item number four:

A weekend in New York.

(I gotta go see some shows, do some shopping, and be SEEN y'all)

Lusty item number five:

Cause its like Mambo number 5 only better (a little bit of Erica in my life a little bit of so so all night long...can't remember the lyrics but hey! pretty good for a 11 year old song no?)

I would lust to have a chance to go visit my peeps in Alabama, Florida, Boston, and anywhere anybody wanted to have me.

So there ya have it. My lust list of Friday.

Have a great weekend y'all!

Y'all come back on Tuesday you hear?

Ghetto Superstar

2011-08-29T09:03:00.003-06:00

Mary Katherine Gallagher once said that are two types of people in the world those who merely dip their toes in the waters of a swimming pool slowly getting in acclimating themselves to the cold and then there is the other type who merely stand on the end of the pool and jump dealing with the freezing consequence later. I have made this my life philosophy looking for people who look at life from all different angles. Cause I have found that I need a mixture of both, people who use caution who allow me to sample life with restraint and forethought to the future.

But I need wild and crazy too. Cause if I am too cautious, too focused on living for tomorrow instead of today I end up bluntly constipated in my life. Backed up in emotional and thrilling moments and need those people to push me in the pool. Clear me out if you will.

What this means is that I need to make some friends. Apparently I'm lonely. I didn't realize this till yesterday when I finally officially breached the single ward barrier. (FYI Single Wards is what my church does to all the people who aren't married between the ages of 18-30 if you aren't married by 30 they consider you a lost cause and throw you back into a family ward. Its suppose to make us feel "special").

I'm not looking to get married but I am looking for some people who like to dip their toes in the water and those who like to throw themselves whole heartily in the deep end. Cause everybody could use a friend no?

KA BOOM!

2011-08-26T10:53:00.002-06:00

(I'm being haunted by my ironing is the theme of this picture)

Sorry for not posting yesterday but I was having a domestic day. I woke up at 9:30 lounged around my apartment for a few moments (aka watched 2 episodes of Grey's I forgot how good it use to be!) and ironed. Then I had a great lunch with Grandma Dar and my mother and went to Target. After spending some quality time looking around (it was so hot I didn't want to go near anything that had to deal with that awful heat. Did I mention I hate August?) had to buy new tires for Bertie and then went to the mothers for something important but I can't remember what and then went home.

Washed Bertie. Treated the soft top so it will stay in great condition and then went to the 7-11 where I got me a big ol' slurpee. Its Blue Raspberry/ Pina Colda month at the 7-11. In case you were wondering those are my favorite flavors. Watched the Bomb in the Chest episode of Grey's will be dedicating a separate post to that later.

Which leads me to the really exciting moment I had this morning. My power went out last night. AKA my alarm went to battery powered and it being in the unhearable range made me really late for work this morning. Love that when that happens. So today I look oh so pretty. Not really but lets pretend shall we? Cause there is nothing I love more than a morning heart attack to get me started in the morning. Oh. I love Fridays.

Anyway hope y'all are having a "great" morning. Oh and I'm bored of being in Ogden and ready to travel somewhere fun. Anybody know where I should go? Who I can stay with?

By the Sea

2011-08-24T07:44:00.003-06:00

(Me and my Chacos. at the beach in Gulala sounds like kola California.)

Have you ever had those mornings when you get dressed and you look at yourself in the mirror and go this isn't going to work. In fact this outfit is absolutely and completely wrong but you look at the clock and go IEEEE! LATE! I'M LATE! SO LATE! No?Maybe its just me then.

Its moments like those that you know that you should go back to bed crawl under the covers call work stating that you need a personal mental health day. Oh what I would give for a mental health day. I'd sleep in, wake up go lounge by the pool and when I was done feeling like a baked potato I would go and sit in the darkness of the movie theater with a small bucket of pop corn and a catch up on all the picture shows that I have missed out on for the last couple of months.

What a nice dream.

Too bad I'll be wasting it at work.

But isn't that how life goes?

Johnny B. Goode

2011-08-23T07:45:00.003-06:00

(Photo of Sea weed at The Sea Ranch)

I rise to a point of clarification. Sorry I've always wanted to say that. A few days ago on Facebook I posted a status that said It's called Deafness not Gayness Dumbass. There are things in life you can control. How much you eat, how much Grey's Anatomy you watch, and how you talk to people. Then there are things that you have no control of, the little flukes of nature and genetic material that you acquire through the process of your creation that by nature make up who you are. Its a great thing, a strange and wonderful combination of what comes from your genetical line that makes up a person or as my biology professor put it A little from Column A and little from column B and BAM! There's you.

As some of you who know me I have a wee bit of a hearing impairment that requires me to wear hearing aids. The joys of hearing impairment is that often times it comes with a little bit of lisp and I talk with my hands (a lot. sometimes it looks like I'm directing air traffic.). I've gone through years of speech therapy to help me with my S sounds. Which is why I hate Sally Sells Sea Shells at the Sea Shore. I always thought Sally's business plan was a little off. Why would you sell something at the location of where you could purchase it? I always wanted to go to the sea shore and pick up sea shells and dance around Sally and be all look at me Sally I'm picking sea shells for free! HA! If you ever want to know what Speech therapy is like read David Sedris book Me Talk Pretty One Day the first essay sums it beautifully.

So why this big conversation about my hearing impairment and slightly fun lisp and big hand gestures? The other day I had a situation happen in which I heard someone I didn't know very well go "I love to hear that gay kid talk" (heads up hearing impaired people can still hear. Oh. and we read lips pretty well too.) and I turned around I looked at the person and I said I'm deaf not gay and second of all its none of your business. I want to stress though that while I am personally not gay I have many friends who are and I bare no political agenda. people are who they are. But like Oscar tells Felix in the Apartment "You know what they say about people who assume? It makes an Ass out of you and me." I don't see how my sexual orientation plays into the way I speak but for some people it does.

There. I've risen to speak on how hearing impairment doesn't equal gayness. Let's not visit this issue again shall we? Now if you excuse me I have some sea shells I need to go throw at Sally.

Mute to the Sound of Silence

2011-08-22T10:25:00.003-06:00

On this season of Blake got Fat...

(Read the next sentences like the guy from the previews at the movies)

He's made you laugh, He's made you cry and now he's moving up in life?

End of preview.

I've decided to treat my blog like a TV series. I take three months off and I'm ready again to write again. Here's what you've missed so far. I worked. and worked. Worked. Oh did I mention I worked. Went to The Sea Ranch in Gulala California. Then worked again. Got promoted. Still worked. Work. Workity. Worked. See wasn't that entertaining? I thought so.

Oh where do I work you ask?

I am the front desk tech coordinator for the Mammography department. Yup. You heard me. Mammography. I have a great boob job you could say. Its where I plan on meeting my eternally young cougar and marry her and never have to work again! See I've got priorities. But seriously why mammography? Cause I'm the biggest prostitute when it comes to money. I go where the money goes. That and being a room service server/phone operator/expeditor (the one who puts the room service trays together) / dishwasher was becoming one job too many.

So I switched. But in order to keep my benefits I had to work between the two departments. So I started working 50 to 60 hour weeks. So fun. Not. But working so much did give me a benefit. I got a new car! YAY! But more of that tomorrow.

I'm back for good. I promise.

Constantly in the Darkness

2011-08-03T23:10:00.004-06:00

I have learned that in order to see life you have to look for the little stories between the movements of those we love. Though we are all the greatest actors on this stage called life its the simplest moments, the small hesitation before a word is spoken, the casual way a hand reaches up to push a stray hair behind a ear.

Before my Grandma lost all sense of past and future and moved completely to the present she left me a voicemail message when I moved up to Logan for the first time living in a completely foreign (when there was a time when college campuses seemed strange) world I listened to that message over and over again when I was lonely, when I was frightened or when nothing made sense. It was the anchor of a voice pulling me through the faint light at the end of the hall. Then in a act of stupidity before I could record it off my phone I hit the 7 to delete instead of the 9 to save it.

Why am I sharing this? Because sometimes its the spaces where we need to remember, need to see, need to hear that voice to keep us going. Cause when you are standing on the edge of the crazy cliff you need something to pull you back, a purpose to make you feel that you aren't alone or the reminder of where you had direction.

Because right now I feel a little lost. But perhaps that's what I need to reach the place I'm going.

It's These Quiet Times

2011-08-03T07:48:00.006-06:00

I realize now after the fact that I have a serious problem. I thought that after I had worked the 12 steps gone to meetings and been clean for four months and gotten my chip of soberity that this would never be a problem again.

But I was wrong.

To understand my Coke addiction you have to understand my background. I was brought up in a home where pop (soda, soda pop, fizzy beverages etc) just wasn't consumed. It's not that my mother had a deep strong adverson to soda its just that we just never bought it. But on the weekends? The weekends were glorious dear friends.

My father made the weekends be full of adventures and explorations of new cultures. We went to fairs, mini horse shows, remote controlled car shows, air shows, (we went to a lot of shows now that I think about it) , the bike shop, minture train shows, hikes, bike rides, and just laying on the couch watching the Tour De France. (A strong viewer since 1984). But how does relate to my coke addiction?

Who knows all I know is that I have a problem. And I need help. What this has to do with anything who knows?

I Want You To Want Me (and other things too)

2011-07-29T11:07:00.002-06:00

I don't know if I told you this or not but I finally moved on to my first grown up purchase. I finally bought myself a car! A new auto-mobile. A horseless carriage and all sorts of words you would find in a thesarus.

Why? Do you ask? Because I deserve it.

Oh what kind did I get? Mini Cooper Convertible.

Because when else is it pratical to buy a convertible? That and my Honda was tired. She had been through alot. So I figured it was time to break up.

Oh well.

So that's that.

What a Way to Make a Living

2011-07-28T09:52:00.002-06:00

Note to self.

If you are going to listen to Dolly Parton in the morning its best not to blast it through your speakers. Apparently not every one is as deaf as you. So to spare you the embarssaing moment you had with your neighbors this morning I would highly suggest a new song. 9 to 5 while its is great to moviative yourself and get going its time for something new.

Perhaps Glen Campbell?

But Oh Goodness Me It's A Great Big World

2011-07-27T08:54:00.003-06:00

I realize that I live my life in the in between places. Between two things at all times I chose the middle because that is what feels safetest to me. In sibling order I am the middle (poor Jan) between the oldest and the youngest. In my job I'm between being on the lowest rung of the totem pole and having a higher postition. Even my birth month of June is a bewteen 6 months till the end.

But deep inside of me buried deep is something, someone who is craving more from life. Craving to experience of burnig desire to fling all cares off the mountain to experience life in moments and not caculated moments of betweens.

So that's why I haven't written it's not that I haven't had a lot to say but rather I'm between moments here and I don't know what to do. When I act you will know. I'll tell you about it soon.

Up Down In Out Anyway the Wind Blows

2011-06-20T09:15:00.003-06:00

Yesterday I got stuck in an elevator.

Not the stuck where you don't go anywhere but the scary gut dropping kind where the lights go out and the floof drops. Then the emergency light comes on and all I could think of was why didn't I go to the bathroom? After waiting for 15 minutes for the elevator guy to come bail me I've never been so happy to get out of such a tiny space.

This is as far as I got with that story.

This week is the start of my birthday week! There is nothing better than having a birthday. When I turned 25 (the annus horriblus year) it was one of the worst years of my life. I was lost dear friends. I was broke, scooping ice cream and had moved in with my parents. I gained 20 pounds and was so depressed thinking that this was all my life was going to be me on the couch with the cat watching Oprah reruns.

So on the eve of of my 26th birthday I lit a candle, tore out of my journal all the sheet of my "life goals" and burned them. Watching the pages burn I felt such a freedom. Like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. After burning the old list I started a new one with the stupid impratical wishes I had always wanted to do and had written down but ignored. Compared to the serious 5 year plan goals they were absolutley crazy. For example 1. Run a marathon. 2. Visit all friends and family who live out of state. 3. Read more challenging books and to stop wasting my time trying to read ones I don't care for. 4. to be a postive person. 5. If its raining go out and stomp in a few puddles. 6. Find something of joy in each day.

On the eve of my 27th birthday its nice to say that I have done all of these. Some more than once! So I say to those serious goals good riddance. Now its time to focus on the last goal of my 20s. Three guesses on what it is and the other two don't count!

I Hadn't Anyone Till You

2011-06-17T09:47:00.002-06:00

It always begins with either a phone call or text on those truly "wonderful" (see terrible/awful/horrible/no good/ oh my gosh when is it going to end) kind of days. Somebody has something that they absolutley want to tell you. But instead of directly telling you they want you to fish it out of them.

For example:

Txter: Sup?

Me: Sup.

Txter: So what you doing?

Me: Nothing (I'm sitting on my couch avoiding the world stuffing my face with Hagaan Daz that's what I'm doing)

Txter: Guess what?

Me: what? (Is this one of those middle school phone conversations?)

Txter: No really guess!

Me: okay I'll bite you got ran over by a big truck with the name mack on it? Or you got confused when they were giving you a tatoo and now you have a big ol' swingline imprinted on your forehead?

Txter: No. I'm Engaged!

Me: Yay? About damn time? Congrats?

End of example

I'm absoultey terrible in these situations. Because through the joys of texting I can never tell if this is I made a big mistake and now we are getting married please help me get out of it or, I no longer have to check the single box on my taxes, I get a bigger refund, and now get to delight in your singleness! Kind of engaement.

It's not that I'm bitter its so hard to find somebody nowdays. Those Glee kids keep on singing about how hard it is so I guess I gotta believe them. But why does it always have to be on those hard days?

Hello

2011-06-13T23:03:00.002-06:00

Today I had a dance party at work.

I may have been the only one there.

But it was fun anyway.

Cause sometimes when you are bored enough you find the inspirational piano playing the same three hymns plus the whole sappy movie catalog. (i.e Somewhere in Time, Total Eclipse of the Heart, My Heart will Go on Etc.) it was so bad today that I wanted to hurl a box of Kleenex from the fourth flour balcony and a pint of Hagan Daaz and yell down to this lovely pianist GET OVER IT!

So there I was tilting my head (I may have been trying to get water out of my ears) like those fools in night at the roxburry when the sweet volunteer lady who often works next to my desk to ask very sweetly "Dear are you having a seizure?" that's when I realized that the dance party was over.

Oh well. I'm hoping that the miss every third note Sally comes to play the piano tomorrow.

It's Not About the Money

2011-06-12T22:48:00.002-06:00

A Big Fat ALOHA!

Yes I'm back from my self imposed blogging vacation/ break from writing. I needed a little space in order to get back together from the marathon. 14 hour work days, and family. Yes sometimes you need a break from them too. Oh and Maren? Hawaii was wonderful since you were the only person who guessed where I was going so I'll drop it off.

So what have I been up to you may ask? Well deary ducks I went Hawaii which was wonderful (how could Hawaii be awful I ask you?) but that's not the focus of this story. This one focuses on Cancer, Phone Sex Operators, and why I'm not allowed to watch TV anymore.

As some of you know I don't have television at home. I chose to have internet and electrical power instead so I had to give up my daily feast of Oprah, Grey's Anatomy, Dr. Oz, House Hunters, and thousands of other shows. Which has been fine freeing up my time allowed me to complete such projects as organizing my sock drawer and praying for orphans in Africa (I know I know I'm a "saint". ) but on vacation when you stay in hotels they have this wonderful amenity besides the free soaps and shower caps called free TV! Not only just the regular channels but cable too!

Lately the last few months I have had problems with my voice. I've always had rather a high pitched voice (not by choice let me tell you there is nothing better than answering the phone to Ma'am is your husband home?) but I've had this sore throat/ mucus problem which has caused my voice to go through puberty all over again (cause it was so much fun the first time) high and low and sometimes I sound like a 64 year old chain smoking phone sex operator named Rhonda.

Back to the story.

As I was slathering myself up in sun screen I had this wonderful box on and I had turned on to Dr. Oz. and I wasn't really paying attention till the guest was talking about a cancer that was killing more people but hadn't really been talked or campaigned about. Its known as throat cancer. So of course Dr. Oz starts listing off the symptoms.

1. Frequent sore throat (CHECK!)

2. Loss of voice or breathless quality (Check?)

3. Voice changing ranging (CHECK CHECK!)

At this point I'm starting to think Oh dear. I've got cancer. I've got the Cancer! That cancer they are talking about I've got it!

and finally the last symptom Tumors or lumps on the neck area at this point I'm choking myself going is that a lump? Is that lump? After working myself up into a brief frenzy I realized something. They were talking about months of these symptoms I've had for two weeks. Oh dear.

So no I don't have the cancer. But this is why I'm not allowed to watch TV anymore.

Oh well. Nice try Dr. Oz.

For the Lusty Month of May and The Bawdiness of June

2011-05-31T15:38:00.003-06:00

I shall return soon! Taking a little blogging break to recharge my batteries and my running super powers. Tune in on Monday June 13th where I will reveal with you a story filled with:

SEX!

INTRIGUE!

MACADEMIA NUTS!

LOOSE MORALS!

and a suit case.

It's the suite case that's driving you crazy isn't it?

Well tune in on Monday June 13th! Will be you able to guess what I'm up to?

Post a comment and the winner gets a prize!

You Gotta Ring Them Bells!

2011-05-22T10:39:00.005-06:00

I finished! Here is my marathon story! I adapted this from a letter I sent to the nip because it was the only way I could tell it so it made sense.

I ran the Ogden Marathon yesterday. Well actually it was more like a half marathon, a walk a ton and a sprint. The first half was awesome! It went by so fast! I stayed up at the married people's cabin by Causey so I didn't have to wake up at 4 in the morning to be on the bus by 5. I got to drive down to the race line about 40 minutes before it started which was awesome it was the perfect morning it wasn't too hot or cold. So the race started and it was so much fun. When I got to the half marathon start I finished at 2:26 which is about four minutes faster than my time last year! I even ran up mile 14 (mile one for the half you know the hill?) was going great till I hit mile 20. At mile 20 my insides wanted to be on my outsides I threw up just past the oaks which was awful I got to the water station and the first aid person knew it was me who vomited all over the course and if I wanted to quit. I told him that I couldn't I knew too many people who wanted me to finish and that I would walk till I felt better. So that's when the walk a ton started I had to walk the canyon which was the reason why I wanted to do this stupid thing in first place but it was cool to see the river and go through the canyon at that speed.

So I reached the parkway thinking that at the parkway at least I could run it cause I've ran it so many times. Nope. I could manage the little old man jog I now understand what Mom and Emily were talking about when your stomach declares war on you. Since they couldn't control the run off this year I had to run on washington blvd which was fine and when I hit grant that's where my dad and Elayne were and they ran the last mile with me which I so needed. Know those times when you think that you just want to quit? That was my moment if I had any water left in me I would have cried. But anyway on with the story. So Elayne was running with me just pushing me on which was just what I needed to get me to the finish line and then at 26 mile sign all the sudden I had needed to sprint. I need to be fast. Like our sister I knew that I had to finish strong. So beating this 60 year old man across the finish line I finished in 5:54 which isn't great cause if I would hadn't gotten sick I would have had a way better time but hey it was my first one! So after they medaled me I had to sit down which was fine so I sit down in this chair in the shade which was awesome. And I'm sitting there in my chair and I wave to Dad and Elayne and so I stand up to talk to them and all the sudden it was like every thing got bright. Very bright. For a moment there I thought that the second coming was started because that's what all the doomsayers were saying that it would happen on May 21st and then the lights went out they were walking me to the med tent. Cause it wouldn't be a race with out someone going to the medical tent.So I they wheel me off in a wheel chair and made me put my feet up.

Apparently when you run for 26.2 miles your body gets rather used to pumping a lot of blood so when you stop all the blood pools in your legs and drops your blood pressure very fast. Who knew that the marathon would be informational and hard at the same time? Not me. So after that delightful episode I was able to hobble to car. Yes hobbled. Where I proceeded to have my first coke since Feb. It wasn't that great. Anyway so after taking a wonderful bath at Mom's and a amazing nap in the Nips bed. So then afterwards I went to get my car at the Married people's and we watched a movie. So now I have old man feet. They are so gross and veiny and I can't go up stairs. Well let me rephrase that. I can't move fast and standing is evil but I'm getting better.

Now since my body has declared war on all things moving I am now interviewing Sherpas to carry me around. So if anybody meets one and they are looking for a job tell them that I'm hiring!

Jesus and Gravity

2011-05-19T22:50:00.002-06:00

I'm scared.

It's been three months since I woke up that morning and realized that my life wasn't going to change till I made the choice to find something to heal the self inflicted wounds I caused myself. I'm guilty as anyone I took all my blessings, my individuality and my "muchness" for granted. I was so focused on the how my life was going nowhere, how I was a nobody, a loser who all he did was serve food.

I was so angry, so frustrated at how my life hadn't turned out the way I had planned. So when a friend needed a road trip buddy to California I said yes. So in February I left the cold darkness of my life and winter in Utah in exchange for the warmth and the ocean. I was 240 pounds and stuck. As I was packing I threw in my runner's log and the The Non Runner's Guide to Running Marathons and my running shoes. Though I hadn't gone for a run since October I had read an article in Runner's World who whenever he traveled always brought his running shoes to get the lay of the land of the new places he had been so when he logged it in his log he could see all the wonderful and interesting places he had been. So I dusted off George and Martha and threw them in my bag.

That trip changed my life. Each day I went to run in the sunshine and lugged that fat body all around I realized that I need to change. I need to forgive myself for getting that large. So each mile I told myself you signed up for this marathon back in August. You are going to do it. GO Diego Go! That was mantra. So every day I went running in the sunshine and I felt myself toss some of the anger and hatred into the ocean, the space and the mountains.

(Later it got shortened to GO Diego GO!)

When I got home I realized that my life goal of running a marathon was actually going to happen. So I ran in the sunshine, I ran in the Snow, I ran in rain, I ran on treadmills, and I even ran in a pool just to meet my goals.

My perspective changed. I finally had the guts to tell people what they meant to me. I lost 20 pounds (and more by this summer!) and I started making traction in life. So on Saturday I want to thank all of you, every one who has read my blog who commented, who stopped me on the streets and said I saw you running! You look great! I'm grateful for you all.

So on Saturday morning at 7 am I will take that first step in George and Martha and will wear my bands of glory (aka my Nike Sport band and my road id) and though I will be light in clothing I will be carried by you, you readers and friends whose thoughts will push me across that finish line. There is no time that I'm running for. I walk I walk. If I crawl I crawl but I will finish.

So tonight is my last night as non marathoner. I feel more nervous about this than I do about graduating from USU.

I'll keep you posted!

On the Waterfront

2011-05-18T20:50:00.002-06:00

The last few months I've been a rather lazy housekeeper. So on Tuesday after a Mary Tyler Moore marathon and almost dying over the mountain of laundry between my bedroom door and the bathroom. Laying on the floor nursing a giant goose egg I knew that something had to change. Since I wasn't in the mood to move I decided it was time to throw a dinner party.

Why a dinner party?

Have you ever had those moments when people just show up at your house and you have all your laundry in your living room? Or you go to offer them a drink and you have to wash one in the sink for them? Well if you know they are coming usually sparks a cleaning spree for me. So hence on this awful rainy day I had people over and I cleaned.

Oh Law did I clean.

So if you ever need a boost invite people over for a dinner party.

As Long As You Need Me..

2011-05-16T14:53:00.003-06:00

So here are some thoughts that have been running through my head of statements I have said over the last three months in regards to running:

It's only a 18 mile run.

Are these shorts short enough? I really want to maximize my sun exposure..

I've got to go to bed I've got a run tomorrow

Kashi Pizza? And its on sale? I'll take them all!

Oh? Me? I'm running 26.2 miles on saturday and then I plan on cleaning my house?

Yes I lost weight would you like to know how much?

So on Saturday this big ole' fat body of mine is gonna run through the canyon up and down a hill and when I'm done I plan on drinking a coke and laying on the grass and be happy. So now if I can get out in this cold weather and go for a run.

It's almost here! It's almost here!

Edge of Glory

2011-05-10T20:38:00.003-06:00

Its been too long since I wrote a post. When I got sick I lost any ability to string a sentence let alone try to run. So I went to go hide deep inside my weekend of food. Because I may have lost the ability to breathe but I could still eat. And Eat I did.

It was fab.

I highly recommend it.

Also while we discuss eating I went to St. George to watch my sister take first in her age group to win the second Iron man. What's an Iron man you ask? It would be a 2.4 swim followed by a 112 mile bike ride and just to add a little spice a 26.2 marathon on top of it. For her age group she took third in the swim, 1st in the bike and marathon. What did I do in St. George? I sat in the shade and stuffed my face.

Again it was marvelous.

So today after a five day rest from running I went for a short run of 3 miles and I thought I was going to die. But its okay by sat I will be fine. Cause the 21st is coming up and I'm getting a tad bit nervous.

So that's my update.

Peace yo,

Time for me to eat a carrot.

Cause I'm cool like that.

Unpretty

2011-05-04T22:13:00.002-06:00

To whomever gave me this flu:

Thank you so much for the long nights of stuffy headness and body aches. Thanks to you I am now reduced to laying down on my couch drinking nightquil from the bottle and having odd conversations with my televisions. Yes I said televisions due to the nightquill I can now see two of them. Also thanks to your kind generous germ spredingness I am now unable to run because my balance is off. Tried to go for my favorite run today and ended up listing like a drunk frat student on spring break.

So to whomever you are such a giver that I want to share with you the feelings of achiness and crankiness you've given me. You are so nice! Its just what I've always wanted. A chance to feel like I'm dying without actually dying. Thank you you wonderful giver you. I'll treasure this always. And if I can't do this marathon I will personally come over and thank you very phyiscally.

With love and much gratitude to your "wonderful" gift,

your nightquill buddy,

Blake

Fallen

2011-04-30T18:47:00.002-06:00

There are three things I've learned to today.

First: Running 20 miles is hard.

Second: Bike riders can be mean.

Third: I may actually like chocolate milk.

The third one is the one that surprised me the most though it could be due to the fact I'm not really coherent.

Breakable

2011-04-30T11:00:00.002-06:00

Dear Readers,

(This is a letter to you in my gratitude for you this week. Its rather sentimental and sappy so if you prefer to read my more humors items check back later today for after I complete my run.)

You don't get to chose your family. Who you were assigned to in your family unit is pretty much who you will be related to your entire life. Whether or not you like them or love them is a person's choice but you share genetic matter and suffered the same wonderful and terrible experiences.

However friendships are something different. Here are people that you choose to interact with. They are people who teach you things or expose your perspective to another thought or idea. Or they are the people you call up in the middle of the night and say I just have to tell you something...and instead of hanging up on you they will talk to you till 3 am and tell you that the world is lucky to have you. You never know when you will find a new friend.

I may not have a lot of friends but I am very grateful for the ones that I have. (BTW if you are reading this I consider you a friend even if I haven't met you yet.) I made some new friends a little while ago. Years ago I made the best decision of my life when I chose to be friends with the married people. They have helped me rise above and be who I was meant to be because they are well to put it plainly my friends. How lucky was I when they introduced me to the Whipples. Yes that's their name. Raymond and Nicole are truly wonderful people. They are slightly irreverent, humorous and joyous people. They truly love each other. They give themselves to others. What I mean is that they give their time, their resources, their love to others. Its a trait I value in others above all. If you can put yourself second and give yourself you are truly a gift to others.

Sadly the Whips (yes that's my nickname for them) who are wonderful people are not above loss and pain. They would love nothing more to be parents. However they suffered a great loss this week. For years they have tried to get pregnant. A few weeks ago they found out they were above all pregnant! Sadly this pregnancy wasn't meant to be. I wanted to share this story with you because I don't bake, I'm terrible at birthdays but I can write a few sentences to say that they have impacted me for the better made me grateful for their friendship.

I pray for them in this odd spring that life will start for them. For above all they deserve to share that love that they have shared with me to others and pass it on to the next generation. So today as I prepare on this cold and snowy day to run 20 miles I will send a prayer with every step in gratitude to them and to you dear friends. For it is you who keep me going.

May you keep warm today.

Blake

Cross Yourself

2011-04-27T21:25:00.002-06:00

I have a little problem. I was wondering why I was starting to see the numbers jump up on the scale. I didn't get it! I was running, watching what I ate and drank water all the things you were suppose to do but yet there was a lingering weight stuck. Well I figured out what was causing it. Apparently instead of buying my favorite sugar free 60 calorie chocolate vanilla pudding (put in a little dark chocolate mini chocolate chips and some sprinkles and sometimes its the best part of my day) I bought the regular 140 calorie chocolate vanilla pudding. No wonder I was so happy to see it every day.

So let this be a warning to you. Check your labels!

(I found the pudding image here http://www.livinglowcal.com/images/grocery_items/KRAFT_JelloSugarfreeChocolate_60.jpg)

When The Sun Goes Down

2011-04-27T08:55:00.002-06:00

Ever blessing has a cost I've learned. When you ask for change in your life you cannot request or control what you get. What's hard about blessings is that they push you out of your comfort zone. Every May I believe in changing my life. I don't know if it stems from living on campus for four years and having to move out the last day of finals or if it just comes from the transition from winter to spring.

I've been given three roads of choice lately. Each has a positive outcome and each has their own pluses and minuses. So to put it bluntly I'm just a bit run down but I'm OK. Cause I have to make a choice. Here's the 411. I've been offered the chance to return back up to Logan and essentially pick up my life that I moved on from two years ago. Or do I stay here and try this prn job at the hospital?

The only thing I know for sure right now is that I have to run. I have my marathon. That is consistent. What I want from the future? I want to be challenged by my job. I want to feel like I've made a difference to others and I want a new car. The Honda deserves to die. It would be the most humane thing to do.

So if anybody has any clear advice please comment. I'm at at the point where I want to break out my dart board and throw darts at the chart of my life and see what happens. What? That's how I ended up at USU. So now off to run 8 miles in this "warm" weather.

Where Are Destinations Lie

2011-04-25T10:22:00.002-06:00

A few weeks ago a dear friend of mine passed away due to suicide. He had been battling depression for a very long time and he had a rough couple of months and in the note which he emailed to us he wrote "I wish I had made an impact on people's lives". Which I wish I would have told him how his laughter and focus to others had taught me so much when I was an R.A.

After running the other day my ipod ran out of battery. Which meant I had a whole lot of free time in my head to think (which is a very dangerous pastime) and so I started my power 26 program. Instead of thinking about how people had made an impact on me I figured why not tell them? Since I'm rather awkward speaking sometimes I figured why not just write a letter? So I wrote 26 letters to those whose lives have impacted mine for the better. Now I haven't mailed them all out yet. I've been rather lazy. But what I learned is that when you think you are alone you really aren't. All you have to do is think of the things, the people, the lives of people you love and suddenly its not so bad anymore.

So in less dramatic news I ran 18.11 miles on Saturday. Which I still can't believe I did it. It was fun up till mile 17 and then it felt those old cartoons where out of no where a wall appears and the coyote runs into it. So the last mile was rather a long and painful stroll. However if I had been smarter I would have not seen the new Arthur so late. (BTW? I liked it. Not as good as the Dudley Moore version but it did the job of entertaining me.) Working at 5:30 am and then off to run doesn't bode well I've learned.

Oh well. This is my last week of the long runs before the marathon. 20 miles and then it drops down till May 21st. I I so excited! No really I am!

Big Yellow Taxi

2011-04-22T06:47:00.002-06:00

Happy Earth Day!

It's earth day y'all show the earth some love by being a little friendly. Recycle a little more today, walk if you can (hence how I get so tan.) and turn off the lights when you leave a room. Take a brisker shower. Run the dishwasher full instead of half empty. Go wear something green. It's earth day!

Be outside.

I've got more to say but it hasn't quite cooled down to the consistency in which I can talk about it. All I can say is that it involves a skinny cow ice cream bar, a frozen pizza and a fuzzy white bathrobe and whole lot of grown up decisions.

Which I can't seem to make right now.

So check in again.

Its 29 days till the marathon! AHH!

I Love A Piano

2011-04-18T19:49:00.003-06:00

I wish that I could play the piano. I never had any musical instruction. With a deaf kid I imagine my parents were thinking of their poor ears. Which is perfectly justified. Although on a such a wet and dreary day like today I so wish I could play the piano and sing those deep afflicted blues. However I know I can't sing. Case in point one time I was singing my little heart out in the shower one Saturday morning when the roommates were away I think it was around Christmas. When I got out they all were outside the door and one politely but firmly said Don't do that again.

Which I ever the smart ass said what?

Shower?

See? I thought it was fitting for today and the awfully dry weather we are getting lately.

Post update.

So after the weather cleared up for just a moment it turned out to be the prettiest day. Although I think my house is haunted. All my family pictures just keep on falling over or breaking. Thank goodness they were ikea frames easy to replace but still. Something creepy moved into my apartment. Maybe its time I start singing in the shower again?

Blame it On the Weatherman

2011-04-16T09:01:00.003-06:00

Maybe its the weather but I'm feeling rather confessional today. Blame it on the weather? I don't know if I've ever told anybody this but I'm a sprinkle olic. You know those little wax multi colored toppings that kids get on their ice cream? Yeah those are the ones. I have them in my ice cream, my yogurt, pudding and pretty much anything that you can put them on. I love them.

Second Confession. The more childlike the flavor the more I love it. When it comes to ice cream when I go to Coldstone I love love! their cotton candy ice cream with yup you guessed sprinkles gummy bears and mini chocolate chips. Or if its my alma matter Farr Better Ice Cream's playdough or bubble gum (I have to bring my own sprinkles they don't have any). I love blue raspberry slurpees or slush puppies. Blue cotton candy.

Third Confession. I've mentioned this before but it bears repeating. As I put new music on my ipod I find myself returning to the favorites of my childhood. Wilson's Phillips Hold On, Dido's Life for Rent, Spice Girls (don't judge. When I'm at mile 9 I need Yo tell me what want, I really want to zigga zigga ah..) and all other manners of 90's and late 80's pop. There is always room on my ipod for late 80's Madonna. Or another guilty pleasure The Chipmunk Adventure soundtrack. Yes. I still have all the words memorized.

So there they are. Things I had to just get off my chest. Now off for a 17 mile run! (Oh boy. That still makes go oh dear.)

Honesty

2011-04-14T22:17:00.002-06:00

So did I make you cry? If you haven't watched the video I highly suggest it. When the princess emailed me this I had to share it with everybody. Inspiring story no? Big news! I've lost 15 pounds! Its official! I'm an honest person on my drivers licence! 220 pounds! Now to just get down to 200. Well I've got time and with summer coming on and my budget rather tight I'll just sweat it off.

I realized that the marathon is less that 40 days away.

Gulp.

If you don't have anything going on and you are in the Ogden area watch me suffer party May 21st.

Y'all are invited!

My 120 pound journey.

2011-04-13T21:25:00.000-06:00

Pop! Goes the Weasel.

2011-04-12T20:28:00.002-06:00

For the rest of my life I will have to hide my face when I go to yogalities. What is yogalities? For all of you non O.C fans it is the combination of Yoga and Pilate's or PIYO. Its only taught on Tuesday afternoons for the ladies who lunch bunch (its open to everybody but I've only seen one other guy in the class) anyway when I get the chance I go.

Sometimes we get to play with bands, other times we have mats, and the other day we got to play with bouncy balls. Which I'm not going to lie I was excited thinking yay Dodge ball! So we go through the usual workout warm up, doing the yoga poses and then comes the ball sequence.

To clarify I was a tad bit late so there were fewer balls to chose from. So we are bouncing around up and down on this ball kicking our legs up in the air and then it happened.

BAM!

Like a gunshot. Suddenly I'm not bouncing anymore. Rather I'm flat on back going Oh. No. Oh dear. Of course in my dreams nobody notices but in reality everybody turns and looks at me. Which was even worse cause who wants to look at a fat kid with their legs in the air sweating like I a pig?

Terrible. So that is why I have to go into hiding.

Consider Me Gone

2011-04-11T21:32:00.003-06:00

I almost broke up with George and Martha yesterday. Due to the very wet and nasty weather on Saturday I threw myself a little Hawaiian luau and enjoyed it. So when Sunday hit with the small sliver of sunlight and warmth I took it. 16 miles? Bring it on. So for the first 14 miles it was nothing but wow! Look at me go! Then at 14.5 suddenly I heard this blaahhh sound from a mack truck that came out of no where and ran me over.

That's not what really happened but it felt like it. The last two miles I walked/ran/hobbled toward my car. When I got there I literally fell to me my knees and I cried. I couldn't believe how hard I went and how in the world was I to get home? So while I was there on the ground at the Farmington Front Runner station I finally said the words that I hate to say. I surrender all. I surrendered all my fatness, my anger, my hatred, all of the self doubt, the self pity, and I could feel myself getting lifted. Being lighter. When I was able to stand I had enough energy to get my car started.

It amazes me what our bodies can do. What awful things we put them through and it forgives us. Our bodies take the hurt,the internal strife, the fear, and become the exterior reflection on what is going on in the inside. So I've decided at that moment on my knees when I see somebody in the appearance of suffering not to close my eyes and ignore it. Behind every fat person is somebody who wants to be asked what's wrong, who wants to be told that they are beautiful, whose very presence has changed somebody for the better. Now does this mean I'm going to go around to every person and be like Oh how can I praise you? How can make you better? No. What it means is that when somebody does something for me to take a moment and acknowledge it. When somebody does something amazing to tell them. What's strange is that we crave praise and acknowledgement but it seems I (and others imagine) cannot take it. I'm terrible at taking praise. So I'm going to be like Dolly Parton and just smile big and say thank you with a big southern drawl.

I've only got one life. One moment. I don't want to waist it (get it waist it? no? Maybe it was just me then) on being self absorbed.

So while I think I'll keep George and Martha around for awhile but if they let me get run over by a mack truck again they are going to start the process of becoming a running track.

I've Got the Right To Sing the Blues

2011-04-09T18:21:00.003-06:00

If it keeps on snowing I think there might be a shining moment in my apartment. No sunshine or warmth makes Blake go crazy. While today I was suppose to go run sixteen miles the weather was too cold and awful for me to even to suffer through it. I now know what it feels like to be in the bottom of a depression well. Ugh winter is not for me I've decided so in order to brighten up my day I'm throwing myself a little bit of Hawaiian luau in my apartment. Since all my posse seems to be avoiding/hunkering down/suffering from finalitis (its a very serious disease) its me my shaved ice maker Elvis and turning up the heat (woo! 63 degrees I'm splurging! Its almost tropical in here!) , and its down right fun.

Well more like as I watch my Hawaiian slide show here in my messy cold apartment wearing my Hawaiian shirt and shorts I realize that I need a.) a housekeeper b.) new activities to do in the this freezing absolutely despicable and absolutely unnecessary form or wetness. I don't mind rain but snow after April first puts me in such a wonderful mood.

So now I'm staring out at all of this wetness with my snow cone in hand and I tell myself I should remember this so when its 103 degrees and I'm melting that I'm should be grateful for it now. But I'm not. Sorry. Oh well.

So What!

2011-04-05T18:06:00.002-06:00

This is me today after work. This picture is actually from my thanksgiving post when I had no heat but it fits for today.Its nasty and cold and I'm rather run down. Well what did you expect? I ran sixteen miles on Saturday, drove home from St. George on Sunday had a truly heart warming dinner made by the princess, then I went to an after conference party, and then I stumbled in to bed. Then at the ungrateful hour of 5:00 am off I went to work, then I came home, changed ran five miles, then prepared a visual aid and great presentation for an interview, showered and off I went to FHE then I did laundry and went to bed at 12:30 up at 4:50 and then off to work and now I'm here in my apartment on the couch and I really don't care. Cause its grey and just awful outside.

But on a more positive note. I mean it really is! I have been trying to be more honest in my life. Truly. I'm two pounds away from the weight on my driver's licencse. If I was run over by a little old lady on the sidewalk (that would have been yesterday's run) I could face St. Peter at those Pearly gates and with the biggest smile say I may have not been honest in all my dealings but at least I put the honest weight on my driver's license. So there's that.

Little Lion Man

2011-04-04T13:25:00.002-06:00

I've been gone.

I ran away from my life for a little while. I had to get away for a little while had to get out get away from everything. So where did I go? I went to St. George of course. Land of Cadillacs and sunshine. It was marvelous.

more later.

Broken and Tired

2011-03-29T18:30:00.002-06:00

I know lately that I have sounded like a cult member with the marathon training and the spinning and who could forget that brief flirtation with Body ATTACK! (HIYA! yup. Still doing it) I've sounded like somebody who drank a little bit too much KOOL-AID at the convention. This is the nitty gritty moment that you usually see on all reality TV shows (i.e the emotional breakdown/I'm not going to be barefoot in a vineyard/ I ate the whole pint of ice cream/I slept with your best friend and I didn't tell you till we were married/moment.) so in other words I'm getting gritty and stripping off all signs off peppy and hyper.

So what did I do today?

Well I went to work. (Where I've been for the last for the last 9 days..don't ask.) and then I came home and changed into (no not my old navy fleece old navy jeans and crocs but I did think about it) my sweats and my old RA t-shirt (Simply your life! Live on Campus!) and laid on the floor and turned on my Tori Amos Under the Pink album and proceeded to do what my body really wanted. Nothing! It felt glorious! Absolutely glorious! Though I was suppose to go to spinning I don't really care.

I mean it. I don't care that today I ate a huge sandwich. I don't care that though my spinning shorts are staring at me judging me I just don't care. After the 14 mile run on Saturday I just felt off so I'm taking the day off for a personal physical and mental health day and it feels great!

I highly recommend it!

Friday

2011-03-25T10:26:00.002-06:00

Its Friday Friday...la lal oh Rebecca Black you have now ruined Fridays for me for the rest of my life. Anyway the greatest of Friday surprises happened to me! I've lost three pounds making my big ole' self down an 11 pounds! YAY! Its nice to know I'm getting smaller!

YES!

2011-03-24T12:59:00.003-06:00

Oh the weather outside is frightful and the TV so delightful and while I have places to go I just let it rain.

I should go run but its so wet! Let it Rain! While my house is a mess the dishes stacked so high I say so what! Let it rain! While my laundry is piled sky high so what! Let it Rain! What do you do I do? I sit here and read a good book let it rain!

So I guess you see what I've done today so far.

So what!

Let it Rain!

You've Let Yourself Go

2011-03-23T21:45:00.002-06:00

I guess the hardest thing to do when you are in your twenties is when you are single is that you hear one of three things 1. Guy Gets Girl they get married (aka please send presents and money). 2. People get their dream jobs 3. Have you met our new addition? Aren't they cute? I'm happy for them I truly am this world is hard enough to go through and when there are moments of joy you really do feel happy for them. But when the moments have come and gone when you are all alone there's a little a little twinge of sadness thinking of the fun their going to have and you start to wonder if you yourself have let yourself go?

The years go by and still you sigh will this be the year the one? And when the chips fall and there you are still the same while others come and go you wonder have I let myself go? What happened to that slender youth I knew I fear I've grown an inch or two not up and down my joy and pride but rather side to side.

When dreaming of chasing pirates and hiding yourself in a tower or to fling all cares aside and board a ship to see the evening subside instead you find yourself alone sitting on the couch watching old TV you wonder have you let yourself go?

Between Two Lungs

2011-03-22T21:08:00.003-06:00

Did you realize dear friends that I forgot my blogveristy? Its been two years since I've started with my first post about the wonders of double (borderline third chin) and from there I've introduced you to the my kitchen aid mixer Jorge, my horrible obsession with ice cream and Grey's Anatomy, to that awful winter, to this latest adventure of running a marathon for all my 26.2 years on earth and whatever comes with it.

For those of you who have been here from the beginning and those of you just tuning in Thank you for taking time to blogstalk me. I appreciate it. Honestly I do. The fact that you find me entertaining makes me keep on writing. But I'd still write this even it was just for me just because I find myself kinda funny but maybe that's just me.

Oh well. Here's to another two years!

30 Seconds..

2011-03-22T06:17:00.001-06:00

This is the very brief post up date till I have more time to write a full blog post.

Ran 12.55 miles on Saturday.

Proceeded to spend rest of day on couch watching Grey's.

Sunday.

Went to a mission farewell and dinner at the parentals.

Monday.

Went to work. Ran 4 miles. Almost cried. Wait. There might have been tears. I don't really remember cause it was so windy.

Ate a little W hamburger from warrens with an order of onion rings.

Feel like a fat hippo.

More later.

Someone Like You

2011-03-19T19:35:00.003-06:00

This is what I was thinking about today when I went running.

I have a hard time being mad at people. I just don't have the personality for it. As a writer I believe that words have such a powerful impact on a person. When we fling them around whip them up in anger they lodge themselves inside us like hidden barbs releasing unhappy feelings, self doubt and sadness in us long after the conversation. Years later they still sting fresh as the day they were thrown. But the same goes with words of Praise, Promise and Peace. I've been doing a little experiment when I wake up (sometimes at the early hour of 4 am) instead of bemoaning the state of the world and my forced awareness of the blackness that comes that early in the day I just try to say Good morning. There are some mornings where I get all worked up and punch the pillows and stuff my head underneath hoping that I can gain a few more hours of sleep and lay there staring at the ceiling forcing my limbs to move. I find those mornings I'm not the nicest of persons. My words seem grouchy mean and I say things I shouldn't.

I found this quote on Oprah's Master Class featuring Dr. Maya Angelou and since I've heard it in January I read it every day to propel me to be a better person to quote:

Try to be all you can be, the best human being you can be, try to be that in your

church, in your temple, try to be that in your classroom, do it because it is right to do

you see? People will know you and they will add you prayers they will wish you life, I

think that if your name is mentioned and people go "OH Hell or Oh Damn I think you are doing something wrong, but if your name is mentioned and people go Oh She's so

sweet , He's so nice Oh I love her oh God bless her there you are. So try to live

your life in a way that you will not regret years of useless virtue and inertia and

timidity.

I don't know if its made any difference with people but I find that my words have been more positive, my outlook more joyous and when I go huffing and puffing all over Ogden I tend to say Hello.

For the long run today I ran 12.55 miles in 2 hours and 31 minutes!

Good Life

2011-03-17T19:15:00.002-06:00

I freely admit it. That my ipod should belong to a 14 year old middle school girl. But when you are running or ellicpticaling (is that even a word?) you've got to have music that moves you. Makes you put your hands up in the air. Kinda like a party in the USA. Or maybe I was just born that way? I always raise my glass cause I know inside of me is a firework cause I like to show people what I'm worth and I always let my colors burn.

When I went running on Wend in the rain I sure set fire to it. But when I go for a run with my ipod sometimes I feel like I have a pocket full of sunshine. But before I go I don't want you to forget about me.

But sometimes you have to go run where the streets have no name in order to find out that you belong to me. I also know that when your 15 its hard to find somebody who isn't a brick and will bring you down slowly. I know though that I have to make my own kinda music in order to great a good life for myself.

(Instead of just writing down the songs that are constant rotation on my ipod I created a little puzzle for y'all I put either lyrics or song titles in this post. If you can name all of them way to go if you are totally confused let me know I'll cue you in.)

The Morning After

2011-03-15T19:58:00.002-06:00

(There's no meaning for this picture. I just picked one on random. Cause I can.)

Can I confess something? I'm afraid of being forgotten. I'm afraid that as I get older that I'm getting less involved in people's lives. I sometimes look at myself and go am I going transparent? Is my life on the same boring track? Are my stories stale? My biggest fear is that when enter a room or visit friends that they go Oh dear not that story or comment or whatever...again.

I'm not asking for sympathy but rather wondering what more can I bring to people's lives? How can I make them happy and glad to see me? My biggest fear is that I'll become that person who you wonder what ever happened to ole so and so? Instead of looking for ole so and so that stories become created and some how you end up dead. But you aren't really dead.

Oh well. Is this just me or do others wonder about this too?

Now for the modified Bridget Jones moment! Aren't you excited?

Seven weeks clean from Coke!

Miles amped up so now I run 4 6 4 and the big run! Which this Saturday is 12 miles! (that's only six one way and six back!)

Went to spinning. Oh my.

I do all this and still only a lousy six pound loss...oh well go with the flow eh?

Climb Every Mountain

2011-03-13T11:00:00.003-06:00

Yesterday was the big run of my marathon training. Or as I like to call it the Oh Dear day. Cause every time I look at the calendar I go Oh dear. Yesterday's run was quite the experience.

Not every run starts out like a Nike commercial. Sure there's running but there's lot of prep that goes into it. Making sure I eat the right amount of carbs and water, make sure my ride can pick me up (hey if you were running 11 miles you want to make sure you can get to your car or house) and checking the clothes making sure that the can come off with out making people go OH MY? Is he naked? Yes I know its the parkway but still one has to be aware of the presentation you know. Do I have my shot blocks? My water? Socks on straight?

Then off I go!

After the prepwork I started running enjoying the warmth that has finally has come to the mountain valley. YAY SUNSHINE! At mile 1.30 off comes the paradox shirt. At mile 2.18 had to run into Rainbow Gardens to use the bathroom and blow my nose. Water bottle breaks. Say a of bad words but press on. Mile 7.5 reach the West Haven under bridge notice that river is flooding pathway. Can't go around. Can't go back (cause my car is at the parking lot of the Riverdale parkway) so I take off my shoes and socks and run through the river. So cold! And Wet! But must keep going! Then I slip on the hidden mud. Run barefoot for a half a mile (so my feet can dry and also I kinda wanted to try the barefoot running craze) and I finally get my shoes on thinking Oh glory I've made it half way. Then I noticed it.

The spot.

The spot that looks like I got shot.

Turns out in that little fall had a little more that a quick blam on the ground moment. Turns out I got a lovely bruise and tore off the skin of my nipple. Yes I just broke new ground here at Blake Got Fat I said Nipple. So back to the story. I'm running and getting these odd looks as I run past people and I so wanted to be like yeah run in Ogden get shot keep on going but at that point I was exhausted.

So that was my 11 mile run in whole mass of word vomit.

Yes my nipple and bruise hurt.

But at the same time next week is 12 miles so in perspective what do you do?

Spring Can Really Hang You Up The Most

2011-03-11T20:21:00.004-07:00

Tada! This is me saying sorry about yesterday's post. Sometimes I like to compose my thoughts in a random sequence and in my mind it comes out rather odd. So I apologize. Now that's out of the way here comes my big announcement! Its really big. I tell ya you might have to move to the floor so that you don't fall off your chair. I'm serious. Move to the floor. I'll wait.Good. Are you ready?

I got a haircut!

Wait before you leave it was a rather traumatic experience. There's not a whole lot you can do to ruin my hair. Its thick and straight. The only haircut that it likes is the one from Dumb and Dumber but nobody wants to be called Lloyd now do they. The problem is I never remember what they did six weeks ago. So each time I have to start explaining to whomever I want it short not to shaggy and don't shave my sides to close cause I've got some ugly moles that I don't want to share with the world. So off comes the hair. But the worst part of the experience is the styling of the hair. I can never replicate what they do and after going through bottles of gel I just gave up but today I was feeling rather risky. Dangerous. Cause I'm cool like that at a Great Clips. So when the question came up she asked how would I like my hair styled and I being the genius I am said do something different.

She made me look like my grandpa.

Big ole' part and slicked down the sides. I looked like a fat missionary and my skinny grandpa at the same time. The worst part? Besides the inner fanatic screaming in my head going "You made me look like my grandpa! You made me look my grandpa! " is that I actually thanked her. Paid for the haircut and when I around the corner away from view I fixed my hair.

Crisis diverted.

Heartbreak

2011-03-10T23:28:00.002-07:00

When night comes

and my world is quiet

I know you are waiting for me to make a sound.

To show myself to you.

to reveal all my secrets.

But sometimes I don't want to share.

Sometimes I keep them inside and bury them deep.

So that you can't find them.

But often they get unrooted.

Exposed.

And then what am I to say?

Here I am.

All my fat pieces.

Do with me as you may.

Walking after Midnight

2011-03-08T20:45:00.002-07:00

I don't love donuts. They aren't my "drug" of choice. I'm rather a chocolate , ice cream, and cake (and apparently Girl Scout cookies) kinda of guy. But today at a work meeting the treat for the crowd (aka us the bored audience) were presented with red velvet cake doughnuts with cream cheese frosting. I'm not a huge fan of red velvet (unless its in the shape of an Armadillo) but as I sat there in meeting smelling the two people besides me eating their doughnuts I went nuts.

I couldn't focus. But perhaps it was just the meetings fault. I mean how exciting is goal planing for a bunch of food service employees (its not trust me). Do you know how good red velvet doughnuts smell after an hour? They don't smell disgusting I'll tell you that. So I caved dear friends. But after eating half of the dumb thing I thought to myself this isn't that great. In fact its rather dry and the frosting is the only redeeming factor for this doughnut. So I threw it away.

Yay me?

Check On It

2011-03-08T09:56:00.002-07:00

(For those of you just tuning in this is George and Martha my running shoes)

I didn't know I had a problem. I thought I was fine. Until yesterday hit. With the lovely rain/snow storm that hit yesterday I had the perfect excuse not to do my run. I could go to the gym but with the weather it would be a stinky people filled and I wasn't in the mood. So putting on my shoes I got in my car and drove to the riverdale parkway. If you would have asked me six weeks ago if I would have gone running in the snow or rain I would have looked at you laughed and changed the subject. Hence the reason I now know I have a problem. I sacrficed feeling in my toes for running outdoors.

I think I might be able to finish this marathon after all.

What's My Name

2011-03-05T13:26:00.002-07:00

Oh na na what's my name...

Oh na na what's my name....

I ran 11 miles today. Guess what was stuck in my head? I'll give you a guess.

Not everybody knows how to work my body..

Oh na na what's my name...

For 11 long miles I threw my hands up in the air and went

OHHHH what's my name..

Yeah. Its worse than Bieber fever.

Oh na na what's my name.

Oh Shout out to April for reaching her pre pregnancy weight!

Your just my type Ohhh...ohhh

What's my name?

I know. I know. I need help.

Born this Way

2011-03-04T19:30:00.003-07:00

I've lost 5 pounds!

Before you think that I've lost five pounds in one day this is the amount of weight I've lost since I've started training for my life goal of doing a marathon during my 26th year. After my amazing road trip with my dear friend I gave up coke. I only have one treat day which is Saturday. I'm only allowed to have it if I've done my long run. I haven't been perfect with this I admit freely. There are some days where I cave and have a sweet here and there (i.e see the Troop Beverly Hills post). I'm not following any set diet plan. If you are a fat person trying to lose weight you've read all the books, talked to people about nutrition and you know that eating a pint of mint chocolate ice cream while great going down makes you feel like a fat hippo later.

Which leads me to the four principles in which I try to base my life.

TRUTH : I ask myself this often when I make decisions or go through an experience I ask myself is this true to who I am? Does it clarify or expose a new idea to me?

Beauty: I try to find some element of beauty every day. There is so much natural beauty in people and nature. If I find myself covered with too much ugliness of evil words or deeds from the world I try to create or find a spot beauty and make it my life better.

Freedom: I try to free myself everyday from negativity and bad thoughts. The defintion of freedom is so different for each person. But for me I am truly free when I am allowed to have room to breathe.

and most importantly...

LOVE: If you don't love yourself then what's the point. Love life. Love family. Love yourself. That's what I believe.

Anyway. Hopefully you enjoyed my Oprah moment. Tomorrow? TEN MILES!

Rolling with the Hommies

2011-03-01T20:22:00.002-07:00

Presenting my running alter ego B-F-Uiddy yo.

Getting back to my O-town roots.

Troop Beverly Hills What A Thrill...

2011-02-28T13:37:00.003-07:00

There are a few movies that inspire me. Some have amazing plot lines and visual effects. Others have actors whose performances literally make you feel what the character is feeling. Then there are movies that are guilty pleasures. I hate to say it but sadly many of my movie choices fall in this category.

Enter Troop Beverly Hills.

Yes dear friends my guilty movie pleasure features the comedic timing of Shelly Long in her first full length movie debut with the guy from Coach. What does this have to do with my life? Well apparently I was a little too influenced by the theme of cookie selling. When a coworker of mine sold me a sob story about her friend's scout troop whose camping trip in the mountains would be dashed (DASHED! I tell you!) if they didn't sell enough cookies. What cold hearted person could I be to deny a girls scout troop a trip to the mountains. She even told me that they had never had s'more (s'more what? Your killing me smalls killing me. Sorry but where else would you put a good sandlot quote?) and that if I wanted to I could donate a box of cookies to a solider serving in Iraq or Afghanistan. (Wow. I actually spelled that right without spell check. Its the small victories you celebrate in life...) Well how could I say no?

Deny a person a s'more?

A trip to the mountains?

Campfires?

Plus a chance to help out the military?

I was gone dear friends. Before I could help myself I pledged for four boxes (2 samoas 2 thin mints) and completely forgot about my selfless service until yesterday. When this selfless service came back to haunt me. When at work arrived the cookies with my name on it. Well it wasn't a treat day so I figured I'd be strong and just put them away. Yet no matter where I went in my apartment there they were. Tempting me. So in they went into the cabinet. Yet I couldn't stop thinking about them and how lonely they would be because of me some girl scout troop was going on a trip to the mountains! A solider was getting comfort from home! This is when the selfless service totally became selfish. Because the Saomas were tempting me with their little O's of perfect chocolate coconut. So in came self justification. If I have two that's only 140 calories. I can have 2. So I opened the package and slid open the the little tray and saw them. And proceeded to eat 2 slowly tasting each perfection of happy bliss. But then I felt bad for the other two who had lost their friends. Wanting everybody to be together I ate the other 2.

Then the black out came.

When I came to there were no more Samoas (There is one box remaining) and a whole lot of cookie crumbs over me. It was bad. Really bad. Yet the sad thing is I'm kinda proud of myself. Where are the rest of the cookies now you ask? Wrapped up in wrapping paper and hidden in my freezer.

Where they will remain for now. Until I have another urge to do self less service.

What the?

2011-02-26T18:46:00.002-07:00

I am sorry about the lack of post lately. But if you could see me at the moment you would completely understand and go I forgive you for the lack of entertainment that I have provided for you this week. As you all are well aware (if you haven't been reading go ahead catch up I won't mind) I declared that I was going to haul this fat body of mine running for 26 miles in May (btw? You all? Are invited to watch. Its going to be entertaining.) but because 231.6 pounds is not something I want to haul down the mountain (running no less!) I decided that I would support my local Gold's Gym.

I like the gym. Wait. Scratch that. I go to the gym because the spring in February ended and I can't run outside every day. So yesterday being all brave I went to a Gym class by myself. I figured if I am pushing myself for a full marathon what's a gym class. This is where I went wrong friends. This is where it went horribly wrong.

It was simply called Body ATTACK! I just loved saying it. Body ATTACK! Throw in a karate punch and its your social awkwardness goes waaay down. Trust me. So I showed up and realized I was in trouble when I spot the teachers. Aerobic Barbie and her Side kick Low Exercise shirt Skipper. (Now before you get preachy if you have to stop what you are doing in a middle of an exercise class to pull your shirt up and it still looks like you did nothing its too low.) How do I describe Body ATTACK? (HI YA that was the karate chop just so you know.) It was like a cheerleader melded with a Barbie and a Southern Baptist preacher. As we kicked, and did the pony (yes that classic dance move the pony) randomly Barbie would shout come to me! I need to feel your energy! Somebody doesn't have the energy! Is it you? and then point to the whole class. Which after six laps around the classroom doing the pony I had considerably lost the energy and began to mock them relentlessly in my mind.

Hence this blog post.

I have more to say. But arms too sore to type now.

Open Your Eyes.

2011-02-23T14:47:00.001-07:00

If you haven't noticed I've been on a blogging absence. It's due to the fact that I at the moment have no life. Well I mean I have a life cause obviously if I was dead I couldn't write this sentence but still socially not so much. Tonight I went out with some of my Logan friends which is always exciting to go out to the capital city (aka SLC) and I didn't know what to wear. Lately my clothes consist of three options work clothes, running/gym clothes, and then pajamas. Its not that I have become this crazy exercise fool but really there aren't a lot of hours left in the day after work. But I have to say it must be working I went from being 235 to 232! That's three pounds! Yay! A pound a week. I didn't know whether to be excited or cry.

But lets get back to the dinner shall we?

I gave up coke three weeks ago along with extra sweets. With only one treat day being Saturday after my long runs (last's week big splurge? A kids hamburger and fries from Wendy's. Yeah it wasn't in my fat little hands more than two seconds before it got inhaled. I wanted it so badly I almost drove around again to get another one) . I have done great the last three weeks but today I was ready to punch a donkey. That and I was really kinda pissed for only losing three pounds. Curse the Biggest Loser and its huge losses each week. But to make matters worse we went to Wingers. The place were asphalt pie lives. Let me describe this for you. Its made out of mint chocolate ice cream (which is my favorite) slathered in hot fudge and caramel and oreos and whipped cream. Oh did I mention it has an oreo crust? I didn't eat it but the rest of my table did.

I would have run naked through the restaurant to have a bite. Why didn't I? Cause I have this marathon in May and I thought if I have just one bite that's a three mile run. With hills. Somehow the craving died. I still want it. I want it so badly. But I can't have it.

Curse you moral standards!

The Bridget Jones Moment has been relocated to Myfitnesspal.com if you are intersted in seeing what I shoved in my face please be my friend bfarru22 or look for the fat kid in the photos. I moved the tracker button over here so that you can see what's been losing. If you look closer you'll notice its my bff Jorge.

Why Is It So Hard Sometimes?

2011-02-19T16:42:00.002-07:00

Why running? What in my right mind was I thinking? Because the rest of life is so mundane this is the subject in which I feel that I can control, to manipulate, and be taught by. I don't have to run. I don't have to do this marathon. But there is this annoyingly clever voice that says "Think of how disappointed you'd be if you didn't". So I go. I put on my clothes, I stretch and I run.

When the weather turns nasty and cold the bad part of me wants to stay in bed and read my book. But I had to do seven miles today. So I drove over to the parentals and picked up the running gear that I had drying on line (here's a little tip don't ever dry your gym clothes in the dryer. They die faster that way.) and went to the parkway. It was lonely and grey. Not a person around. Just me and the pavement. There is a moment before you start running its like a hesitation almost like before you begin a prayer you stand there and then you let yourself go. In my mine its like a nike commercial slow but determined the focused look. (In reality it probably looks like the picture in the last post but I can dream right?)

There is something we all do as people we can't explain to others. For some it is the deep abiding love for Edward the vampire, for others its watching American Next Top Model, but in the end it is our strange passions that connect us that if used rightly make us stronger. But its when we put ourselves in narrow boxes that I believe problems start.

I'm a runner.

Who are you?

Hide Your Kids Hide Your Wife...

2011-02-17T10:14:00.001-07:00

Just to show the world that running isn't pretty.

Take Me or Leave Me

2011-02-16T08:53:00.002-07:00

I declared war last night on the Curry in a hurry neighbors. I tried to be nice. I tried to be friendly but lets face it. At 12 in the morning who is a nice person? I'm not. So there that. Now I just wear dark clothes and sneak around my complex afraid they are going to find me.

In more exciting news I went to body combat yesterday thinking that while my legs would look very nice this year the top half of my body would look like the pillsbury doughboy. Not a very flattering picture no? I was going to write this last night but I couldn't move my arms think of penguin trying to type. It wasn't a pretty picture. Today's goal is to do four miles. Every night I see the road I have to run in May and I tell myself that I can get there. That I'm strong enough.

So I'm going to enjoy this last bit of nice weather before the snow hits.

A Happy Birthday and A Lovely Holiday...

2011-02-14T08:42:00.002-07:00

I usually loathe and hate Valentines Day. Loathe it for awful middle school memories of people's lockers busting with valentines and flowers you could send each other in class and mad at myself for not being brave enough to send a valentine to the girl I liked. So I went on hating this holiday till I realized that I would split the day in two and celebrate it for what it truly is. My Dad's birthday.

Yes my dear father has a birthday.

How old you may ask?

50!

Which is pretty amazing because my father is in better shape than I am. I am so lucky to have such a wonderful Dad who has taken the time to get to know me, support me in my odd interest and most importantly be calm. When my sister and I did something really stupid we would always tell our Dad because we knew that he would at least remain calm and help us deal with the situation instead of berating us for how stupid we were. In stead of How could you we would get well how are you going to solve this situation?

For his patience. Every Saturday during the winter we would go skiing. He would take the time to ski with us, show us our turns and help us get in control of the sport. It must have been frustrating at times when it was great ski day but I never remember him being upset about it.

I hope that when I have children I can follow his example. He's made his mistakes and I have too but as life goes on it seems we are okay with it. So happy 50th dad!

P.s It's also my cousin Donna's Birthday too. She's awesome!

Bridget Jones Moment.

Week 2 totals of running 16.57.

Meals coming later today.

Forgot to write down Sunday's.